Would you give up breast feeding if it was making your baby colicky?

No. Statistically your baby is just as likely to get colic from formula as breast milk.

Well, in my friends case, formula seems to be the answer.

She may need to change her diet.

We eat weird stuff that can set off our babies. Something as simple as a handful of raisins can make baby feel ill. It is better to adjust our habits so our breastmilk is easier to digest.

My Mom was uber religious. She thought my baby’s colic was due to some sin I had in my life.

I would be (was and I am now) very flexible and not insist on doing anything as a hard and fast rule. If the doctor determined that this made the baby sick, I would stop it and do formula.

But what if the doctor was hard and fast about breast feeding, and never even mentioned it as a possibility? My friend had to figure it out on her own.

@Dutchess_III: If I didn’t know, then I’d probably figure out that maybe I should try something different, and that “something” would include a different diet, meaning formula.

See, it just didn’t occur to me because breast milk was supposed to be so magic, how could it possibly cause those kinds of problems? I guess I also figured the Dr. would say something, but she never did. I’m glad my friend figured it out on her own, tho.

I don’t have children, but I’m pretty sure I would give up breast feeding if it was causing mal effects for my baby. Sometimes nature isn’t best.

Given the benefits of breastfeeding, I don’t know why the mother wouldn’t first alter her diet to work on preventing colic, instead of switching to formula. It seems like a no-brainer to me.

I would alter my diet.

If altering diet would fix it I’d certainly try that. If it didn’t work I’d give up and go to formula.

I’d see if altering my diet resolved the problem before I gave up breastfeeding. There are so many benefits from breastfeeding for both mother and baby. If that didn’t help and I’d sought assistance from a nursing mother’s association, I’d try formula. It could be a problem with the way the baby is attaching to the breast, so it’s gulping a lot of air perhaps.

I think we can all assume the mother did want to breastfeed her baby. Or, was willing to.

The doctor didn’t suggest it might be the mother’s diet. Does anyone care to be annoyed with him/her?

@Dutchess_III put your friend on to this organisation. http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb.html

This was interesting. http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbjanfeb98p13.html

I kept nursing my youngest, even after he was diagnosed with reflux (a diagnosis of “colic” doesn’t happen much any more) and milk/soy intolerance. I immediately changed my diet to cut out all traces of dairy and soy… but made mistakes for weeks. Unfortunately, traces of milk can linger in mom’s breastmilk for 2 weeks. That made for many screamful, sleepless nights of questioning whether I was harming my baby more than helping.

One of the issues here is that it is so, so unlikely that any medical professional would ever say “Your breastmilk is causing harm/pain to your child and formula would be better.” So, as a mother, you’re left wondering.

I can’t imagine having any baby be a guinea pig in pain while she slowly eliminates certain things from her diet and narrows it down one by one, when switching to formula seemed to immediately make him happier and free of tummy pain. If you’ve never dealt with a colicky baby, you can’t imagine how painful it is to watch.

I agree @Dutchess_III.

I was a mother of a ‘high need’ baby. I breastfed until he was two. and when your baby is in pain you don’t ‘slowly eliminate’... you fucking stop eating any shit that might hurt him.

Really? Such as what, @cazzie? Everything? Just stop fucking eating all together? You seem to be assuming that the bad food should be “obvious.” It isn’t.

@Dutchess_III I wouldn’t wait too long either if my baby was in pain. I’d try getting rid of everything possible and see if it helped in a week or so. If it did I’d try to introduce back some foods and see if the baby was still ok. I don’t think I could torture the baby for more than a week if there was no improvement. I would alternate formula if the baby would take it while I changed my diet. The problem is I think changing some babies over to bottle or formula can be very difficult, so I think going back and forth would be too traumatic for some babies.

I don’t like when people judge or criticize moms who use formula. For some women and some babies breast feeding proves to be difficult or impossible.

I guess giving up is always an option…. but,
Coffee, garlic, onions, just for a start. Look things up. http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a8788/breastfeeding-and-your-diet

I pretty much agree with @cazzie, although @Dutchess_III is correct that it is not always obvious. There are so, so many benefits to breastmilk that I wasn’t willing to give it up without a good, honest try at eliminating allergens.

I’ve cut out dairy, soy, gluten, rice, corn, peanuts and eggs, although I initially cut out only dairy and soy at the recommendation of the pediatrician. I now nurse only at night (little guy is 1) and I will continue with that eating plan.

