Truthfully now, have you ever?

Funny question. Well, there have been a few times through the years when I made it to the porcelain library by, er, the seat of my pants, but not since elementary school did I ever experience fallout.

No, never.

Just once as an adult. I was stuck in a traffic back-up caused by an accident. There’s was nothing I could do but get on the phone and rearrange my schedule for the rest of the day.

“Hello, Joe, I have to cancel our meeting, as something came out that I wasn’t expecting. UP, something came UP, that I wasn’t expecting.” ;)

It was me, but it wasn’t me.

Hubby and I were hours away from home and were sitting in the car while I was nursing the baby. Then the baby had a massive, I mean MASSIVE BM. It was gooey, and went from her neck way down into the legs of her jumper. And of course it also went all over my nice outfit. Hubby quickly drove a few blocks and dived into the nearest Walmart and came out with a brand new set of clothes including underwear.

I was miserable, because although I used about a half box of baby wipes and changed clothes in the car, I certainly was not clean.

Um, only in peeing situations, in which case it wasn’t that hard to find a private spot to relieve myself.

But, now you’ve opened me up to this story. I was in college. I was at a party about 100 miles away from Manhattan, where I went to school.
There was a flower vase, with a flower in it, and the flower part was below the lip. It was on the table next to me. Someone said, “Boy, you’ll never get the flower out of there!”
I snorted and said, “Watch!” and proceeded to dump the flower vase upside down…at which point I realized it was really a bong. Boy, did I stink and I didn’t have a change of clothes.
I scrubbed and scrubbed my overalls in the bathroom, then poured on a lot of perfume. I’m sure none of it helped.
Then we hit the road for home and eventually I had to pee. For EVER so long I had to pee! Finally, in desperation, we stopped by the side of the road, praying a car wouldn’t come, and I peed and peed and peed.
It wasn’t until I went to hook my overalls back up that I realized I had peed on my overall strap.
For some reason, not one single guy hit on me that night!

I was at the OSU outpatient center for a GI scan for which I had to drink a bunch of contrast media. I was there all afternoon and when they finished the scan there was nobody left in the waiting room. The place was dark. On my way home I was on the freeway in what seemed a lot of traffic it came… as suddenly as a fart only liquid. All I could do was grab a magazine and sit in it til I got home. Nobody told me there would be that side effect. The next day at work I started to tell the tale and an older member of my staff blurted out ‘You shat yourself didn’t you” Same thing happened to him a couple of weeks earlier.

No, never while driving thankfully.
One time years ago I had a violent stomach flu and well, how to put this gently, while throwing up in the toilet had the other end lose all control. It was the most hideous moment, I wanted to die, truly. I took my soiled bath robe out to the laundry sink in the garage, filled it with hot water and a whole box of soap and left it to soak.

I kept going out to the garage and adding more soap and water and stirring it around with a broom stick for about 2 weeks when I realized I would never be able to face that bath robe again. lol
I popped the plug in the sink, fished it out with the broomstick and sealed it in a trash bag never to be seen again. haha

When I was pregnant and driving in my car, at a stoplight I lost it and had to open my door and vomit out the door.

@Coloma That has happened to me too. Every time I feel sick now I panic that I have a stomach flu and it’s going to happen again.

In the early days of our relationship I used to struggle with going to the toilet whenever my boyfriend and I stayed in a hotel together. I would become constipated because I was so embarrassed about the possibility that he might hear me going and so I just bunged up completely. That was fine for a day or so but when we had a holiday that lasted more than a weekend it would cause a lot of pain. I had to finally confront this fear when, on our way home from a 6 day holiday in Scotland, I was in so much pain and my stomach just dropped. It was incredibly close, I made it to a toilet but a minute or two longer and I wouldn’t have. My boyfriend didn’t know that I had come so close to shitting mysf but I decided that it was time to have a frank discussion about my irrational fear of having a poo when he is in the next room!! I now tell him when I need to go and he makes sure he the TV is up loud and doesn’t question me when I put the shower on to drown out any sounds!! We are moving in together soon and thankfully the bathroom is quite far away from the bedroom or any living areas!

Poo Pourri is a real product. I got some on a lark and it really works pretty good! I wish it did years ago when I rendered my In-Law’s bathroom unsuitable for human habitation. White Castles and Beer make a toxic cocktail. My wife and I are still married and I am working on a DIY version as we speak.

@majorrich We made our own version of Poo Puori here. It has essential oils that seal in the smell. That’s all it really is. The oils make a film on the water that traps odors.

^^^ What the…forgive the typos, “puori” whatever. I am brain dead from the heat wave here. lol

You will never be forgiven. Never!