I never had kids, but this is how it was decided in my house when I was a kid: Baseball, football, or basketball season would arrive and my father would announce at the dinner table that all his boys would try out for the school or community leagues because clean competition and teamwork are valuable tools in life. He announced that all his seven children would join Four H because he wanted us to know hard work and learn the joy of completing long-term projects—and as a city boy, he felt farm and ranch work was the hardest work devised by God. At the appropriate age, he would insist that each one of us would join either the Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. But his fiats often came abruptly and out of nowhere and he would let the chips fall where they may. It was then up to my mother, his executive officer, so to speak, to carry out the orders.
Thank god for Mom. She would hold private discussions on the given subject with each of us, and through a combination of information garnered from these and the fact that she knew well the individual characters in her own brood, would make the final decisions as to who would do what. My father was happy to learn that three of his five boys enjoyed baseball, two excelled in football, we had competitive swimmers and sailors. My older sister did well at Four H, got herself a pony, and later entered competitive dressage which enriched her teenage and early adulthood. My younger sister, the penultimate individualist, refused Four H (too much dirt), hated the very idea of Girl Scouts, but loved the water and eventually became a world champion windsurfer from 1980 through 1987 or so, and then an U. S. Olympic coach. We had an Eagle Scout. We had a trombonist and a pianist. But if it wasn’t for my mother’s moderation and her patient allowance to listen to each of our aspirations, this would have been a disaster and my parent’s money would have been wasted.
Dad never objected to Mom’s modifications. I think he depended on it and was always supportive, even when we didn’t do well. He was the idea man, the CEO, the project starter, and the money man. And she made things happen in a way both nurturing and acceptable to the troops. It worked out well. These activities, once they took, became leverage for better grades. My big brother was weak in high school math, but wanted to fly. My father actually went into debt to get him flying lessons and wouldn’t allow my brother to solo until he not only passed, but aced the classroom work. It sounds like out and out bribery, but it worked. My brother never had trouble with math after that.
Listen to your kids, know their strengths, weaknesses, dreams and what they need. Then make a competent, realistic decision devoid of your own aspirations.
Composing members:
0
Composing members:
0
