NSFW - Lesbian Crush?

(NSFW) Ask your husband if he wants a three way. Problem solved. Win win.

Put on something sexy, cook your hubby his special go-to mean and seduce him, I think you will be getting hugs more wonderful that you can imagine.

Hubby would not go for it. He has baby mama drama and 2 of his ex’s are bi-sexual. His insecurity could not handle a woman in our bed. And I would not want to share either of them. Besides, this woman I speak of would NEVER go for it. I think she is a GOLD Star lesbian. She would never sleep with a man and he wouldn’t find her attractive. She is androgynous and looks boy-like.

Hypocrisy_Central that does not work. Hubby works at night, sleeps all day. He is too tired for hugs let alone seduction and sex. When we do have sex it’s good but far and few in between. He is not affectionate and even during, after or before… no hugs.

@Akua The things I regret in my life are the times I held back and didn’t go for it. And it doesn’t sound like hubby is putting much effort in. So I’d ask her out for coffee and just see where it goes.

If you are married, you should not be looking. The sex of the prospective partner to the kiss doesn’t matter. It is still cheating on your partner.

If you want to follow up, you should end your current relationship first.

He is not affectionate and even during, after or before… no hugs.
That seems to be the problem why that hug keeps vexing you, is that you wish he gave you one like that but is clueless to give it. Guess it is your job to teach him somehow.

@marinelife you have a point. IF my husband and I had that type of relationship. But we have discussed what we would do if the other cheated and we have discussed what is priority. He knows I am curious and he knows how I feel about the LGBT community. I would not end a marriage to a person I love and made a promise of forever to, just to bang this girl. WTF!?!?! Hubby and I agreed no matter what this is it. No divorce, no leaving. We deal with what we deal with. But we don’t leave. I know he loves me and I love him. My “infatuation” is not a reason to leave my husband and I think he would agree. This topic wasn’t about my marriage, it was about my feelings for a woman in class. My marriage isn’t going anywhere and neither is my husband. My husband understands the difference between sex and love. I understand the difference.

@Hypocrisy_Central . Probably. But he has never been affectionate and I still love him. It is a family thing and neither one of us grew up in affectionate homes, so I get that part about him. No; this hug she gave me was deliberate. Like she was trying to convey A MESSAGE. She slowly opened her arms and gently embraced me, but barely touched me. As if she were comforting me or something. It was weird but felt so good. I wanted to lay my head on her shoulder and *sigh.

P.S I wan to add that I’m not even sure of her name… WOW

I have someone married who I would like a (((hug))). But I leave her alone.

Playing with fire, and you know it already. Your crush’s gender is YOUR issue. An affair is an affair.

lol I don’t have an “issue” with her gender. She is not the first woman I have been attracted to @stanleybmanly . And my husband has already said he knows me. His only concern is that I don’t leave him for anyone else. Yes, an affair is an affair, but I was just asking for advice to be her friend and maybe get a kiss. Chill out with all the moral shit will ya? Maybe a man isn’t the best candidate to answer this question lol.

I think it’s sad that this is labeled NSFW. It’s just a hug and a crush. I bet anything that if the OP had the experience with a man, it wouldn’t be considered NSFW.

It just sounds like you’re starving for affection that you aren’t getting from your husband. Some people are good huggers. You met one and now you know what you’re missing. There’s nothing wrong with wanting affection. If you don’t think your husband is willing to even try to offer it, your marriage is in a lot more trouble than you think it is.

Thank you @keobooks for a sincere and thoughtful reply. I agree with you 100%, Like I stated before, hubby is not affectionate and he knows this. I am not going to leave him over a hug. I accept the fact that he was not taught how to show affection by his parents, and I won’t punish him by leaving him for someone who knows how to hug. He is not a hugger. Fine. It doesn’t mean I can’t accept hugs from her. And yes I admit, I am starved for attention and I told him this several weeks ago and he just stared at me. I have talked, cried and begged. I went from 138 to 114 ponds. If I can’t get a hug from him Im not going to abandon him but I sure as hell am not going to emotionally starve myself! Hubby already told me that if I neglected his needs he would seek them elsewhere but would never leave his wife for something so fickle. Well. what is good for the goose…

Some problems can’t be answered. You might have to let her go.

You may be very disappointed when you discover that the woman wasn’t flirting or anything. Some people just give really good hugs. I’m not saying it’s for sure, but I know first hand that it’s really easy to see more than what’s there when you’re totally starving for affection.

You say you don’t want to punish him for being unable to be affectionate, but you’re totally willing to punish and deprive yourself for wanting it so badly that you lose weight and freak out over it? And it’s OK that he doesn’t care? And still, you’re totally OK with him threatening to cheat on you if you don’t put out enough?

