If a mother is told to cut the cord from her adult disabled child then what? Should she abandon her adult son or still help out?

She could say “mind your business. ”

I suppose it depends on which she values more – her child or the current penis in her life.

An adult can be disabled and reliant on parental assistance for a vast variety of reasons. If it is recommended to a parent to “cut the cord” of support, it doesn’t seem like wise advice, but a red flag that she might be an enabler.

Parents don’t often outlive their children. The more the child is gently challenged to live an independent life or to rely on outside help, the better off the child will be in the long run. When the parent can be a sounding board and, if need be, an advocate when a situation is questionable, then it is a display of great parenting.

Told by whom?

If being told by a professional whose job it is to evaluate the situation, one may want to give it serious consideration.

If being told by busybody neighbors, they need to mind their own business.

It all depends upon context and pertinent facts.

Buzy body neighbors. Mom’s boyfriends . My ex stepfather.

@Buttonstc has already played my hand here.

If mom has sought and received the advice of a professional counselor, she should give that advice serious consideration.

If it’s just ‘advice’, and it’s coming from a male, I’d have to ask, “Oh, yeah? And how many babies have you given birth to?”
However, it’s not clear if you’re trying to help mom fend off the advice, or if you’re trying to counter the advice that mom is relaying to you?

It also depends on how short the cord is.

If the mother has a codependent relationship with the disabled yet adult child, it isn’t healthy for either of them.

If the mother is supportive of the adult child but letting the adult child live independently, then they can ignore the advice.

Sometimes the kid needs to learn to stand on their own. If they’re thrown out on their own, and they have to sink or swim. they might come through and realize they can do it.

It really depends on the specific situations. Pretty much I think parents never cut the cord with disabled children like they can with “normal” children. It’s a special circumstance. Parents I know who have disabled children set up all sorts of help for their kid, which usually means less money goes to their other children, not only while the parents are alive, but especially once they die. Most siblings completely understand.

I think it’s impossible for us to have an opinion without more detailed information.

I have to say that would be akin to asking a river to flow the other direction. While it can be done, it rarely comes to any good. If the unwelcome advice is coming from other than a professional, with experience specific to the child, they should talk to the hand.

Dude, I went from a town of 2500 people, and a graduating class of 50, to a University of 25000. You have to put your head down and take on the challenges.

@talljasperman: This question combined with your recent question in General, “What does it mean to be enabled?” makes me wonder if by chance your mother has a man friend who is telling her to cut the cord from you, and that she is enabling you. Just a thought, just a speculation.

@talljasperman‘s recent question about what it means to be enabled:

http://www.fluther.com/183146/what-does-it-mean-to-be-enabled/

Why is she being told to cut the cord? I could think of a few reasons someone should “let some line run out” on said cord.. but never cutting it completely.

Any mother that takes advice from her boyfriend over her child is not much of a mother.
Period.

I agree with you, @chyna. I do think that in this case, if the boyfriend is talking about @talljasperman, it’s an adult child. In that case, I think the mom should look into what is being said. Maybe all or some of the guy’s theory is valid. Maybe not.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
“Any mother that takes advice from her boyfriend over her child is not much of a mother.”
No, no and NO.

Children can be manipulative and boyfriends can become stepfathers.
Let’s be realistic here.
I like @talljasperman as much as the next jelly, but that’s not a free card.

Remember:
Mothers can be manipulative and their boyfriends can become stepfathers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa yourself.
So many women in my state have left their children with their boyfriends or new husbands that have either abused or even killed those children. And these women know that the boyfriends don’t like the kids but are so desperate for a boyfriend that they will let the boyfriend do anything he wants. It is in my newspaper every single day.
If you have a child, it should be your first and foremost responsibility.

@chyna, True, and it happens with alarming frequency all over the world. In this particular case, the discussion is about an adult with an unknown disability. The advice to the mother from her boyfriend is to “cut the cord”. This is vastly different than a mother leaving a child in the care of another. It’s only advice, albeit it lacking empathy in its delivery, if that what was really said.

None of us know what has occurred up to this point, including any background information on the boyfriend, how long he has been in this relationship, and what this disabled adult is capable or incapable of accomplishing on his own.

^^^ True. This boyfriend might be a well meaning man who knows much more about specifics than we do. He might just want the best for the woman he loves.
@talljasperman, seems to me a fairly intelligent man. If he isn’t in a care facility, the professionals in his life must feel he is a capable person. I am betting he is more self reliant than he believes.
Cutting the cord doesn’t mean to stop loving, or visiting. It just means to let some of her son’s problems be his alone; leaving her with more energy for the big problems, and her own life.
It may be good advice. I think you should ask your professionals, @talljasperman. Trust them.
I promise, no matter which way it goes, your mom will never ever love you less.