Would you consider this rude behavior?

Mmm, tough one! A bit rude if she doesn’t know you well. Is her brother far away or abroad so that they do not talk often? That could mean she wanted to speak to him then as she would not get another chance too soon. Were they discussing a serious issue? She could have told him she would call him back if it was not something serious. Yes, for a new friend she made you feel a bit awkward. I would have asked discreetly: ” Am I interrupting? ”

The lack of apology I would consider rude behavior. Also, the carrying on the convo with the brother for so long after your arrival, if such conversations were not not rare occasions, which I couldn’t tell from your details.
When I have a visitor for an evening, I feel it is rude to have casual phone conversations.

@canidmajor I couldn’t tell either and I know that they are dealing with her mother but the tone of the conversation was very casual. I feel that it is rude not to wind up a phone conversation quickly when a visitor walks into the house – unless maybe you are planning a funeral.

Was she actually using a gasp landline? Seems odd that the tone sounded casual. The only reason I can imagine a phone call keeping her from answering the door would be if it were a sensitive or private matter.

The behavior is odd.
The lack of apology is rude.

She was on a landline in the living room. The door to the sunroom was open and I had gone in that way before. She was sprawled in a chair and didn’t get up; just said, “I’ll be there in a minute.” It was 10 -15 minutes.

The mistake is Indian food. I can’t stand Indian food – it made me sick to my stomach once on a business trip.

Everything else follows from that.

My guess is that if you had brought in Pizza or Chinese food, she would have been off the phone instantly.

@elbanditoroso That’s funny but not true. We had both agreed to it. I was going over partly to try on saris.

I think it’s rude,but would have blown it off.

I think she was doubly rude, first for speaking so long on the phone and keeping you waiting and secondly for not apologising about it. I would have sounded her out about her brother, asked a few questions partly out of curiosity, partly to give her a chance to apologise and partly to try to find out if there was a reason for the lengthy call.

The lack of an apology is a tad rude,but with North America absolutely in love with the telephone doesn’t surprise me in the least.

I think it’s rude. She should have told the person on the phone that someone was at the door. Then she should have let you in and she should have told you that she was on the phone and she’d just be a minute. Then she should have just been a minute.

Unfortunately, people these days, because they can be reached 24 hours a day, think that they have to be available 24 hours a day too, but they don’t think about the etiquette involved in making other people wait, or making people have to listen to them shout conversations in public areas, or the danger of making them have to dodge their unsafe driving while they’re talking or texting in their cars while they’re supposed to be driving.

If I were you, I probably wouldn’t have called her out directly, because she is your friend and it most likely wasn’t her intention to be rude (although she was) so I might have just said something like, “Is your brother OK? Maybe I should come back another time.” which might have prompted her to say something like “I’m sorry, no it’s fine, come on in. Sorry to have kept you waiting.” But I wouldn’t have counted on her saying any of that. I’ve noticed that when people are engrossed in phone conversations, they simply don’t see/hear/think about much else. It’s a shame.

Not like you were outside the house. I wouldnt read into it so much. If it happens again plop down on the couch and watch TV.

I was just thinking the same thing @Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One.

I am a little more compassionate and forgiving I guess, I would not see it as blatant disrespect if I see it as disrespect at all. If I did not blast her for being late or not being able to figure out how, or GPS their way to my place, I would expect that when they get there late, if my conversation takes a little longer than expected, they would cool their heels; especially if it is with my family. If it had been me on the phone I would have tried to end the conversation sooner but would not feel obligated to do so, but I would try to get to the guest even if they were late, without having them stand around too long.

It just another manifestation of what has happened to our society in this generation. We forgotten what plain old manners are.

I haven’t yet read the previous answers but I would probably judge by how she acted for the rest of the visit. If she acted friendly and “normal” I would not hold it against her. It would help me if she told me she doesn’t talk to her brother a lot or he lives far away (if she mentioned those things, not with me being nosy of course). If she and I discussed my lateness and she said it was understandable because of the crazy roads around here, blah blah blah, it would help. I might be slightly annoyed when her conversation with the brother was occurring and the food was getting cold, but I know myself and I am quick to forgive and forget, as long as all else goes well.

I just read the previous and I agree with @Dutchess_III first comment (rude but would have blown it off) and @flutherother (like I said, I’d hope she’d provide some details about the brother – maybe there’s an issue). I’d have probably made myself comfortable in her house, by sitting down and maybe looking at some books on her bookshelf or looking out the window or just enjoying the solitude while she finished her conversation. I run around so much that I’d appreciate 10 or 15 minutes to just sit and chill for a while. I just bought a new car two months ago and now have 5,000 miles on it so a little peace in someone’s house would be enjoyable. If she kept chatting I’d probably drop a hint by starting to open up the food containers.

With a friend of longer standing I think this would be different, but with a “new” friend, as @janbb indicated, before the parameters of “acceptable casual” are established, I think it’s disrespectful to not even offer an apology or bare explanation.

@janbb: How was the rest of your visit? Was it pleasant? Is it something you both left saying “we’ll have to do this again” and meant it?

@jca The rest of the visit was nice. We’ll see what happens in the future. It isn’t a huge deal but I did find that beginning odd.

@janbb: I’d probably not think twice about it, then. I don’t talk on the phone when other people are around, unless I make it quick. I can’t concentrate on the call when I know someone else is lurking.

I think it’s rude. Unless the brother was phoning from overseas and it was an important call. In which case I would have suggested you take a seat and explained I have to take the call and then explained why the call was so important after it concluded. I would also have apologised to you for keeping you waiting and letting the food get cold.

Right up there with talking on the phone at a restaurant while the other person pretty much eats alone. Yes, it was rude.

I would have found myself a chair, and started eating.

So… Looking through the lens of time, was the initial behavior indicative of the long term? Was she actually going through a crisis at that point? How has your friendship worked out?

By the way, I would have wrapped up any conversation within a minute – unless it was talking someone from suicide.