People in long term relationships, but not married, will you answer some questions?

1. Yes.

2. Yes.

I fail to see how having the state’s blessing of my relationship would change any of that.

@Darth_Algar More financial protection when you’re married. Not that I’m saying people would or should change because they are married regarding these things. I’m asking because I’m curious what people feel about it.

Yes, there are certain benefits to registering your relationship with the state. What I’m saying, however, is that I fail to see how having the state’s sanction would effect my answers to the two questions posed.

I would fee a lot more insecure in those situation, if I were unmarried.

Then… I am married.

@whitenoise Why is that?

@JLeslie How is there more financial protection. I am divorced from a 7 year marriage. But, I am not understanding what you mean there.

@anniereborn Did you always work when you were married?

If the other person is the breadwinner, even if temporarily, and a divorce happens, the person not making money has legal protection because of the marriage that they will get a percentage of the savings and equity in property. Some of that can be taken care of without marriage by putting houses in both names (although it is not exactly the same as owning it like a married couple, and always keeping money separate. Although, if you give up your job and have zero money coming in for a time while your SO is earning, then your savings account is getting nothing. Unless he/she is actually depositing money into your sole account.

If your spouse dies most of inheritance to you is automatic unless he or she has written a will specifically excluding you. Even then some states still give the spouse a percentage if property and protect the homestead for the spouse overriding the will. If your spouse does and you live in America there is no tax on what you inherit. If you aren’t married there is. Although, they raised the estate tax threshold to $5million so that doesn’t affect as many people anymore. Most people don’t have $5million+ estates.

Gosh. Good question. Moving would be a huge, huge, HUGE deal for me, married or not. So huge to the point I might suggest he get an apartment where ever he moved to, and just come home on weekends.
Not sure if being married has changed that. If we weren’t married, I guess it would be easier to say, “Buh bye!”

@JLeslie Yes I worked, but sometimes it was just part time. It was an amicable divorce. Because he had put such a high percentage of money into our marriage/property, I did not ask him for any money. Although he did help me out a lot financially to get on my feet post-divorce. And, he didn’t die, so I didn’t even think about that.

@anniereborn Sounds like he had enough integrity that laws were not necessary. Hopefully, that would be the case married or not. There is a saying that you don’t divorce the person you married. Basically, you can’t predict who you will be dealing with if things go downhill. Not that I obsess about divorce, but if not married I would be more reluctant to give up my career or move for his career when it would hamper my career. However, maybe if I felt very secure with an SO and he made lots of money and paid for everything and my money got to sit in my account I would be less reluctant, but it can be a bad situation to be so financially dependent. It can be an insidious thing where the power shifts in the relationship.

Yes to both questions, here. Not in the US. Here’s an example: my sister lived with a man who owned a home for 15 years. The relationship soured, and he kicked her out. She got nothing. I was married over there for 3 and a half years to a wealthy but abusive man. I divorced him and got a settlement and alimony. Here, de facto status is the same as marriage so I don’t care about marriage.

Sorry, Annie.

Moving together means a huge commitment. Marriage is a commitment too, both financially as well as socially in expressing your commitment to the rest of the world.

That explicitly expressed commitment would reassure me more. Plus the statistics on staying together are on the side of the people that are married.

1. Currently not comfortable with that, married or no. I want a career. Maybe much later.

2. I was prepared to move across the country with Matt last year (senior year of college) because he was interviewing at Microsoft in Seattle. He did not get the job and we both breathed a slight sigh of relief. It’d be tougher now that we have an apartment and we both have jobs, but if he really wanted/needed to move, I sure as hell wouldn’t be staying behind.

It is a bit scarier to take a big risk for an SO when you’re not super well established, but I don’t think being married is the only thing that establishes a relationship. For me, it’s scary to put all my eggs in one basket because we’ve only been together for less than 1.5 year. But things are going great, so I’m willing to take risks.

“It is a bit scarier to take a big risk for an SO when you’re not super well established, but I don’t think being married is the only thing that establishes a relationship.”

Indeed to both. My SO and I aren’t married, and likely never will get married, but we’ve been together for a decade now and I dare say that our relationship is a hell of a lot firmer than my sister’s marriage is.

@Darth_Algar And if your SO gets a job in Asia you drop everything and go without any worry? You can’t work, you won’t have a Visa.

No, of course not. I lack the piece of paper, so I’m not really committed to this relationship. My sister, on the other hand, does have the piece of paper and so is absolutely committed to her relationship, despite the several affairs both she and her husband have had.

^^Leave the sarcasm. I certainly am not trying to say the piece of paper guarantees a happy long lasting relationship. I’m asking a question. If you would be fine with it then that’s fine with me. I’m not trying to change your mind. You know your relationship and what you feel comfortable doing.

Then I don’t see the point of your previous question.

My point was I don’t know if you are thinking about the same circumstances I am when you answer so I have a specific scenario. That scenario really happens to people in my circles.

We would have thoroughly discussed the issue together and came to a decision that makes this most sense for both of us together. So yes, I would move with her as we would have already agree that this made the most sense. Again, I fail to see how that would be any different if we had the sanction of the state.

Not the sanction; the protection. What do you think gay people are fighting for in America? Mostly, it has to do with the legal protections. Joy Behar finally married her SO of over 20 years because of the realities of the protections.

Yes, and that has nothing to do with my personal answers.

Who the heck is Joy Behar?