How can I socialize when my life is boring and unimpressive?

Do things. The more you do the more you have to talk about.

You don’t need to start big, just do something you enjoy.

You’re wrong – you can talk about yourself. Your achievements, or lack thereof, don’t encompass all of the things that make you who you are. The things you’re referring to relate to nothing other than cultural norms, things that every person is “supposed to” obtain in life according to some societies.

Maybe you’re unemployed because something really negative happened in your life? Maybe you feel that your future is bleak because you’re having health problems? What even counts as accomplishments to you personally? Maybe you live with your father because he needs your help? Or even if he doesn’t, maybe he doesn’t mind helping you out when you need it?

Additionally, what are your interests? Your beliefs? What would you like to do? You might not have a lot going on right now, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t inherently interesting. There are a lot of questions I just asked, that I don’t have the answers to, unless you choose to tell me. If you tell me, it becomes socializing.

We’re all complex – even when we’re down and out and don’t have much going on. Find the right kind of people to talk with and all of the things you feel you’re currently lacking in won’t matter as much to them. Pick up a hobby. Bike, hike, paint, draw, build, bird watch, write, etc. Find a group for anything you’re interested in and you’ll be around people who enjoy what you do.

Join a bowling league!

Enlist in the French Foreign Legion.

*facepalm

Try listening to others instead,see what makes them tick, and maybe you might get some ideas as where to go next.
You might get inspired by someone you never expected to.

Oh, @stanleybmanly ! You KILL me! GA!

Are you the type who is willing to volunteer? Perhaps your involvement in some kind of volunteer work you would enjoy might make you see life from a different point of view. You will see the difficulties that exist and get motivated. That way you contribute, become fulfilled and meet others with a common goal. @DrasticDreamer has made some great suggestions. Another thing you could do is an online course in something you really like. All these things could broaden your horizons as well as pave the way for employment. You are NOT a lowlife you are just going through a foggy phase!

No I am a lowlife. And my question is not about how I can become more interesting. I’m wondering how to avoid elaborating on the details of my low life, socially, without seeming strange about it.

You do not need to elaborate on anything! You could find numerous topics to cover without even mentioning your lowlife. Do you really think other people are such ” high lves ” that they would be appalled by your low life? Come on, get out of that frame of thought. You must be depressed. Keep a neutral stance when talking to others, no need to go into personal details/explanations.

I’m afraid I don’t understand. You give me the impression you enjoy being some lowlife person, and don’t want to change. If that is so, then all you have is other lowlife nobody types to associate with. Talk about mountains of dirty laundry, and a keen sense of under accomplishment, or make yourself more worthy a topic for conversation.

I’m trying to clarify my question here: How can someone avoid talking about themselves, in a social environment, without it seeming strange? Is it possible?

You can socialize by being more of a listener than a speaker. There are passive types in social groups, those who mostly listen and don’t talk much.

People love to talk about themselves. Engage the other person by asking all about THEIR life.

Talk about other things and change their focus. If someone asks you a question about yourself that you don’t want to answer, give a minimal answer and either turn the question around and reflect it onto them, or change the subject.

I do think a better long term option is to change your own life so you do feel comfortable talking about what’s happening for you.

I have plenty of hobbies that revolve around things other than myself. Trust me, the neck-breaking acceleration of the Tesla P85D will steal the spotlight from you. Why talk about yourself when you “should” be talking about the upcoming Deus Ex:Mankind Divided?

Trust me, when you have hobbies, it’s real easy to talk about stuff other than yourself…. assuming you talk at all. @ZEPHYRA is correct.

I’m the most boring person in the world. I don’t do much.

Here is the magic.. Most people love talking about their drama. So just ask about them. Twitter and Facebook turned peoples vanity into billion dollar industries. Ride the wave of self-abortions.

Spree killings?

You are talking right now. We are all fucking boring, every single last one of us. I actually like this because it’s real. Most “interesting” people are bullshitters, exaggerators and charlatans that we could all deal without. Charisma IMO is usually a warning sign for me to stay the hell away from someone. This thinking that you are a “low life” is self defeating. You likely are not and may just need a little excitement or a goal to chase. When speaking to others honesty even brutal honesty is not a bad thing. People try to impress each other way too much and it usually just leads nowhere.

Just listen to other people. They like to talk about themselves and it might wind up inspiring for you, who knows. Either way, ask questions and let them keep going. I know people who talk about nothing more than themselves and can do it for hours. That certainly saves you from talking about yourself.

@Afos22: What is the structure of your day? What do you actually do during your waking hours? How do you define “lowlife”? Disreputable, criminal?

@gailcalled Correct. Those are the types of questions I’m looking to avoid.

You describe YOURSELF as a lowlife. Nobody would think of calling you that until you present yourself with that label: “Hi, I’m Afos, a lowlife. How are you?” That’s weird.

So don’t present yourself that way. Instead say, “Hi, I’m Afos. Let’s go get some coffee!” As for questions, stop thinking of yourself as a minus and think of the pluses you offer people. Without knowing you at all, I look at you as a potential friend, and a potential ally. I’d bet there are a lot of other plusses you have too.

@Afos22 :Your day? Get up, pee, brush teeth, make bed, have coffee and a bagel, don balaclava, go out, mug an old lady and then hold up a gas station?

For sake of argument, let’s assume that I am the least interesting person in the world. This question is Not about disputing that.

While it’s easy to socialize without talking about yourself, it’s hard to socialize if you show certain personality traits. Sarcasm can be a turnoff, as can being combative or a buzzkill. However, most people do like a sense of humor, so sarcasm walks a fine line between making friends and making enemies.
Also, people don’t like to be contradicted, generally don’t like condescension, and don’t take kindly to feeling insulted.

