Does being married and divorced a few or many times make you a bad person?
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flo (
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September 8th, 2015
If so why, if not, why not?
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58 Answers
The Roman Catholic church thinks divorce is a sin. It depends on if you are going to screw up some kids life. Best not to have children if you believe in divorce.
I don’t believe you can judge the worth or character of an individual by simply counting up their marriage or divorce totals. There are far too many plausible reasons for terminating relationships that don’t work.
It is very hard for anyone to be a “bad person.” Failed relationships do not make someone a bad person.
Someone being married and divorced multiple times (for me, divorced three times is too much) tells me not that they are a bad person, but a person who really needs to look at what their expectation out of marriage is. And they need to look at why they are either choosing to marry people that are not a good fit for them (if they are the ones leaving), or, they need to look at why they are continually taking hostages by marrying them.
Anyone who has been divorced three times is a giant red flag that they should never marry again. Three divorces is a sign that marriage really doesn’t mean anything valuable to the person.
I don’t know…it would indicate they are either clueless or selfish, if that equates to bad, I don’t know.
In and of itself, no.
However, if one has been divorced and remarried multiple times and presumes to sit in judgement of others’ marriage situations, then that makes them a hypocrite at the very least.
Personally, I don’t regard a hypocrite as being a “good person”.
I’m a strictly horrible person. No question about it now.
No, but I also believe as @zenvelo said, that the person in question has some work to do if they have been divorced multiple times.
I draw the line at a 2nd marriage not a third. One divorce, okay, 2 is pushing it, 3, forget about it. I have an ex friend who is about to marry for the 3rd time and she has always been unable to live without a relationship, is extremely needy, and at age 58 I find this very unattractive.
She left a 5 year relationship a few years ago because the man had expressed, from the beginning, that he was not marriage minded after a one tome divorce.
She proceeded to harass him about marriage and wear him down, and then, when he finally gave her a ring she rejected him because she had had to force him. Gah!
She wasted no time in wrangling up another suitor and now she is getting her wish, a third marriage for her, a second for him next month. I find the whole situation extremely distasteful, her mission was to find another man to marry her and almost anyone would do.
I was married once and divorced now for almost 13 years and have zero desire to remarry, ever.
Is there a subtext to this question? I’m just wondering if it is related to anyone in the news.
No, because everyone has their own meanings about marriage and divorce.
Also no, because any relationship involves two people, and people change.
Also, good relationships change people, and people can’t reliably predict in what ways they will change as relationships and life heal and alter them.
@talljasperman Could you clarify what you mean when you say “Best not to have children if you believe in divorce.” What does “Believe in divorce,” even mean?
I agree with most of you. People get married for the wrong reasons like for money, for prestige and then find out what it was cracked up to be, or it could be the person kept improving as a person when the other refuses to change and is hostile about the improvement, etc etc.
Or when the other person does change, and not in a good way. :(
So… being a hypocrite is really not related to whether you’ve been married and divorced.
One can be pro gay marriage or against gay marriage regardless of one got divorced many times, never got divorced, or never married, or can’t imagine being married No relevance.
It depends on the grounds you stand on as to why you’re for against something. If she wasn’t standing on a Christian platform of “It’s a sin” as her excuse, she wouldn’t be a hypocrite. There is the relevance.
Being pro something or anti something doesn’t give anyone the right to hold an elected public office, take an oath to uphold the law, and then break it, repeatedly and with impunity. Expect there to be consequences. The law is secular. Your beliefs are religious. You have a right to your religion, as long as practicing it doesn’t break the law.
@Dutchess_III It makes no difference what she is saying. It is still irrelevant.
In order for anyone to think of the word hypocrite in this context, one has to associate being gay/seek gay marriage with being bad thing. So, why would the supporters of gay marriage think it’s a bad thing? It’s illogical.
Better to not believe in marriage than to not believe in divorce. lol
Hypocrite: a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs.
The KY clerk is a hypocrite. She says gay marriage is sin. Well, divorce is a sin too, according to the Bible, but, for her, that doesn’t count.
@Dutchess_III , it isn’t really that… all that divorce and stuff was before she was ‘born again’ apparently, so that gives this particular woman a ‘clean slate’ with her lord god and master. What I take umbrage in is that she is holding a PUBLIC, GOVERNMENT, ELECTED position for which she took an oath and she is defying that office and that oath and the federal law. Her god’s law is not higher than the law of the federal government, and if that is her belief, she obviously can’t fulfill the duties of her job.
@Dutchess_III Is she Catholic? I don’t know for sure. ’‘divorce is a sin’’ is a Catholic thing. But anyway, she is not saying it is a sin to get divorced. Gay marriage is what she says is a sin. If she were married to a woman, being involved with a woman, then it would be logical to call her a hypocrite.
Does the Bible say anything about divorce or marriage? If so where? Just curious.
She is supposedly standing on what the Bible supposedly says about homosexuality.
The Bible is much, MUCH clearer about divorce.
