Fluff time, what are the five top reasons a woman does not want him to come back home after the end of his long day, survey says?

My last marriage was to a really wound up control freak I used to just pray for traffic or flight delays when he traveled because when he got home, he’d immediately log onto the bank to see what Id spent. He smell my breath to see if I’d had anything to drink. He’d burst into the bathroom to see if I was up to anything. I would just dread him coming home.

Because the men are men are all wife beaters, and she needs more time to tend to her wounds.

He spends his time on Fluther asking weird sexual questions while claiming to be sexually pure and holier than anyone else. If I were a woman, I would not want such a man coming home ever.

She’s having an affair, and if her husband came home too early, it would screw things up.

When my ex and I split, about 3 days into it I realized I had such a sense of peace that I hadn’t had before. Then it hit me that when he was there I felt like a bullet ridden wall, because I was constantly having to intervene between him and the kids, who he always got very impatient and angry with. It was such a habit that I didn’t even realize I felt that way until it was gone.
The minute he walked through the door tensions went sky high. I liked it better when he wasn’t around.

Oh top 5:

5. He’s going to find something to get mad about when he gets home.

4. He’s going to just throw his dirty shit all over the bathroom and the bedroom and expect his maid, who he promised to cherish and love, to pick it up.

3. He is going to want to talk endlessly about the last couple of days, what he was doing, who said what, while showing not a whit of interest in the wife’s days.

2. He’s going to get pissed if you remind him that he promised to do XYZ a month and a half ago, and it still needs to be done.

1. His girlfriend doesn’t call the house when he’s not there.

5. He is extremely critical and never has anything positive to say.

4. He goes on long rants about things that made him mad that he heard in the news and actually yells at her, like it is her fault things like that happen.

3. He knows there is still hash left in his box so all he will want to do is skin-up, drink whiskey, turn up the stereo really loud so the neighbours complain and the kids can’t sleep, so she has to apologise to the neighbours and entertain the kids until he turns down the stereo and eventually falls asleep on the sofa, or goes out again to meet friends.

2. He will make a mess of the entire kitchen making himself a sandwich and coffee and she will have to clean it all up.

1. All he does is sit in front of his computer and bark orders at her.

( @Dutchess_III , my ex used to do 3. a lot. In the end I would just laugh. He would call, perhaps once a week, when he was out on a job and only talk about what he was doing and what was happening there. He wouldn’t even ask how the kids were. )

@cazzie, actually, my current husband does that. I’ve learned to tune him out and watch whatever show he’s trying to talk over. I insert an occasional, “Uh huh.” I mean he will literally talk for an HOUR and say almost nothing.
I’ll never forget when I got a new job and wanted to talk about it. I told one short story and he held up his hand and said, “This doesn’t interest me.”

These “stories” are kind of breaking my heart because I sense these are all things you women have actually had to go through. These aren’t made-up scenarios.

(all mine are true) This one time, he watched a you tube video about sausage making. He got soooo excited. He went out and got all the ingredients and then had a FIT when he couldn’t find the attachment for the mixer. We had both boys home and it was 6pm, but he insisted on running the 20 miles into town and looking to buy an attachment. It was about 8pm when he got home and the kitchen was such a disaster I took a picture of it to show his doctor. He had been put on Ritalin and I was trying to tell the doctor that I didn’t think it was helping, but only making him manic. It was a seriously manic episode and the kids were really scared. I think the kids ended up eating what he could salvage of the sausage meat and veggies, but at 9pm, everyone was shaking for one reason or another.

It so hard for outsiders to believe that such a relitvely small incident can turn into something so major. They’re always thinking, “She must have done something to bring it on that she isn’t telling us about.” It’s so hard to explain that the guy is just building and building the thing up, all by himself, in his own head until he explodes. You could be out of town and he’ll explode, 500 miles away, all by himself, and call you, screaming.

Considering that HC asked this question, I can’t help but wonder what assumptions he had about sex, or lack of, being the reason. Only one person answered along those lines and it was a guy.
To that I think I’ll respond, “Well, if the guy was keeping her happy in bed, she would have no reason to have an affair.” right?