Presentation matters, generally more than substance. Even the most boring thing can become desirable if spun correctly.

Good answer @jerv .

@Afos22:The verdict is in. You are the least interesting person in the world. You will never have a social life.

@gailcalled So, is your position that it is impossible to have a social life without discussing the details of yourself?

I am speaking only about you. I have not yet done the research on the other 7,310,675,978 people.i’ll get back to you.

How is it possible to have a social life without discussing the details of yourself? @gailcalled What do you think? And do you have any tips or advice as to how that would work?

You’ll have an amazing social life if you invest yourself in other people. Find out what THEIR interests are, what foods do THEY like, where do THEY shop, etc. etc. etc.

And likewise If you hear a neighbor is sick, make them a meal or buy it from a restaurant and take it to them. If someone moves in down the street, drop by with a pizza during moving day. Try taking cookies to the family with a new baby.

It doesn’t even have to cost money! Be creative! If your neighbor is a shut-in, drop by and ask if you can weed their garden or mow the yard for them. If your neighbor’s dog gets out, help him catch it.

I’ve discovered some wonderful friends through volunteer work. So get out of the house and find a worthy cause and get going. And until you do find that friend, at least you’ll have things to do, which is waaay better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. I know because I’ve done both.

I appreciate the answers you guys are giving, and the time it takes to craft a well thought out response, which I see a lot of here.
I suppose the nature of my question makes it hard to ask the right way. I did not anticipate the way that my question would be received, and I’m unprepared as to how to clarify, and if it’s even worth further clarification, as such might be perceived as hostile and unappreciative or insatiable.

I think it would help if you’d define “socialize”, @Afos22. Where would you likely socialize?

@DrasticDreamer‘s most excellent advice:
“Pick up a hobby. Bike, hike, paint, draw, build, bird watch, write, etc. Find a group for anything you’re interested in and you’ll be around people who enjoy what you do.”
Built in topic of conversation.

@ZEPHYRA‘S equally excellent advice:
“Are you the type who is willing to volunteer?”
The same as having a job…you socialize about the trivial crap.

@gailcalled seemed to me to be asking how you pass your average day? After sleep, what are the top 5 things that occupy your day? Reading, knitting, watching TV, cleaning, talking on the phone…? That said, I challenge you to describe a day of your “boring and unimpressive” life.

PM me if I can help.

@gailcalled Now you know why I have so few friends… well, aside from those that I share a common interest with. Of course, I have a wide range of interests, so that kind of broadens my options when it comes to finding something to talk about other than myself.

Personally, I find people who talk about themselves rather boring. I don’t care if you’ve been to or done the latest cool thing. I’m way more interested in how your brain works and contemplates the seemingly mundane moments that we all experience.

So, tell me again @Afos22…are you interesting up in that brain of yours? Or are you really the most uninteresting person ever?

If your brain is uninteresting, having a seemingly interesting life with a gajillion hobbies isn’t going to do much for you (beyond impressing your acquaintances).

Talk about things that are happening in the world or your city. There’s always something going on. Read/watch the news and be aware of current events and current debates. Then you’ll never be short of something to talk about but you won’t be talking about yourself and your own boring life.

Listen to NPR a lot. You’ll learn loads of interesting things that you’ll be busting to share with someone.

My brother sent me a name of a book about the subject of being alone.
When I locate that old email with the name of that book and if you wish
I will give you the title.
The gist of it is that Society in general assumes that a life full of social
interactions and activities is the “norm” for everyone?
But in truth it is not.
It gave numerous examples from the history of famous peoples lives who
came from almost every discipline where the “brainstorming“solutions, creations were
born out of living a simple quiet life.
A lot of people that introduced to the world new tech,created better
solutions, art, that revolutionized and made our world today were
loners.
They were working on their ideas…alone and had no need for socializing
that used up their time that they could had use productively.
If and when they needed regeneration in terms of others around them,
they in fact did so, but not as much as seen in society today.
TV seems to take a lot of our time away from productive pursuits, plus convey
the idea that we are nothing unless we have materialistic goals of buying that big TV,
Car,House,etc
Thankful that most of us see through that messege and get out to exercise and
socialize when needed.
Not everyone is the extrovert, socializng, although in some sphere is necessary for
generating new ideas. Example: Some Artists and Musicians need the interaction to spur on creative ideas. So don’t feel bad if you decide to spend time alone.

I located a few websites so far that address the issue of loners in a positive light.
Famous people who changed the world by devoting their lives to creating, exploring etc
www.annelirufus.com
Her book called ‘Party of One’
also a www.mic.com articles on loners:

http://mic.com/articles/38991/5-loners-who-changed-the-course-of-history
Hope that lifts up your spirits a bit.

I should have asked in the general section. I don’t need cheering up guys, and I’m not a loner. It was just a question. Thank you anyway for your concerns. This was a hypothetical question about how people can converse while keeping their identity secret.

Alright then, invent a new persona. If you’re vastly wealthy, create a new “you” that you present to others that you’re middle class. If you have a French poodle, say you don’t have a dog. And so on. While you’re at it, give yourself a different name, so if you meet ‘em on the street and they call you by name, you’ll be cued to answer with your alt persona.

I don’t like being fake like that, but seriously, if you’re assuming that you’ll be interrogated in a social situation, then make it all up. Just keep your story straight.

@snowberry Good answer

@afos22 As you can see, your question was thought provoking though.

Are you asking how to use the art of smalltalk? There are some who can’t put together such conversations, and are capable only of deep subject matter as their topics.

I’d like to delete this question now

You can unfollow, @Afos22, so you don’t get updates, but you can’t delete your question.
You could ask the mods to archive it, but I doubt they would without some valid reason.
Just let it be.