Again, I just can’t see using my kid as a guinea pig while I figured out what it was. I mean, the child was in serious PAIN. I could hardly bear it. If formula had been an instant success, I would have adopted it instantly.

@JLeslie Just how would one “get rid of everything possible,” short of quitting eating altogether?

So my little one was fed corn a couple of days ago, although I avoid it while breastfeeding and hadn’t fed it to him intentionally, and within an hour he was writhing around and vomiting and crying.

What’s my point? If you’re ever going to move on past formula (and you are), then you will make your kid a “guinea pig” (although I find your terminology harsh and judgmental… we’re all just trying to do what we think is best) when you feed them solid food.

My point is, why prolong their suffering for even a minute more, when it can be resolved instantly by changing what you feed them? Why make them continue to suffer while you experiment to find out what works and what doesn’t? And I’m talking about infants who are solely on breast milk or formula, not solid foods.

Because the benefits of breast milk to the child’s health are high. And sometimes getting everything working perfectly for mother and child can be a process of trial and error. However once that point is reached it’s also a joy for mother and child. Changes to a woman’s breast milk would happen quickly when she changed her diet. Initially adopting a very simple, clean diet would be a good starting point. If it was me, and my child was sensitive, I’d probably stick to a plain diet while feeding once I knew that worked for us both.

@Dutchess_III Why make them continue to suffer while you experiment to find out what works and what doesn’t? That is pretty much the definition of parenting. You both suffer though it. My kid didn’t come with a user manual from the hospital and all we can do is the best we can.

But if you have the answer that will stop the pain immediately, it would be cruel to keep letting her suffer for some high ideal surrounding breast feeding.

My personal thoughts on breastfeeding is that it’s fine if you want to do it. I breast fed until they were about 18 months old. However, I don’t think breast milk is any better than formula. Most of my generation were raised on formula and we’re fine. I know there will be violent disagreement with me on that but it doesn’t change how I feel. If I knew that switching my baby to formula would solve her pain, I would have done it in a heart beat.

Well, @Dutchess_III The scientific evidence doesn’t back up your personal opinion. But there is a decreasing value to breastfeeding as the weeks pass. I believe the data suggests that if you manage the first 3 weeks, you’ve done really well for your baby. If you manage 3 months, that is pretty awesome too, but not as important. Anything after that is just icing on the proverbial tit. Every parent, realising it or not, are constantly doing a cost/benefit analysis.

I think the psychological damage of being in pain all the time would be greater than any mild nutritional benefit the kid might get from breast milk.

@Dutchess_III I just mean I would give it a go with the foods commonly thought to cause the problem. Like I said, I wouldn’t last long if it wasn’t helping. I wouldn’t want to put the baby through it and I would start getting annoyed for myself too. If I had a baby breast feeding would be important to me, but not to the point of struggling for weeks on end while my baby suffers. Especially if I had been breast feeding for a while already. I’d figure good enough.

What foods are those? I’ve only heard of broccoli maybe causing gas, but I didn’t eat much broccoli, if any. I may have avoided it because of it.

I don’t know. I didn’t even know food could have such an effect. I learned it on this Q. See my first answer and then once people answered about the food I chimed in and said I would give the food a try.

@Dutchess_III if you change your diet, the effect on the baby should be immediate. You wouldn’t stop eating tomatoes, then onions and then garlic or whatever foods might cause the problem. You’d cut out any foods that have been identified as potentially problematic. You’ll know pretty quickly if that was the problem.

Breastfeeding provides protection for your baby against diseases and infections that could cause them far more pain than colic and that wouldn’t be so easily stopped. The
La Leche Foundation provides the following list of diseases and infections breastfeeding offers protection against.

“Breastfeeding has been shown to be protective against many illnesses, including painful ear infections, upper and lower respiratory ailments, allergies, intestinal disorders, colds, viruses, staph, strep and e coli infections, diabetes, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, many childhood cancers, meningitis, pneumonia, urinary tract infections, salmonella, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome(SIDS) as well as lifetime protection from Crohn’s Disease, ulcerative colitis, some lymphomas, insulin dependent diabetes, and for girls, breast and ovarian cancer.”

To provide my child with long-term protection from such ailments, I think it would be worth us both investing some time and pain in trying to make it work for us. And that’s before we even consider the emotional benefits in terms of bonding.