5. She’s preparing a surprise party and doesn’t want him there til it’s ready.

4. She bought that (whatever) that they both wanted and she’s not done unwrapping it.

3. She’s invited over a long lost friend who hasn’t had time to arrive yet.

2. She’s waiting for a delivery to arrive and wants to have it ready before he gets home.

1. She knows that if he doesn’t come home he got the job he was interviewing for.

Admittedly, some of these are a stretch.. but I just wanted to show that this question could have a positive spin too. Not everything has to be bad.

I believe the question implies she never wants him to come home. It’s not inferring the occasional, one-time incident.

“Putting the cookies even lower, he can come home but she very much wished he did not take the option to come home, so what are your top five reasons?”

It works just fine .

Oh! I know one. Because she has had a long, hard day at work, too, but when he gets home a few minutes after her he’s going to bitch because the dishes aren’t washed and dinner isn’t on the table. And the clothes aren’t washed and put away, and why is the house so damn messy (fails to note that she picks up after herself, and all the clutter are messed he made that he was too lazy to put away, throw away, or clean up.)

I thought you were free of this guy now? Why still angry?

I’m not. That never happened to me. But I know of women who it does happen to. The q didn’t specify that it had to be real examples from your own life.

True. But it sure sounds like it’s coming from a place of real, undiluted anger. If it’s not based on a real scenario – where is it coming from?

You do not have to have suffered under the Nazis to hate them.

@ragingloli You’re absolutely right. I still find it ironic that the question of the motivations behind anger is being disputed by someone wearing your moniker. And to be fair: being further discussed by someone with mine.

You are reading more into it than is there @Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One . Or maybe you are just imagining the anger you would feel in a situation like that. Would you be angry?

For a question with such a negative connotation from jump street – I made a feeble attempt to turn it around.

I am reading into it too much – I can’t help it sometimes. When it seems like someone is boiling with deep seeded anger on a regular basis it kills me. I have this part of me that wants to help (even when it’s not wanted). I apologize.

No problem.

I still find the stories that women have posted (or shared other women’s stories) to be really sad. My first 5 were about my life with my Ex. The last post was something a friend of mine has to go through.

@Dutchess_III I’d wager that’s pretty common too. I read a book once (don’t remember the name) that kinda showed me that I was doing some of those things too. It really made me wake up a bit. What it boiled down to is that men want unconditional respect and women want unconditional love (in general of course). What it also mentioned is that you’ll tend to get that thing you want (love or respect) when you unconditionally do your half first.

Now I’ve forgotten why I even brought it up. haha

I disagree. First, there is no such animal as “unconditional” when it comes to love and respect. Both have to be earned and maintained.

It’s books like yours that give men tacit approval to be disrespectful. After all, according to your book, women don’t want respect, they only want “love.” Love, love, love. Flowers and shit.
Bullshit. I’d take respect over love any day.

When respect comes, love flourishes, on both sides.

Wait what? Tacit approval to be disrespectful? I did say in general and… oh boy.. I can’t even….forget it.

In general, the book you read was wrong. Men and women want respect equally. I don’t know about love. I can live without love, as long as he respects me. But that’s me.
Maybe there are women out there, mooning and crying for their Prince Charming to show up, but I kind of doubt it. Not for any woman over 30, anyway.
(Did you grow up in the 50’s and 60’s by chance?)

I’ll ask a question…

I tried to share the Q with you, but it wouldn’t let me. Don’t know why since I am following you. But here it is.

It just hit me @Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One. I know the book you read. It was by James Robeson. I read it in the mid 80’s. I remember that assertion. I thought it was ridiculous then, too. But, looking back, most of the stuff he, and other Christian men wrote, was from a strictly male POV. In other words, pretty clueless, really, about women.

@Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One Admittedly, some of these are a stretch.. but I just wanted to show that this question could have a positive spin too. Not everything has to be bad.
Well, I guess if you are some women on Fluther, it has to be negative because as much as they want a man (oh who am I fooling, some don’t) they are bitter about how their man treated them, or just pissed in general about how other men treated other women.

The only man I need in my life is my son, and I’m teaching him how to treat a woman by not putting up with any bullshit.

@cazzie and @Dutchess_III you girls will like this one. I am good at cutting men’s hair, so my corporate vp ex always wanted me to cut his hair. Sometimes he would grab my tits whilst I was cutting, and once, I was explaining to him how to style it. ( he had a block head and thus needed a side part) and he said, “just shut up and cut”. I did a pretty sloppy job.

SMH. ^^^^ THAT’S a piggy man for you.