Have you ever felt like you may just not be very good at "life"?

Absolutely. I’m 43 and somewhere in my brain I’m convinced that I will be good at life once I grow up. From my perspective, it seems that everyone has it all figured out, and I feel like I’m struggling just to tread water – not just financially, but in every aspect of life.

I suspect, however, that my impression that everyone else has read the handbook and has it all figured out is incorrect. I think most of us feel that life is difficult. We’re just making it up as we go along.

Visible (not digital) checklists. I’ve been meaning to put one up myself but I just can’t seem to get around to it.

I am still alive. I would say I am pretty good at living.

It can certainly be annoying and even downright depressing when you’re confronted with the realization that most of life is about plain old maintenance. But take heart, because it’s exactly the dull tedium of doing the dishes, paying the bills, brushing your teeth etc. that provide the contrast to appreciate the great and wonderful things that befall us. The trick is to muster up the pep to attack the drudgery in order to provide the respite required to wallow in the goodies as they fleetingly pass.

My wife thinks that we’re terrible at “life”. She bases this assessment on the kinds of things you mention: all the stuff that slips through the cracks or gets mishandled. Every instance of something that doesn’t get done stands, for her, as a condemnation of our competence at living.

I don’t see it that way at all (which, predictably, drives her nuts). I think that living is inherently a process of bumbling one’s way along, and that “living well” amounts to bumbling well. Sure, you try to bring as much attention to the business of living as possible; if you don’t then things can go very badly. But even with that effort, shit goes wrong, stuff gets forgotten, things get messy. Bumbling well involves accepting this as human reality, being OK with it, working with it.

The problem is that our cultures sell the ideal of the bumble-free life. To take that as the actual standard by which success in living is measured is a ticket to unhappiness because it’s unrealistic. If you can’t make your peace with the messiness of life, you’ll have no chance at peace.

I know I suck at life. When I try to measure myself against my father at the same points in his life, I find myself severely wanting. Perhaps in a different time I would have done better, but I believe I am a man born out of time. The world as it is now is become too complex for me to keep up. I am glad to be retired. I feel my son will do much better than I did.

Lists and check offs or cross-outs help me when I have a lot going on. It feels great to cross things off and the “to dos” are out on paper not only messing up your head.

No method in my madness. Definitely not able to keep up. I guess I am a puzzle piece that simply fits nowhere in the great scheme of things.

Yes, daily. I’m good at my career but not much anything else…

As other people have mentioned, to-do lists are amazing. For it to work, it needs to be somewhere that you will use regularly. I carry a notebook and a pen in my purse, and use it for lists and all kinds of things. They also sell wall decals made of dry erase material. It might be nice to have a dry-erase to do list in a central place in your house.

One thing you may want to do is break down big things into smaller steps. Like if you’re taking a vacation, that includes steps like finding a hotel, figuring out transportation, packing, etc. Write down each of those individual items and then cross them off the list as you finish them.

I keep a papyrus paper monthly calendar on the refrigerator and write on it when I have appointments or when things are due. Sure, it is crude and not as sexy as a digital calendar but it sure is easy and I am reminded every time I open the door.
It helps a lot!

By the way, you started improving the situation the moment you noticed you were having difficulties. That is the first step. You’ll get it. Congratulations!

What about the timeless remedies of booze & narcotics? Sure they’re temporary, but then again, so is existence itself. I used to puzzle over why it is that so many brilliant people wind up drinking themselves to death or clamp their jaws around a shotgun. It’s never the dummies, but always the sensitive folks with the deep thoughts. It would appear that the secret to a rich and fulfilling life must lie in being blessed with an empty head and shallow ambitions.

Well if you can’t fuck up life what more is there to fuck up?

@Adirondackwannabe
defenceless animals

@stanleybmanly so true. Ignorance is bliss at times.

@ragingloli now now….. don’t get us Peta supporters in a huff.

@ragingloli Leave it to you to push the envelope.

My path is Advaita, but you can find similar pointing in twelve step work and other spiritual practices. Difficulties in life are invitations to turn inward and upward and that’s where you are likely to find greater peace and/or serenity. When you (or anyone) says “I do manage to stay alive somehow” that “somehow” can be found looking inward and upward.

Looking outward like you are now is normal, and some people have a better run of it than others, but apparent success with manipulating outward manifestations can eventually give way. If life is too difficult, pull the rip cord by retreating into the source of the one who is having difficulty.

My realization is that it’s all already happening. Things will go as they are meant to. So (today’s consternation notwithstanding) I don’t worry about the flow of events like I used to. I just worry about living in my peaceful center. My life has improved immeasurably as a result.

I’m great at life, but I am broke and floundering from the hit of this recession. I have always been very organized, on top of things, all my little ducks in a row, very good at managing my life, but….losing it all in this recession has taken the wind right outta my sails the last few years. My usual ‘can do” enthusiastic personalty is flat lined these days.

There’s always some shit I haven’t done yet that needs to get done, some bill I’m late paying or some chores that await. Even when I slap myself going, alright bitch, you gettin dis done, I get it done, but always more awaits. More problems, more shit to pay, more crap to organize. It never ends. I think that covers a hell of a lot of people though.

All the time. For pretty much my entire life. Not sure I’ll ever get the hang of it.

Yes. I don’t think I’ll ever be good at it and that might be a good thing.

I’ve been here for a while so I think I must be pretty good at it. I, like you, do sometimes find the long list of things I have to do overwhelming. I’ve found listing things down and prioritising helps. Set yourself a short list of tasks you must complete today. That way you’re (and it’s important that it’s you who is determining this) are controlling what must be done and what can wait. Don’t let other people determine what should be a priority in your life. Think about your goals and let your goals, and the things that are actually important to you, determine what you have to do, what can wait and what can be filed under ‘trash – not important).

Here is some time saving tips:
regarding :

1. Bills :Arrange all to be directly paid from the bank
( you schedule the dates that are convenient you are free to change paymt dates ).

2. Housework: Spent an entire day if necessary to thouroughly clean an area or all of your living spaces.
After that one just needs to spot clean to keep it up and that takes less time.
Teach household members to upkeep the cleanliness as they make their messes, if able too.
Purchase the right tools to make cleaning easier and label what each is for ex: windex for windows , plastic gargabe cans with bags that fit and are easy to take out( ties).
Keep cleaning tools and solutions in one place and labeled and safe from little ones.

3.School: Not sure if you are attending school or refers to yur kids school?
When I returned to College with three children after my divorce, I cleaned out a walk in closet , placed and old desk inside it and did my homework at night “after” the children were in bed and I had spent time with each of them separately and together in family affairs. I got them involved in housecleaning…like helping with dishes, vaccuuming,etc
I got them to make their beds before they came for breakfast by purchasing comforters which were easy for the younger ones to throw ontop of their beds in place.( I had an under sheet for the mattress but no top sheet in order that they could accoplish this easier. )
In the end the children were happy and the home was comfortable and clean and organized.
On weekends I took my children on picnics,hikes, biking nearby our neighborhood since I had no car or transport to go anywhere. Once a month I took them out for a special supper at a better Restaurant in order to show them how to behave in upscale environments.
( and also as a reward for assisting me in maintaining our home together as a team).

Thanks, all.

Your responses helped, and I got myself out of the hole I was in!