How would you learn, or gain better tolerance towards the general public?

Gosh, good question. So hard to answer. Just….make sure we aren’t falling into the same, rude traps? Consistently set a good example, treat others the way you’d like to be treated.

You need to be more in tune with the goodness. When you see an act of kindness pause and make the moment last longer. When you receive excellent service acknowledge it.

Also, you yourself need to go out of your way to be amiable and helpful and the pay it forward phenomenon will take over and warm your heart.

You are probably focusing on the negative and so that seems to be bigger and happen more often for you.

@JLeslie and if that doesn’t work can I then run them down with my big truck???

Lol.

Discipline yourself to ignore most of it as background noise.
Unless people’s stupidity is interfering with your pursuit of your goals, it is irrelevant.
And as stated above, remember the fundamental lesson taught by all of the Axial age thinkers, wherever and whenever they lived-Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Stop seizing on negativity and negative thoughts. Don’t get caught up in “the world is so awful and people are so horrible.” You seem to ask a lot of questions relating to terrible people. Life is too short to let that crap ruin your day.

Other than stupid drivers I actually enjoy venturing out and playing with people. I’[m all about playfulness and humor and am energized ( the extrovert thing you know ) by witty banter and playfulness.The other day I was in line at my bank, a very looong line and it took about 15 minutes to get a teller. I was chatting with several people and cracking jokes and then entertained everybody with a bank robber story I had recently watched.

It was about a guy in Washington state that actually got away with almost a half million dollars by posing as a gardener, who then hired, via craigslist, 15 look alike gardeners to throw off the police. haha
He told them to show up at the specific location dressed in a particular outfit, jeans, white tee and yellow safety vest and black ball cap. He had also planned his escape on a raft hidden in the bushes near the bank to make his get away. He robbed the bank successfully but his loot was much heavier than he had anticipated so he had to dump some and then floated off in his raft.

Long story short he was apprehended when a homeless guy saw him soaking wet carrying the bank bags a few hours later.
Anyway, I digress, but…my story telling got a lot of laughs and entertained everyone in line at the bank.
The public is giant playground of people and an audience for my naturally entertaining personality type and I play it well, it is a few in my personal life that drive me crazy with their unsolicited advice giving and dramas that make me want to scream in their faces.
I’ll take the public any day of the week over those you are in relationship with that drive you nuts wth their quirks and personality styles. lol

Tolerance and consideration are both two way streets. You be considerate of me and I’ll do the same for you.

The door to compassion for me was a realization I had years ago: impatience and intolerance is rooted in delusion. In order to be as impatient and intolerant as I was, I was imagining that I had information about everyone – information that I did not have. The good news is that this is the situation you are currently in. Let’s try an example….

You are driving along and someone cuts you off on the road and immediately starts slowing down. You may feel an instant adrenaline rush, and start making comments about how awful drivers are these days. You may wonder if the person is texting – and it may spark a host of other emotions you have about technology, distraction, and a general decline of human skills. This may happen for some time – and you may want to get a glimpse of this “piece of sh*t”. But when you do, it turns out to be a guy of about 75 years old. You may find your mind engaged in more stories about this guy – maybe about how we should be requiring older people to be tested every couple of years to renew their license, etc.

One thing you may notice is that this is all fantasy. You know nothing about this person and what they are currently going through. You intuiting intention and backstory and are convinced that it is accurate enough. This is delusion, and we all do it. We tell ourselves stories about other people. We do this because they are the extras in our lives. And for many of us, the stories we tell about everyone fits into our own self-interest and belief that people are either disinterested in other people or are intentionally trying to hurt others.

When I discovered this, I asked myself a question: If I could easily convince myself that others had ill intent or were just selfish assholes through elaborate stories, what would happen if I consciously tried a different story. So, the above scenario happens to me (I get cut off and the guy slows down) – here’s a story I might try…

The guy in front of me has recently lost his wife to cancer. He’s exhausted and an emotional wreck. He hasn’t left the house in days, but needed to in order to get some groceries. When he cut me off, he didn’t realize it. Nor did he realize that he was slowing down so much.

When I make up this story, something shifts for me, and it’s fairly drastic. My anger disappears and I am more patient. Most importantly, however, I realize that if this story is true – my heart aches for him. I am the extra in this scene, and I could have easily been an asshole.

You may be wondering why I would want to swap one fake story for another. I’m not suggesting it as a permanent practice. Rather, I find it useful during particularly challenging times. It can shake me out of the delusion and make me realize that I am just making up fake stories to make myself feel angry, impatient and incompassionate. My “generous” story about the guy losing his wife is just as likely as anything else I can cook up that involves me as the victim.