Hell, why not go ahead and cheat. Just tell him he’s neglecting your needs. See if he’s as understanding as he wants you to be in the same situation. My guess is that he’ll kick you to the curb after telling you that he’s already got someone on the side waiting for him.

As long as you’re upfront about your feelings with your husband then anything’s on the table. It’s only when you have to keep things a secret that there’s a betrayal. Just be open and honest and do what comes natural. If you think she reciprocates your affection and your husband is ok with it then sure.

It does sound like this could result in feelings being hurt though so tread lightly and move slowly. Also bear in mind that sometimes the fantasy is more exciting than the reality.

Completely agree with @gorillapaws. Honesty is the best policy. If your husband knows about it and doesn’t care, I don’t see what the problem is. Regarding her, just be honest and say you have a crush on her. It’ll either go somewhere, or it won’t, but then you won’t have to wonder.

Probably. But he has never been affectionate and I still love him. It is a family thing and neither one of us grew up in affectionate homes, so I get that part about him.
I am sure you could think of ways to show him what it is to be affectionate and how it feels like:
• While he is sitting watching TV come behind him and hug his neck, to as some spice, nibble his ear for five seconds then break off.
• He walks in the room; give him the hug the woman gave you.
• Sit next to him, put his head to your bosom and massage his head for a minute or two.

Take the offense, don’t just wait for him to move.

Is that a soft drink for ladies who take another woman for a lover?

@ucme _ Sorry, I didn’t get your comment. Apparently someone did though.
@Hypocrisy_Central We have been together since we were kids, so I think I know him pretty well. Many times we broke up and we dated other people. He would always come asking me to come back to him. We have been through a lot. That being said; I am not unaffectionate and I do initiate affection. When I touch or kiss his neck he says it tickles and cringes, at times I have gotten so excited to see him that I literally run and jump into his arms, hugging and kissing him. He immediately pushes me away. He has even become angry at me, snapped at me, saying that I am too playful. I have never waited for him to make the first move or else we would have never have met! LOL.
@keobooks – I’m honest regarding my feelings and I did tell him I was starved for affection and attention. He said absolutely nothing to me about it except “Did you move my box of tools?”.
Anyway thanks for the thoughtful replies. Some could be mis-interpreted as a judgement but at the end of the day no one knows what kind of understanding my spouse and I have. I only wanted to know how to be friend with this girl without being awkward and scaring her off and most of the answers seem to focus on my marriage and not the OP. I didn’t say I wanted to sleep with her or cheat. I said I would love to kiss her, but didn’t say I would.
... No matter, I spoke with her today. Thanks anyway..

@Akua Why on earth are you apologising?

It’s just seriously hard to ignore the way that you describe your husband in this post. Most of us couldn’t imagine being with someone who cringes at being touched, refuse to touch and threatens to cheat if he’s not physically satisfied. It’s likely the reason you have a big crush on someone who simply hugged you. I think most people would assume you’re not in a very happy situation at home.

I’m just telling you this so you won’t continue to be confused as to why people mention it in their posts.

Hubby already told me that if I neglected his needs he would seek them elsewhere but would never leave his wife for something so fickle.
I missed that which @keobooks I have to say you are getting a very short end of the stick on this one. Him not wanting to leave but to have intimacy only on his terms, sorry to say, but any real man would never cheat on his wife or girlfriend because he wasn’t getting enough sex the way he wanted not regarding her in the equation. It almost appears that the only reason for him to be married is to have available sex with someone he knows he will not catch any ”critters” from, and maybe to help with the bills and do the laundry. I have never seen anyone (men I known) who were straight don’t cringe or find it repugnant for their woman to hug or caress them outside the sexual bed. They love clutching and handling their woman. If he could so easily be willing to boink another to satisfy him taking no account to his duty and loyalty to you…..I would have to question how deep his love actually is.

Yes @keobooks @Hypocrisy_Central , I will not argue with you on any of those points. In all fairness to him, his comment about seeking satisfaction elsewhere was (I think) hypothetical. As in: if for any reason I decided I didn’t like sex anymore and refused to make love (or couldn’t for medical reasons), over a long period of time, he would seek a quickie with someone else. He was also kind enough to give me the same option, if the circumstances arose, (so kind of him right? LOL). I understand the confusion and I am very introspective and I love psychology, so I know WHY I act the way I do and why I feel the way I feel. The funny part is the more he starves me, the more attracted I am to women. LOL. No but seriously, I know I’m getting a raw deal people, but he is my husband like so many others have pointed out, there is not much I can do about it but suck it up. He has so many excuses for his lack of affection and attentiveness; he is too tired from working at night, he is not feeling well, he is too ticklish or it’s too hot are some of his favorites. What has this world come to when a hot, sexy woman like me can’t get a long kiss and a deep hug from her man?

