Is it wrong or potentially detrimental for a partner to be jealous of you?

That strikes me as extremely wrong. You two should be a team going against the world. She should take as much pride in your accomplishments as you do in hers.

Is she very dissatisfied with her career/education?

My husband and I went through a bit of this when he took a new job that was very demanding and impacted our family and household. He really didn’t have my support to take the job because of all of its implications. I felt stuck picking up the slack for our family and, thus, stuck in my crappy job. It’s been a very difficult year for us, but we’re getting through it and I’m finally comfortable looking for a new job.

Anyway, there could be many dynamics at play here.

In general, jealousy is not good. But I can tell you that I was very jealous that I was not the kind of person to jump on an opportunity without the support of my partner and the firm knowledge that my kids and household wouldn’t be negatively impacted. I felt like he won and I lost.

If she is only admitting to smidge of jealousy along with feeling happy and proud that would be OK.

But if jealousy is her primary response, then something may be fundamentally wrong in your relationship.

I suggest couples counseling.

There is a personality trait that we all have, but in varying degrees. It is called, Competition. Here is the definition:

Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people’s performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow. Like all competitors, you need other people. You need to compare. If you can compare, you can compete, and if you can compete, you can win. And when you win, there is no feeling quite like it. You like measurement because it facilitates comparisons. You like other competitors because they invigorate you. You like contests because they must produce a winner. You particularly like contests where you know you have the inside track to be the winner. Although you are gracious to your fellow competitors and even stoic in defeat, you don’t compete for the fun of competing. You compete to win. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely. Source

I suspect, based upon the information provided so far, that the partner’s level of Competition is probably higher than yours. She may feel an innate need to compete, whereas this holds little value to you. If this is the case, then it’s just a matter of talking about it.

Everyone desires recognition, although its delivery method can vary from person to person. In your case, you want your partner to celebrate your ‘wins’. Unless she understands that, it is unlikely that she will do so because it isn’t in her nature. Please sit down and talk about it.

Dangerous and soul destroying.

It’s sad enough that someone is jealous of your success but what I don’t understand is the saying it part. Maybe they meant envious.

I think of it a little differently than most of the other responses. I think it’s great that she is comfortable being honest with you and can admit her feelings.

Maybe she’s miserable at work and wishes she could find something like you did.

It is something to discuss with her. Jealousy can be a very dangerous emotion and have a negative impact on both of you. Try to talk about it and get through it together. I tend to agree that you should both celebrate each other’s victories and accomplishments as a team.

In small doses, I don’t think it’s a big deal, but only if it’s outmatched by her being happy for you and your accomplishments. If anything, based on your other question, it seems more likely that it’s a direct reflection of how unhappy she is in her life at the moment.

However, based on your other questions, I’m strongly urging you to give some serious thought about your future with her. First you asked a question about an engagement ring and how she wouldn’t be happy unless it was expensive, then it was a question about her stopping having sex with you, and now it’s her admitting she’s jealous of you. I realize that there are tons of factors that probably don’t come across in your questions, but it seems to me like she just might have some pretty selfish tendencies and that she still has a lot of growing to do.

I’m not suggesting that you do anything drastic, but I really do urge you to not rush into marriage. Are you still in school?

@Cupcake She goes back and forth on it, but I neither of us are doing anything that is not approved by the other.
@marinelife I don’t think she’s like overly jealous or anything. I mean I’m glad she was just honest with how she was feeling. I think it’s a situation where she doesn’t want to feel that way, but she just does. She’s human and I can’t fault her for that.
@Pied_Pfeffer I think you may have hit the nail on the head! She is extremely competitive! I just wish it would be a situation where she wouldn’t compete with me because we are on the same team. I see it as us vs. other couples or us vs. the world. I am competitive too, but I see it as competing with other people or couples to be the best! I think that it may be her competitive nature. However, even though I’m competitive, when something awesome happens to her I am genuinely happy for her. It’s like she score more “points” for “our team”.
@flo Maybe so. I don’t think its to a super high degree or anything because she told me. I don’t think she wants to feel jealous of me or anything, but she just does.
@jca I think so too! I am just happy she told me most of all! I prefer that 1000 percent more than her keeping it in and letting something negative build up. I really respect her and am happy that she was open enough to be honest with how she is feeling. I do think she wants a career making more money even though she’s passionate about what she does. I know she gets stressed, but it’s hard to tell if she is really miserable. She loves what she gets to do and it’s been her passion for a long time, but she is dissatisfied with the money only pretty much. I think it’s a money vs. passion thing. I’ve told her to always follow her passion, but I think she’s thinking about following the money instead. However, I think she can have both if she follows her passion! Anyways, I’m going off topic…but I think she goes back and forth with being dissatisfied.
@StaceyD I agree. The thing is we have talked about it. She found some forum online that says it’s normal to feel jealous of a partner, but I wanted to ask because it didn’t feel right to me because of the whole “being on the same team” thing.
@DrasticDreamer I think you may be completely right. I do think she’s still happy for me even if she expresses that she’s jealous. She has expressed she’s not the happiest with her own situation right know concerning the aforementioned Passion vs. Money(which I will now be posting another question about soon).
Also, I know it may seem like things are bad from my questions, but I really love her. I’ve been with her throughout college and I think that all her good points outweigh the bad. Plus, the sex thing isn’t her fault. I can’t lie because I would say her one negative would fall into selfishness, but it’s something she realizes and works on. I actually just graduated from school and will be starting my full time career later this year. After thinking, I’ve also realized that I shouldn’t rush into marriage and will probably have more questions for you all leading up to that.

@RedKnight It doesn’t seem like there is anything to be gained by saying it, is what I mean. What can anyone do as a result of knowing something like that? In this case honesty is not always the best policy. Would you do her share of the housework for example? Or compromise on things that you wouldn’t have before? I’m guessing no, so if you are ever tempted to say something like that, (although it is highly unlikely, she is the one who said it) stop yourself.
In this case honesty is not always the best policy.

She sounds pretty shallow and rather selfish. Just my impression from this and other Qs you’ve asked.

She wants the big engagement ring and would be happy with nothing less, She doesn’t want to have sex with you, for whatever her reasons are. She is jealous of you. It sounds like an odd relationship, to say the least. If I were you, I would examine the relationship and the woman and think long and hard about it and about her.

On the other hand, if one partner cheats on the other they should immediately be honest and disclose it, whether it is because of STD, or whatever else reason. There’s where honesty counts. One could end up with cancer from STD.