In addition, formula can contain chemicals/additives that may be harmful to your child. Look at the problems that have occured in China and India where lead has been found in foods. In first world countries like ours, that’s highly unlikely but not impossible. You know what’s in your own breast milk and you can modify your diet to ensure the final product is safe and clean of contaminants for your baby.

I’m not one of those people who believes women who don’t breastfeed should be held up to shaming. However, I do think if women can breastfeed, it’s the best thing for their baby.

The pediatrician and/or nutritionist should be able to help you sort out whether it is likely gas, reflux, food sensitivities or food allergies. That should point you in a direction of what foods to avoid.

@Earthbound_Misfit The immediate effect in dietary changes is partly true… but, for example, traces of dairy can remain in mom’s milk for up to 2 weeks.

@Earthbound_Misfit, that is cruel to force your child to “invest” pain…THEIR PAIN…for your ideals. If I was the one feeling pain, I’d suck it up. But we are talking about a helpless new born. Just cruel and selfish on your part.

“However, I do think if women can breastfeed, it’s the best thing for their baby.” Apparently, in my case, and in my friend’s case, it isn’t.

Again, I ask for a list of food that have been identified as potentially problematic. If we can’t get that list then I would be stuck doing exactly what everyone says not to do…eliminating one thing at a time, every 24 hours or so.

@Dutchess_III You’re being mean and judgmental.

My pediatrician told me to keep breastfeeding. She told me that the benefits to breastmilk outweighed the transitional discomfort. I’ll take her word over yours.

At what point is breastfeeding no longer more beneficial than formula feeding? I’d say when breastfeeding is causing the infant pain.

So you were OK, watching your baby scream and writhe in pain? Well, I wasn’t. But I didn’t know what to do, the doctor offered no advice, and it went on for the first 6 months. I sometimes wonder if it was a factor in the depression she suffers from today.

Are you being serious? Of course I wasn’t OK with it. It has been hell. Seriously. My 14 month old screamed for an hour last night. An hour. And we have absolutely no idea why. Food at daycare? Teeth? Breastmilk? Did he scratch his own eyeball? No fucking idea.

We clearly have different beliefs about breastmilk. If you think breastmilk is a source of calories and nothing else, then of course I would agree with you. But it’s not. It’s immunity. It’s prebiotics. It’s probiotics. It’s customized nutrition for my exact kid at his exact age. It’s bonding. It’s comfort. It’s nurturing. It’s a million things we can’t even identify yet. It’s (likely) the reason why my little guy was the only one in the household who didn’t get sick last week. It’s likely the reason he’s never had an ear infection.

I get that my buttons are being pushed here… partly due to your horendously judgemental and critical language and partly because I’m in the thick of this exact situation right now and haven’t gotten enough sleep to function well in over a year. And partly because I held my 14 month old baby covered in sweat from head to toe after an hour of screaming. Not crying. Screaming. Screaming and arching and digging his fingers into my face and neck. I can’t even count how many nights we’ve been through that (of course, not every night is that bad. He was sleeping through the night last week). I’ve been to two different pediatricians to discuss. Tried three medications. Cut out all traces of dairy, gluten, corn, rice, peanuts and soy. All traces. Monitored his diet. Researched and read profusely. Talked to my colleges who are nurses, nurse practitioners and pediatricians. Absolutely not one medical person I have talked to suggested stopping breastfeeding. Do you get that? Not one. Your anecdotal advice in no way trumps the medical advice of both pediatricians and every medical colleague I’ve talked to. And he did great for awhile until 3 nights ago.

So I’m not the bad parent here. I’m doing my very best and giving up food I want to eat and sacrificing for my little one. Breastfeeding is nurturing and sacrificial. It does not make me a bad parent. And it does not mean that I fucking enjoy holding my baby for an hour while he screams.

Good for you that formula fixed every issue your kid had. You’re in the minority. Kids with colic/reflux often have undiagnosed dietary intolerances. They’re bound to run into them once they start eating.

@Cupcake, you’re missing a few points. I never gave my colicky baby formula. It didn’t occur to me that it was my breast milk causing issues. The doctor gave me no suggestions. This was pre-internet so I really had no one else, really, to turn to. Someone told me broccoli causes gas, so I know I avoided that.

The formula worked for a young friend of mine whose baby is about 3 months old now. It worked instantly. I’m glad for her.

As for last night, if you had a simple cure for it, if you knew what it was, you would have applied that fix instantly last, night, right? I had to grit my teeth through my baby’s pain because I had no idea what was causing it. It was one of the most miserable times in my life and hers, too. Hours of driving around, at all hours of the day and night, because that’s the only time she would sleep without pain. I tried so many different things, nothing worked. I felt So much guilt because I couldn’t do anything about it (or so I thought.)