^ Are you sure you are not just his “beard”? 8-o

@Hypocrisy_Central Hmmm…Well if that turns out to be true then I guess the jokes on me then huh? Him and I just argued 2 hours ago where I reminded him I was starved. I just irritate him when I start talking about my needs, my feelings, etc. I’m just trying to keep focused on school, meet new people and find out what I’m good at. If he has secrets, that’s on him. All I can do is live an authentic life and love fem my heart. I wish he could show me a fraction of the love I feel for him.

I felt sad reading your description of your relationships. Possibly because I have felt this way too. I was thinking that it doesn’t matter how you or this woman class your sexual orientation, if you like her then what’s stopping you being friends? (Maybe finding out her name might be a good starting point!). Lots of people have friendships that are full of affection and being comfortable with each other, why shouldn’t you? I am confused in general with our society’s rules about friendship. Why shouldn’t finding someone attractive be a basis for friendship? It seems to work quite well for romantic relationships.

Thanks @Stinley. You’re absolutely right. I did speak to her and her name is Kenily, I call her Kenny. Not only is she becoming a good friend but so are a few other ladies in the class. I am an introvert but I have to honestly say I look forward to spending time with these women every day. Men fail to realize that female friendships are very different then our male counterparts. At least the ones I know of. These friendships are deep, loving, physically and emotionally intimate (not necessarily sexual) and comforting. We definitely flirt with each other, but it’s all in sexy fun. But it’s been years since I have had a friend in my life and when I do meet someone I think has some longevity, they turn out to be crazy. LOL. But I forgot how nice it is to be missed and wanted. Each of us walk into the room in the morning and the others go wild. Another was crying today missing her dead brother, and it was hugs all around, We kiss each other hello and goodbye, hold each other, discuss problems at home and stroke/braid each others’ hair. Their affection for me, in some ways, makes me feel less needy and desperate for the love I’m never going to get at home.
SIDE NOTE: Yesterday husband violated my privacy, and read this entire thread here on Fluther. Now I’m trying to decide what to do with him. I want to run him over with my truck, but jail isn’t an option. Now I’m neglected, hurt and betrayed by the one who loves me the most.

@Akua If your husband won’t listen to your pleas for affection, and apparently doesn’t care if you seek it elsewhere, what was his reason for snooping? :-/ Not a good sign.

@Akua You could start the truck, ask him to put in some windshield washer fluid, then let your foot slip. It happens. Bummer if he’s in the way.

@Akua Hypothetical question here, would you still be dead set against leaving your husband if you fell in love with someone else, male or female, who could give you the affection you want? Why are you so against divorce? I understand that you love your husband at this moment in time despite his lack of affection but you may find yourself resenting him as time goes on if you continue to feel starved.

If you develop a friendship with this woman that eventually did lead to a kiss or more your crush may turn into something stronger. I know you said you wouldn’t leave your husband for a cheap thrill but would you leave him for something more? Sometimes an affair isn’t just an affair.

Maybe your husband reading this post will turn into a good thing after he has calmed down from it (assuming he was bothered by it), it may help him to realise what he’s got to lose and, if it doesn’t, then you know where you stand and probably should be more open to seeking affection else where.

Whether or not you go for it with this woman, I don’t think you should settle for someone who cringes when you hug or kiss him for the rest of your life.

Wtf? Braiding and stroking each other’s hair? Isn’t this supposed to be a class?

@Adirondackwannabe you’re funny as hell.
@OpryLeigh I totally get what you’re saying, but my husband has my heart and always has. That won’t change. I made a promise and vow to him and I am too loyal to put myself in a position to walk away. That being said, after he read this thread, I flipped out. I said things that put fear in his heart and stopped speaking to him. We have since talked things out. He didn’t realize how serious my feelings were until he read this and since then, he has been trying like gangbusters. He is all over me. I have never seen him so attentive and affectionate. I hope it lasts cause I can get used to this real fast. The girl crush in question, left school because of family issues and has not returned, but I will always think of her fondly. She was sweet to me.
@keobooks yes it’s a class but we spend time together during our breaks and lunch, we hang out after school. We have all become really close. Even the director of the school said that she had never seen a class bond so closely, so fast in all her years being there. Even I can’t explain the care and concern we seem to have with each other. I guess it happens that way when you have just the right mix of people. Only 2 more weeks of class left!

He is all over me. I have never seen him so attentive and affectionate.
Good for you! I hope he takes you like Grant took Richmond, that he storms you like the jarheads did Iwo Jima.