Arab/Muslim boyfriend, what to expect for future?

So sorry to dampen your spirits but as you yourself have already said, these situations end badly. You are looking at strict and fanatical traditions, there is no leeway. Better take care of your child and move on to something more feasible and not so complicated. You will end up drained psychologically. You definitely do NOT want a war with his family, things could get nasty. Bid him farewell and move on if you know what is good for you.

Um, what about you? You’ll be giving up your country, family, etc. And trading it for a part of the world in which you can be physically assaulted by the government for going outside without the proper clothing or a chaperone.

He isn’t going to marry you. He isn’t going to move for you. His family hates you simply because of who you are… What do you get out of this?

I think you already have an idea of how it will end; look at the tsuris – to use a Yiddish word – you both have been going through already. He has obligations that he wants and needs to fulfill to his family and country; it’s unlikely that even though you love each other, that love will be able to withstand all that time apart and cultural pressure.

And you say you already have a son, do you want him to be brought up amidst all this stress and drama?

It’s really sucky to say this and harder to act on it but I think it would be best if you find a way to end it sooner rather than later. But we can only advise, the decision and the consequences are yours.

Welcome to Fluther! We’re a very caring place if you need us. Keep us updated, please.

I’d say that you need to figure out how important marriage and children with him are. You don’t have to be married to have a wonderful loving partnership.

If you didn’t have a son, I’d say follow your heart (with caution), take things day-to-day, and not stress so much about the long-term future. The fact that you have a child changes everything. He needs you to be in a healthy, low-risk, stable, long-term relationship that’s free from drama. If it were me, I would move on for my child’s sake. Best wishes.

End it.

I can’t tell you what to do. I haven’t looked into his eyes, or his heart. You have to do that. But understand the cultures are extremely different. The family dynamics and where you fall into that are night and day from the US. You can get killed for dishonoring the family or your guy. But you might also find an awesome guy that treats you well. That’s for you to decide.

He will have difficulty getting residency in the U.S. also. It’s a pipe dream. Move on.

I’m still not understanding why he can’t marry you. So, is it truly can’t or more like doesnt want to?

I understand his putting in the 2 years to fulfill scholarship commitment, but after that, why is he expecting you to be the one doing all the sacrificing by moving to the mMddle East?

As others have said, your first responsibility is to your child. Don’t lose focus on that.

After he has fulfilled his 2 yr. commitment, if he lives you as much as he says, let him be the one doing the moving.

Why on earth would either you or he want to move closer to his disapproving parents.

With an ocean apart, they’ll have far less influence on your relationship.

This entire situation doesn’t appear to have a rosy future. He says he loves you but he sounds kind of selfish to me.

I don’t mean to be harsh. And I could be completely off base. He will need to decide what is more important to him, his family, or his love. He must care about one more than the other, and if he cannot satisfy both interests he will have to cut one out. Good luck. And also, whatever you do, do not move to Saudi Arabia. Don’t even consider it!

My college friend dated several Arabs during our college years – none ended well at all. One became obsessive too. Bail now!

Is the OP still around?

So here’s an update:

To answer some questions, we were only going to move for the 2yrs to fulfill the requirements of his scholarship, then move back and live in the US.

I don’t have any family that I care to stick around with, it’s just my son & I.

He can’t marry me because if we get married here he is banned from his country and he has to pay back all of the money his country has invested in his education here.

We can’t get married there, because he is 26 now, he can’t file for approval to marry a foreigner until he is 35, and then there is a large amount of money involved and it’s not even guaranteed we’d get permission.

But anyway, thank you for the responses, but I should have waited a little longer before asking. We were together for 5 months but we broke up for good yesterday, there are just too many issues, we’re both tired.

@Sunshine7482 Not a real GA but hang in there. The cultural issues are huge. It isn’t really fair, we should all just get along. But I guess that’s the idealist in me.

@Sunshine7482 I’m sure it’s hard for you but probably for the best in the long run. (I know that’s a lousy thing to hear.) Good luck with everything!

If the past is any indicator of the future than it looks like you and your child will be living
alone without him most of the time and probably permanent as the boyfriends, father will cut off his finances.
write out all : here is example in black and white, to better get a gist of what you are up against :
1. Doubts are in your mind already, and that should be a clue to your decision should the child go full term?
2.Can’t get married…straight forward.( STOP FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE)
3. Can’t have children now or in future?( means that your child will not be acceted in your boyfriends country) so the child is saddled with huge problems already.
4. Your boyfriend relies on his father’s finances..not his own.In fact I bet he lives with you and you handle all finances?
5. Your boyfriend is leaving soon ( Summer) anyways ,without you.
6. His grades sufferred and might fail altogether resulting in father demanding him back probably never allowed to return .
7. Stay 3.5 years then gone for two years! you raise the child as single parent anyways.
8. “After raising your son alone” THEN (?) he might return?????
Take the Religious and cultural equation out of the problem and you are left alone raising this child and all the expenses as well.
So why bother having this irresponsible man in your life when you may find another who could better respect and care for you and your child.
You decide not only for yourself but the future of your child as well.
( will your child be recruited in the army in future…is that what you wish for him?...as it is a possibility.) I pray for you to make the ethical decision for a brighter positive future for you and your child.

You say you will, ‘finish raising your son’.... Ummmm…. Your son should come number one in your priorities. End of story. When have you exactly determined when you have finished the job of raising your son and feel enabled to leave a the country without him?

Priorities, my young friend. Trust me when I say men will come and go in your life, but the one worth keeping would NEVER put you in a position where you would have to chose or sacrifice life with your own child. Or the compromises and ultimatums this relationship puts on your life. It is simply unfair to you. You deserve better. Be friends, and dream about the ‘what ifs’ but this sounds like it is a ‘can’t be’ if you are being realistic with yourselves. If this man ever really cared for you, he would have your head spinning in this way. He would have kept a safe distance, knowing what his involvement would eventually entail.

^^ They have broken up.

Great news.

It is good to talk candidly & thoroughly before both of you commit your lives together. Things like religion, family issues, any probable hindrance to being together, etc. If not, both of you will end up disastrously & in worse shape than at present. Think about it really, really carefully. Your future is at stake.