Thank you for the clarification.

Why feel guilt if there is nothing you can do about it?

I occasionally supplemented with dairy and soy free formula after he was 6 months old. It did help, or at least didn’t seem to make anything worse. I kept breastfeeding. So, no, I didn’t and wouldn’t have switched and completely abandoned breastfeeding. But even if I had, we would be in the same boat at this point now that he is teething and eating table food.

I would be a disaster without the internet. I realized that I had mastitis because of the internet. I realized that my little one had tongue and lip tie because of the internet (which had caused the mastitis and some of the nighttime crying). I found a dentist who would perform outpatient laser surgery on my 4 month-old on the internet (and printed directions to his office 5 hours away from the internet). And I have read plenty of clinical research and other reflux/allergy/intolerance/diet resources on the internet. I would have been lost otherwise.

Well, helplessness kind of feels like guilt, you know? You are supposed to…. take care of the baby, not ever let any thing bad happen to your baby. Something is causing her pain and I’m not doing a damn thing about it. It makes me want to cry to this day, remembering how hysterical and high pitched it got, as though she was just in agony. And my husband would start yelling at me, because he’s a jack ass. It was a nightmare time.

I learned I had mastitis because my breast got hard and lumpy. Talked to the Dr. about it and he said, mastitis. I told him that made me feel like a cow. He gave me antibiotics and told me to keep nursing, that was the best thing. I didn’t have to worry about giving the baby the bacteria, because she’ had given it to me first!

I wish the internet had been available to me too. This was in 1985, tho.

“I guess giving up is always an option…. but…garlic, onions….”

Note to self: don’t breastfeed pizza to my baby. ;-)

@Cupcake If it might take more than week maybe you could try formula for a week? Or, alternate if the baby is willing to alternate. Pump your own milk and throw it out.

I absolutely think mommy intuition matters and sometimes trumps doctors. Just something to think about. Did you say your baby is 14 months? That’s right about the age most studies say breast milk is very beneficial. They recommend breastfeeding at least through 14 months, so maybe you can take some pressure off yourself if you decide to stop.

I’m confused, did the baby just start having trouble? Or, your baby has been in pain for 14 months? If it just started fairly recently they must be missing something.

Did you ask the doctor what he thought about weaning the baby at this point considering everything that is happening?

One of my closest girlfriends got mastitis with her second baby. I think he was about 5 or 6 months at the time. That’s when she stopped breast feeding that baby.

Interesting. My Dr. said that breast feeding helped clear it up, along with antibiotics.

Wow. I’ve just been wracking my brain trying to think of what I could have been eating that could have caused it. By some of your comments, many of you, too, are assuming it’s something strong like onions and garlic, and I just don’t think I ate that much of those things. However, I just read this article and this stunned me: “The most common problematic foods are dairy products, eggs, wheat, shellfish, peanuts, corn, and citrus, and (surprisingly), soy.” Those are exactly the kinds of foods I would have eaten (except soy), especially diary products.
God, why wasn’t the internet invented sooner???

@Dutchess_III I have no idea what her doctor told her I just know she decided she was done. She had breastfed her first much longer. I think a year.

The older I get the more I think that Dr’s just make shit up sometimes.

Foods to avoid when breastfeeding a colicky baby: all dairy, caffeine, chocolate, wheat, soy, nuts, anything spicy, onions, broccoli, brussels sprouts, beans, peppers…just to name a few. It can take up to a week for the colic to subside after you’ve stopped eating these foods. All the while, your little one suffering still. I had been told by 3 doctors and 1 lactation consultant that the foods I ate would have no effect on my breastfeeding infant. They insisted I would be able to eat and drink my normal diet and could even indulge in a glass of wine. Hooray! Total freedom! Wrong.

Many sleepless nights, several doctor visits, and numerous medications later, I still had a very unhappy baby. Watching her scream and cry for hours at a time, seemingly in a lot of stomach discomfort, I did my own research. It turns out it’s possible the mother’s diet does matter in some cases. To me, this doesn’t seem strange. What seems strange is the fact that no doctor had ever mentioned this possibility. But at the same time, all the avoidance foods listed are a lot of what my daily diet consisted of, Caffeine? Absolutely. I’m trying to keep up with a 3 year old and newborn on only a couple hours of sleep. All those gassy foods? Sure. I like to eat healthy and our family dinners often include “gassy” vegetables. Dairy? Sometimes. I like cheese on my sandwiches. I cut out the most obvious culprits but still found myself questioning every item of food I put in my mouth. “Will this hurt my baby? I should Google this before I eat it. I bet this could cause my baby pain too.” It was like being pregnant all over again, but worse. I had to worry whether something I ate would physically cause my baby pain and hours of screaming.

