Why do I keep thinking about divorced parents?

Perhaps some of the ideas in this article will help you.

How long has it been since they got divorced?

My former husband and I split up almost four years ago. It has been an ongoing process of adjustment for my adult kids and me.. Establishing a new normal and re-evaluating the past is difficult work. Don’t beat yourself up for the pain but see if you can establish good relationships with each parent individually. I personally hate that we are no longer the family we were but each of my sons and I are there for each other and I think their Dad is there for them too.

I don’t think your thoughts are stupid, don’t label them that way. When relationships change or end it’s normal that everyone affected goes through a type of mourning. One stage of the grieving process can be denial, or hoping things were different. If these waves of emotion and obsessive thought just last a few hours or days I would say it’s normal and will pass over time, becoming much less frequent. I’d they last weeks and months then you might want to seek some help to talk things through with someone.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s very difficult for anyone to see people you love not get along, and change is difficult for most people also.

You are grieving—just as if your parents had died. Grieving has to take its course. Don’t beat yourself up, as others have wisely said, and be patient. Things will get better.

Hey @kimchi. I know you won’t like to hear this but… you are normal. Every child of divorced parents has the same fantasy. It means your parents brought you up right. They gave you a happy childhood. They taught you to be a loving and caring person. They made you, you!
From what I can see they did a pretty darned good job of it!

Here’s another secret. Even adults silently grieve the loss. That is OK. It means they were happy for at least a little while.

It’s ok to cry occasionally. Just keep breathing.
You will get through this.. I promise things will get better over time.

We’ll be here for you.
(Hugs).

@kimchi Everybody wants that happy home life. Mom, Dad, kids and the dog. It doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes we have to deal with crap. My dad died when I was twelve. I was so angry for a long time. But it’s life. We play the cards we’re dealt.

You can’t make it stop. You can make it more bearable. Instead of suffering with your thoughts, or trying to shut them out (which is like trying to keep a wolf out of a tent by holding up a hand and telling it to stop.), just make it more constructive,
Search online for news stories and statistics on divorce. Keep records on things you find. Perhaps you will learn some surprising trends which catch your attention.
You might become a leading authority on divorce, and its effects on other persons, or, you might become so unbelievably bored you stop being bothered by your own thoughts. Either way, a win.

I’m 43 years old and divorce seems to be everywhere – even among my friends. It’s brought up a lot of strong emotions in me, and I suspect it’s because my parents divorced when I was 12. I can talk rationally and reasonably about the divorce of my parents, but none of that really describes my subjective experience. While I understand that my parents were quite different and would have been unlikely candidates for a long-term success story, the fact that my father had a year-long affair and left turned my life upside down. Not only did I lose my father’s presence in my life at a critical time – we also went from lower-middle class to poor because he left my mother to raise us (financially).

Anyway, divorce is no joke to kids. We can beat ourselves up about our rumination, or we can admit that there is pain there. It’s ok and completely normal to admit that we hurt. In my experience, when I can not beat myself up about my own emotions, they seem to take care of themselves. They may come and they may go, but they don’t stick around long and don’t have a hold on me.