Luke 16:18English Standard Version
Divorce and Remarriage
18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
And about a million more
However, according to her beliefs, all that sinning was done before she accepted Jesus so it doesn’t count.
”[A] bad person”? No. Multiple marriages and divorces make you a person with a history of unfortunate choices, and someone who might want to get some counseling before the next time.
No, but justifying your misdeeds by citing a book that specifically and explicitly condemns multiple marriages/divorces does make you a bad person.
@jerv It says in 2 posts above that she did her divorces were before she became born again.
@Love_my_doggie It doesn’t necessarily need counseling. How about staying in the 1st marriage even though it is horrid beyond belief. That is the opposite side of it. Not many people are matched perfectly.
@Dutchess_III If you keep divorce as an option. Couples should be held to their oath to God when they took their vows. They basically lied to God. The priest shouldn’t have let them get married in the first place. People should think deeply before getting married.
Nobody should ever stay in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship if things cannot be worked out. Bad relationships are poison for everyone involved.
In Mexico you can get a three year marriage as a test for the real thing. Maybe we should have that before people have children.
@flo That actually makes it worse.
“When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” – John 8:7 (NIV)
I see it one of three ways;
1) She is a sinner and thus cannot cast stones.
2) She’s a hypocrite who selectively edits scripture to her liking.
3) She is a minor; while that absolves her of all sin committed prior to 2011, it also means that she is only four years old and thus ineligible for public office… or marriage, or driving, or living without a legal guardian. I would presume that it also opens her current husband up for prosecution for statutory rape.
Statutory rape wouldn’t apply to a 4 year old, but I get your drift. Well said jerv.
@Coloma Did I get a couple wires crossed and use the wrong word? If so, then what is the criminal charge when an adult man has sex with an underage female?
@jerv Sexual interference?
@jerv In the case of a 4 year old it would be child molestation and they would become a registered sex offender/pedophile. Not like a 25 yr. old having sex with as 16 0r 17 yr. old girl.
25 year old male with a 16 year old girl would be statutory rape.
^^ 25 year old male with a 16 year old girl would be statutory rape.
Not every point on this planet it isn’t.
Statutory rape puts you on the seX offenders list too doesn’t it?
@cazzie, absolutely. There are many cases where a 16/17 year old ends up on the list for having sex with a 14 or 15 year old because under the law, it is considered statutory rape.
@Inara27 I’m pretty sure most states there needs to be a minimum 3 year age difference if the person is 14 or 15. Some states it’s 4. So, if a 14 and 16 year old are having sex, no one is being convicted, unless laws have changed, or maybe all this time I misunderstood, which is possible. I don’t keep up with it.
@talljasperman You siad, Couples should be held to their oath to God when they took their vows. They basically lied to God. The priest shouldn’t have let them get married in the first place. People should think deeply before getting married.” I love how certain people who have never experienced something can be.
Yes, @Dutchess_III look at all the judges being all judgey and getting their judgement out.
and newsflash… being a child of divorced parents doesn’t kill you or instantly turn you into a criminal.
Actually, many studies show children of divorce pretty much do just as well as children with married parents in the long run. Some studies find minor differences in parts of the populations being studied. Most researchers feel the differences are too small and too rare to deem significant. More extreme differences are found among children of single parents who were never married and often that is thrown around and assumed to include divorced parents, but single parent is not synonymous with divorced parent in regards to those studies, it needs to be clarified when looking at statistics. This is not to say many children of single parents don’t also wind up just fine, but that’s really getting off topic.
@jerv Your response (that she is 4 yr. old) might as well have been “I’m stuck I got nothing, you’re right @flo ” You needed to use the fact that there is no quote marks (“born again”) to “win” a debate?
If you used to smoke and you wish you never touched the stuff, you could refuse to sell smoke to any underage person, even if the law said you can. There is no hypocrisy there.
_“Gay marriage is what she says is a sin. If she were married to a woman, being involved with a woman, then….“_in one of my last posts.
The point @flo, is that she is not doing the job she was elected to do. If she doesn’t want to do her job because it conflicts with her current beliefs, let her resign and fight the law.
@flo Wow! I’m not sure what part of my explanation about how her “born again” status makes it worse or questioning her piousness that you took as a personal attack, nor can I figure out how merely stating my observations was seen as a debate. What brought that on?
@flo read the following. A government employee can’t be compared to retail sales:
“Government employees on the clock are not protected by the First Amendment, they are bound by it. The entire purpose of the First Amendment is to protect citizens from the government. When she’s acting as an agent of the government, the Constitution protects us from her. She is not a private citizen when officially performing her duties; She is not Kim Davis, she is the Rowan County Clerk. She has no Freedom of Speech/Religion when speaking with the voice of the government or acting on its behalf because in that act she is the entity that Freedom of Speech/Religion protects us from.”
Not necessarily because there are a lot of good, fair reasons why a person is forced to separate from his or her spouse. But, in my opinion it somehow insinuates that the person does not have good judgement…
Well, if it keeps happening over and over, it would only be logical to question a person’s judgement.
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