And then something happened. I tried formula. And it worked. My miserable munchkin was happy for the first time since birth. I still wasn’t convinced. I thought to myself, there’s no way formula agrees with her more than my milk. That goes against everything doctor’s and lactation consultants and friends have told me. So I went back to breastfeeding again and I had an unhappy baby again. Coincidence? Whether the problem stemmed from something I was eating, her not getting enough milk, or whatever the issue may have been, the point was I had found a solution. It wasn’t what I wanted. The bonding experience of breastfeeding is not something that can be duplicated with a plastic bottle of formula. But the emotional pain it caused me to stop is nothing compared to the physical pain it caused my baby girl to continue. The choice was clear.

@ItalianPrincess1217 That all makes sense to me. You tried. You even did a re-challenge taking her off your milk and then back on. It might have nothing to do with what you eat. It might be some enzyme or lack thereof. Who knows. She’s doing better now and so are you, that’s what matters in my opinion. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you did the wrong thing. Other moms might do something different, so what. Each mom does what they believe to be best, and as long as it’s all within reason I don’t think anyone should judge.

Well said @ItalianPrincess1217. And, my young friend, wish I had been as wise as you.

This article seemed very comprehensive for the moms who want to continue to breastfeed but the baby is having trouble. Lots of ideas besides mom’s diet. Probably those of you struggling with it have come across is, but just in case I thought I would post it.

@JLeslie My little guy has had trouble with reflux since 4 months of age. Immediately upon diagnosis, I cut out dairy and soy… although I am always finding little ways that it is snuck in to foods. I basically make all of my own foods now (and have also cut out gluten, corn, rice, peanuts for my own digestive reasons) and have a whole-foods approach to eating.

I was intent on breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months. I will not go into the science/clinical research here… but it was very important to me. Then, when he developed this pain and possible digestive problems, I felt that the enzymes and bacteria in breastmilk might be beneficial, even though the traces of foods that he had sensitivity to wouldn’t be. I had to weigh the options. I ended up continuing to breastfeed, while being meticulous with my diet (and, of course, discovering some unintentional mistakes here and there) and his diet, once he started eating. I also supplemented with dairy/soy-free formula. I think the stress of never getting enough sleep at night, sleeping in 1 hour intervals and being awakened with an infant screaming and writhing in pain, as well as the stress of not knowing whether I was doing the right thing, and possibly due to eating less carbs than ideal for milk production – my milk supply dwindled a bit. I kept up with supplementing with formula (maybe 3 bottles-worth a week) until he turned 1. Now I breastfeed to put him to sleep at night, breastfeed him when he wakes up crying at night (doesn’t usually happen any more) and in the morning… and feed him oat/almond milk during the day. He still does not get any dairy. He has started eating sprouted Ezekial bread, which has sprouted soybeans… and doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. I make my own ghee, which shouldn’t have any milk sugar or protein in it, and while I don’t give him any… I eat it and don’t see any ill effect in him.

Mostly, he’s good now. But from 4 months to 12 months… we were chronically exhausted. And then a week ago we had an incident where he was fed corn and vomited and was up for 3 nights screaming. I think he’s also getting molars… so who knows what was going on. Last night was the first night without giving him Ibuprofen… and he slept from 8:30pm until 4:30am.

Thanks for the advice. I probably would have supplemented a bit more if I didn’t work next to a world-guru on breastfeeding. I really pushed myself with the nursing and pumping until he was 12 months old. I don’t pump any more (thank goodness… I freaking hate pumping, especially at work).

I really think that my little guy has/had (I don’t know when I’ll be brave enough to try dairy with him) a milk intolerance. I also think his esophageal valve was/is immature and didn’t tighten up (which usually happens around 6–12 months). No one seems to think there is a value of having a scope, which would require anesthesia, at this point. Also, he cannot undergo allergy/intolerance testing because I am still breastfeeding and the tests would be inconclusive. So we wait it out. Not a huge deal now that he is mostly sleeping through the night and I am dairy-free anyway. I switched my older toddler to dairy-free when the baby went dairy-free, and his eczema and hugely swollen belly went away almost immediately. I have no problem continuing with a dairy-free diet for me and the boys.