So what happens after the “generous” storytelling? Well, it’s then much easier to live life giving people the benefit of the doubt. Life is hard. We’re all suffering in many ways. And we’re all going experience tremendous loss and heartache – and eventually die. All of us. That woman who snapped at me in the grocery line and that neighbor who was rude to me yesterday. These are people who are the main characters in their own lives – lives that are difficult and are filled with “extras” like me. This is the truth. And when I see this, I can’t help but feel tremendous compassion and tolerance towards everyone.

If you’re open to it, try telling the generous stories for awhile. Really believe them though. Remember that they are just as possible as the story you concocted that involved them being selfish jerks. See if this practice makes any difference for you. If it does, you might find that you can drop the storytelling altogether and replace it with tolerance and compassion.

Yep, what @Adirondackwannabe said and I failed to say in my ramble. Lord I was born a ramblin’ woman….haha

I’m struggling with the same thing, @SQUEEKY2, and I have to say that I’ve tried many of the things suggested here.

Unfortunately, I tend to keep an eye on the problem people.
Like the guy that sped up when I changed lanes to pass, then slowed down when I pulled back in? I finally hit 85 to pass him, then watch in the rear-view as he nets a new victim.
I’m the King of making excuses for other people, and they usually burst the bubble, given the chance.

“Intolerance and inconsideration are both two way streets,” if I can be forgiven a heretical viewpoint.

Patterns of inconsiderate behavior set me off.

Is that wrong?

@ibstubro: “Is that wrong?”

For me it wasn’t a matter of right and wrong. My anger was hurting me – not the recipients of my anger. There’s something appealing about anger. It feels so powerful that it almost seems that its existence alone is enough to right a wrong. But I found that the only thing it was doing was making me suffer more.

Let’s say some guy was tailgating me and was driving really aggressively. At an appropriate time, I pull over and waive him by. As he drives by, he flips me off. I could tell myself a story about him being an awful person. But how would I feel, and how long would it last? There’s as much a chance that the guy is in a rush to get to the hospital to see a loved one who is in dying. Or he is just a shitwhore. But either way, spending precious moments of my life choosing to be angry, and nurturing stories to keep that anger burning, seems an awful way to exist.

However, there is something else related to the “wrong” question. What kind of world do I want to live in? How do I want people to treat me? Do I want them to be generous, tolerant, and give me the benefit of the doubt? Or do I want to live in a world where people interpret my imperfect actions as driven by self-interest and meaning harm? Obviously, I want to the former. Acting with compassion and tolerance rather than anger and intolerance is an act that I see as one that is contributing to shaping a world in which I want to live (and bring up my children).

@DoNotKnow
I see some Eckhart Tolle in your post.
I agree, while I have never been an angry person it is much healthier to just blow off obnoxious people, after all, they just went on their merry way and for us to fume and obsess on the injustices of others only hurts us the most in the end. Self awareness work is a really good thing, something to come back to again and again.

I had to do that yesterday when someone I know, who is well meaning but rather meddlesome and intrusive launched into one of their know it all “let me tell you” modes. Had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things they are but a petty annoyance like a mosquito then I am free to buzz off. lol

practice practice practice

@SQUEEKY2 You have a castle and a long time queen. Does anything else really matter?

Go out into your world and observe. It’s a fascinating place, even when assholes come and go like whack-a-moles. How many of them do think have it as good as you?

Take some of the warm fuzzies you get at home, and give them away to some of the assholes. They may never recognize, acknowledge, or appreciate your gift, but you’ll be able to take home more fuzzies than you left with.

@stanleybmanly practice until what? You get the cross hairs dialled in?

Talk to some of them who aren’t busy doing something else, about things of interest that are not canned media topics. There are humans inside. I was surprised at the degree to which pretty much everyone can be perceptive and human, when the usual machinery of social convention etc is set aside.

Thanks for the answers people, I do find it hard not to dwell on the negative when stupid people go out of their way, to do stupid things in my face.
Like unsafe passes just to be in front then proceed to drive slower than I was.
Like darting in front of me with a full cart just to get to the checkout first, when all I had was three items..
I do try and comment when I see a positive thing,but they are so few and far between these days.
It’s hard to keep smiling when stupid ,rude people keep spitting in your face .
And this is for @jca as for my questions about terrible people maybe ,just maybe if I can wake one person up with my questions and they say yeah I guess I do,do that and maybe I will try not to it might be worth it.

It’s hard. It’s…sad, too.

@SQUEEKY2 Practice pretending not to be annoyed. It requires discipline and patience at first, but if you think about it, it can’t possibly as tough as wrestling your rig up and down the roads? The other thing to keep in mind (at least for me) is the fact that when I was younger, for some reason, I wasn’t so quick to notice the defects in others. I’m therefore confronted with the question of whether people are growing more defective or am I transforming into my crotchety grandfather. Whatever the case, there are some handy tricks to at least an appearance of tolerance (and plenty of assured opportunities to try them out). The next time someone “acts a fool” in front of you, summon up the will to reflect “Now Squeeky, you know this obnoxious idiot didn’t CHOOSE to be a fool.”