What are the top 100 things to worry about in a public restroom?

Spending your time thinking about public restrooms.

Toilet sanitation
Rats
Cameras
Are my shoelaces tied?
Touching the door to leave

Is there un-flushed poop in the toilet?

Is there a dirty diaper stuffed behind the toilet?

Is there blood on the stall walls or toilet seat?

Is there enough toilet paper left for me to finish my business?

Is the only roll of toilet paper in the stall sitting out loose (instead of being on the roll) as well as being soaking wet?

Is there a functioning lock on the stall door?

Should I be concerned about the moaning coming from the woman in the next stall?

What the h*ll did that person eat for lunch?

Are there any paper towels to dry my hands, instead of one of those infernally loud, and useless air dryers?

Is there pee all over the floor of the stall?

(At beach restrooms) is there a door on the stall?

(At beach restrooms) is there a seat on the toilet?

Is there a hook on the back of the door to hang my purse?

Will my boss call me on my cell phone while I’m using the toilet?

Will there be poop on the baby changing table?

Will there be wet paper towels clogging up the sink drain?

Will there be overflowing trash on the floor?

Will there be a tiny trash can receptacle for me to put my used lady things?

Will the toilet overflow when I flush it?

Will there be a huge long line any time I ever go to the Sports Arena or to a concert at the Greek Theater?

Will anyone that I see exiting a toilet stall actually wash their hands afterwards?

If there are no paper towels, because they only have those infernal drying machines, will I have long enough sleeves on my blouse to use them to open the door of the restroom?

Why is the grout in the floor tile that dark brown color?

Why is there a penis image scratched onto the door inside the toilet stall?

GERMS/DIRT,
the possible need to fart, shit or puke,
lack of toilet paper
lack of soap and paper towels,
mirrors and lighting that magnify blubber or skin breakouts.

When I’m in a public restroom, as long as there’s toilet paper, that’s the main thing. If there’s decent soap and paper towels, I’m happier. I don’t ask for much. Of course if it’s a pretty restroom I’m very happy. My goal is to be in and out within about two minutes.

10. The absence of privacy
9. The absence of a stall (or one with a lock) when you need one bad
8. The absence of comfortable seating
7. The absence of t-paper
6. The absence of liquid soap
5. The absence of paper towels (I HATE hot air blowers!)
4. The absence of a decent lighting and a flattering mirror
3. The absence of sanitation
2. The absence of fresh, clean air
And the number one thing is…

1. The absence of reading material

Mine usually boils down to one. “What is that smell?”

Nothing. Well, except if they’re out of toilet paper.

As long as my dick doesn’t hit the water and they have toilet paper, I’m happy.

That no one else is using the disabled toilet, in which case I would be worrying about whether I could hold on long enough.

Ahhh @Adirondackwannabe! We have had far too many discussions about your dick lately and it is so weird because YOU’RE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!!!”

Oh god, that makes it incest. ewww.

I KNOW SO SHUT UP!!! And read this.

Seems like the women are just trying to take care of his staff. His and all the other bartender’s staffs.

Aside from germs and spy cams, I frequently worry that I’m going to make a huge poop that won’t flush. And then I’ll have to go tell someone that I clogged the toilet. Also, I swear I don’t make loud noises at home, but as soon as I sit down on a public toilet in a crowd, I sound like I sat on a whoopie cushion…

…so that was you the other day, @keobooks! I would not have guessed. Thanks for confessing. ;)

The giant unflushed poop that clogged all the toilets or the whoopie cushion sound effects? I’m pleading insanity.

You forgot the smell, girl! OMG! That smell! Ohhh that smell! Whatsa smell that smell!

Poo Pourrie , baby.

Is the spritz a sound barrier too?

When I first got to college, and lived in the dorms, there was one, giant communal bathroom with about 20 toilets in it. We had stalls and stuff. In the beginning I was worried about making those woopie cushion sounds….but soon realized ALL the girls made the same
sound, so I quit feeling self conscious. It was either that or quit drinkin’ beer…..naw.

The worst…. the auto flush toilets that go off prematurely and spray you with their nasty effluvia and scare the crap out of you simultaneously. lol
The absolute worst…to be trapped in a porta potty on a 100 degree day. I hate those things, you feel totally contaminated for the rest of the day after using one. haha

@Coloma Oh the horror! The horror! The Porta Potty Horror!

They aren’t as bad as they used to be. Anyone remember going into an outhouse that stunk so bad, and having that good awful taste in your mouth for an hour after word? I haven’t encountered one of those in a decade.