He switched to a new medication at 12 months of age, which is when he finally showed some improvement. No one had told us prior to that that the acid-blocker medication should be given on an empty stomach. So it’s possible that the previous medications might have worked better for him had we given them on an empty stomach (which is near-impossible to do… but we’ve found a way to make it mostly work). The pediatrician seems to no longer believe that he has reflux. I think she’s trying to put us in a box of over-medicating parents or something. Which I am not. I agree with your point about intuition, which is why we kept trying new medications. I am very upset with how the pediatrician has ignored our concerns and chalked his screaming and writhing in pain to “behavioral issues”. So, I plan on finding a new pediatrician. I’ve been with her for over 18–½ years and have to grieve this loss. I’ve been avoiding, so far.

I guess that says it all. Yes, I remember my baby not sleeping for more than an hour at a time, even as a new born. She’d scream herself into exhaustion and sleep so deep she couldn’t feel the pain…but as she slowly surfaced the pain would wake her up…... It was horrible.

@Cupcake Sorry ahead of time for the length of my response.

You really have been through a storm. I can only imagine. I read through what you wrote, but I’m unclear on a couple of things. I was going to suggest giving the baby some Lactaid (anything I recommend you would have to check with your doctor or at minimum read the labels if it is safe for infants) but you say the baby is on a dairy free diet now, and I honestly have no idea if human milk responds to that drug. I assume you tried antigas meds in case it might be that.

It’s pretty frustrating to me that the pharmacy didn’t clearly mark that the medication you tried for a while needs to be given on an empty stomach. It’s a horrible lesson to learn while caring for an infant in pain. All medication for all ages people we should confirm if it needs to be taken on an empty stomach or not. It’s the first thing I check. That and if it is necessary to avoid dairy, avoid sun, and if it specifically states to take the medication with plenty of water. Those are all more important than most people realize.

I’m in the camp that dairy is bad for us, so if you can live dairy free more power to you. I was dairy free for months at a time on and off for about 5 years, and I think I was healthier without it. I need to get back to it. Obviously, you just need to make sure the baby gets vital fats necessary to grow and be healthy, which often in America is from dairy foods. It sounds to me like you are a sponge of information, so I don’t doubt for a second you are doing everything possible to ensure he gets the necessary nutrients.

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but you remind me of 4 of my close friends. Three of them felt very strongly about Catholic school for their children, the other just about private school in general. Possibly, they even judged other parents as not doing the best for their kids if the children went to public school.

Each of the Catholic friends during the elementary years of one of their kids had to deal with the decision of putting their child in public school. In one case the child was getting into trouble a lot and pigeon holed by the teachers. Another friend the child wasn’t fitting in very well and felt picked on. Another had more opportunities to follow her interests in public school. All of my friends were nervous wrecks deciding to put their kids in public school. They called me and told me how they cried about, afraid, even angry. They were becoming the mom they never thought they would be. All three children did better in public school in the end. One will be going back to private for high school, but not because public had been bad for him.

I think those moms had a crisis of their world being out of joint. Cognative Dissonance. They had decided way before their children were ever born what is good and bad regarding education and now they were about to opt for what they had decided was inferior. It was extremely hard for them, and I think maybe you are going through some of that. You are holding onto what you decided was best, but you couldn’t anticipate what would happen. My 4th friend is Christian and took her son out of private school in high school, and home schooled him, because she was convinced she would be seen as an awful parent to put him in public school, and in retrospect she wishes she had tried it.

I don’t know if the breastfeeding is the problem for your baby or not. It sounds more complicated possibly, but I hope if you choose to stop breastfeeding, if it is causing some of the problem, that you give yourself a break. It’s ok. You’re a good mom. I have no doubt in my mind you have bent yourself into a pretzel trying to help your baby with great sacrifice.

As far as your doctor, I don’t know your full history with her, but I’ll tell you something about me. When I ask a friend or acquaintance for a referral to a doctor I ask them if they have health problems. If they live their GYN, but never have a health problem down there, then I have no idea how that doctor handles difficult health problems. Same for your pediatrician if she has been great for you for very straight forward sickness and well visits. That’s a whole different ball game.

I hope you find answers soon. The best would be if your baby just grew out of it all tomorrow. Here’s hoping.