What do you think of retirement communities and do you have experience choosing them?

Hi! Welcome to Fluther.
We have heard lots of stories about terrible care for elderly loved ones. These days there are many places which are independent living homes. There are dining rooms where all the residents eat together, and sometimes very nice menus. They are served by wait staff. Buzzers are located in their apartment to call for help. Well, you get the idea. You can visit these places, and people who live there are usually fine with talking about the care they receive. There are usually several common areas where residents can gather for some activity or another.
I wish you luck with your search. You don’t have to be afraid. Visiting in person is not frightening. You will meet many nice people.

There are a few shady companies (Imeritus is one) but the concept is great.
I would choose a place that has a really good assisted living attached to it so if he declines he wouldn’t have to move far.

I looked at that link and it looks very attractive. I would suggest that he spend some time there, perhaps a full day or two, before deciding. Check out the residents; Do they look his age and level of fitness? How formally do they dress for the dining room? Is he comfortable with that level of formality? Eat a meal or two in the dining room. Go to some of the activities and see if they are well attended.

My parents were in a few communities. The last one they were in in New Jersey was far too stuffy for my renegade mother who had made an impulsive decision. It was a nice place but she was a square peg in a round hole. It’s a lot like picking out a college; it has to be a good fit for you as well as affordable, well-maintained, etc.

And Judi’s idea about access to continuing care is a good one. My Dad was in the nursing wing for the last three years of his life while my Mom was in an apartment at the same place.

My M-I-L is in an apartment complex that caters to the elderly. When she turned 88 we finally convinced her that it was too dangerous for her to continue living alone on the farm. This was about five years after we told her we were selling the cows because at 83 she should not be out in the fields chasing cattle. She had fallen a couple of times and could not get up without assistance; once being on the ground for three hours until a neighbor happened to stop by. We leased the land so she could still look out and see cattle, she just no longer had to worry about their welfare (not that, it turns out, this stopped her). We started looking for a place back in town
Since, at 88, she was still extremely self sufficient, we really did not want or need a nursing home or a even an assisted living facility. We wanted a place that was safe, secure and would allow her the maximum amount of freedom.
Where she is staying they maintain an age standard, you have to be over 65 to live there. There are a few exceptions that have been allowed for younger people who have disabilities or are a caretaker for their elderly parent. but for the most part we alre talking folks in the 70 – 90 age range. Although the facility does receive federal funding, as far as we know, there are no charity cases here, residents pay monthly rent. This year I think it is costing my M-I-L about $725.00/mo for a two bedroom, one bath ground floor unit. Income levels vary; you have those who are living entirely on whatever they get from Social Security and those who have a very nice retirement income. There are married couples and singles; either divorced and widowed mainly.
The apartment facility it three story, has several elevators, is constructed around courtyards which maximize the green spaces. It also has a security fence around the perimeter with automatic gates that are closed after nine in the evening. Each tenant has a control for the gates and there are keypads to gain entry so we are not talking about locking people in, just limiting access for those who do not live there. There are no medical facilities (but a major hospital complex just up the road). The staff is not responsible for the well being of the tenant any more than any other landlord. They do not check on them or provide medication or anything other than building maintenance. The will change light bulbs, provide twice weekly garbage collection, repair malfunctioning equipment, plumbing, or other general building repairs.
They provide a movie theater, cafeteria style dining, swimming pools, library, computer room, programs such as dancing, bingo, bridge, speakers, field trips, occasional picnics and get togethers (4th of July,etc) to engage the residents, but these are all optional and, except for the dining, usually do not have any additional costs involved. Each unit has its own kitchen and using the dining room/cafeteria is optional. The charge by the meal, not a monthly fee. Most residents can eat a good meal and leave with a to-go box containing enough food for a second meal so it is relatively economical.
They have the typical management problems with office politics and drama but overall the staff is caring and helpful. At this time there is one woman there that is on the residents shit-list. She has become pretty autocratic and has run off a couple of volunteers, one of whom conducted the daily bingo games so there is an uproar right now and I predict she will not be around much longer.
This works out well for her at this time. She has her independence. Family is close by and visits frequently. She has made new friends and has company each day and has a variety of options for keeping herself entertained.
We have looked into options for the next phase, when she needs daily assisted care but have not been over impressed with what we see. We are hoping her health stays good and we can just get professional help to stop in a couple of times a week where she is at now instead of going into an assisted care facility. People seem to go downhill quickly once they get into that environment. This is even more true for a nursing home.

Hell, I wanna move there!

My son is Maintenance at a beautiful retirement home. It’s like family. It really is.

In Florida there are Active Adult communities all over the state and I think for the most part they are fantastic! Many of them are like big resorts with multiple activities like tennis, swimming pool, gym, and have social directors that organize club meetings, card games, parties, and more. I would be willing to live in one now and I’m 47.

Then there are assisted living places to live, which is different altogether, and also nursing homes. These are the places that sometimes have bad things happen. They can be depressing and sometimes a bad employee can do some horrible things from neglect to abuse. They aren’t all bad though, and sometimes it’s a very practical solution.