Understanding society's thoughts process?

I am not sure that this can be summarized as “society’s thought process” as much as it is how many people think and process first impressions.

You ask a few different questions.

This one …now I know someone who present themselves clean and collected is more likely to be trusted than someone who’s all over the place and dress dirty is easy, because a person who is careful to keep themselves appropriately clean and presentable and calm has enough presence of mind to make a thoughtful decision or to act rationally.

The same thing happens for people who care for themselves in a healthy manner. It is not merely appearance, but an evaluation of how the person cares for themselves and thereby how they care for others.

I work in San Francisco where there are many homeless people. Carl, the homeless vet who panhandles near the train, is always as clean and neat as possible, and friendly. William, who is often willing to open a door to the local coffee place, is alternatively presentable and polite, or covered in filth and nasty. While William gets my prayers and sympathy, he is not someone I would rely upon as I would with Carl.

I don’t necessarily want to know the attractive one before knowing the ordinary looking one. I think it’s generalizing to say people do so. Not all people do so.

At this very moment there is a young, mousy engineer science geek wondering the same thing.
Find that guy!

I know it sounds crazy but time is a great equalizer. The dumb jock gets fat, has herpes, and a bad liver from all the partying, while the mousy guy stays healthy and becomes becomes wealthy by developing a product the world needs.

I repeat. Find that guy. He’s right there in the corner and you’ve been ignoring him for years.

@LuckyGuy Yes, time does have its own agenda. The nerdy guy, who achieves success and respect, will get the attractive girl with substance and integrity; a life partner who’ll treat him well and make him proud. In the meantime, the dumb jock’s getting divorced, because his former-prom-queen wife got fed up.

As @luckyguy says, the good looking jock that gets the girls in high school usually gets fat. Not only that but someone that gets all the girls (or boys) only because of their looks usually has no respect for women and ends up cheating or being mean to their significant other.
Finding a kind, thoughtful person will serve you better throughout your life.

I also wonder how you think. Are you only wanting to date the best looking guys? If so, aren’t you acting like the guys that have hurt you by not giving less attractive people a chance? As you get older, your tastes will change and you will look back and wonder why you were so obsessed with looks.

@zenvelo Yes you are right i shouldn’t generalize I know. When it comes to writing down and asking a question I have so many things to write and ask that it comes out like this, all mix up generalized and sometimes maybe even a little hard to understand! (working on it!) Thank you for taking the time to answer this question! I shouldn’t generalized but i feel like this generation (I’m 22 years old) are starting to become so shallow because of what is being promoted by the media and all. What will little girls do in 20 years from now… Hope they will do better than me!

@jca you are right! see above what i answered to Zenvelo :)

@LuckyGuy Cute & @Love_my_doggie :) haha his hiding spot is well done I’ve been looking for him :p
the so called cool people in high school are bums/losers today, role reverses !
I trust time but time is careless and not dependent of anything ! so no deadline, I must stay good, positive and patient until it delivers !

@chyna No thats the worse, I dont focus on appearances. It really was his personality that really got me and his looks were not my preferences at the time. I dont even have any preferences really but just to tell you this guys was about an inch and a half maybe a little less shorter than me !

But I don’t think I should do that (taking shorter guy) anymore because I know he didn’t see a relationship with me because of my looks, i was too tall for him and standing right next to my cousin who is no competition!

@Inconito101 I don’t think you should fixate on looks so much. If all I cared about was looks I’d spend all day talking to flowers. They are nice, but they don’t do much to engage my brain, or make me laugh. It takes a lot more than an exterior to engage my heart and soul. Just be yourself and don’t try to be someone else.

You have to be careful with generalizing around here, because people get all bent when you do,they will be the first to say not me,not me,but most times it is them, and Most people are shallow,but they can’t help it,just try not to follow the same path,and you will do just fine.

It sounds like you would benefit greatly from succeedsocially.com and maybe “Paging Dr. Nerdlove,” although the second one is more directed at guys. Both are full of thoughtful, self-reflective advice about coming out of your shell if you are nerdy, introverted, or just having trouble meeting people.

The advice on both of these essentially boils down to 1) be your best self, and 2) broaden your activities so you will meet new people. Being your best self doesn’t mean you have to be some millionaire toastmaster supermodel. It means, basically, cultivating yourself- exposing your mind to new reading material, hobbies, and interests, practicing some conversation skills, and sprucing up your personal style a bit.

As for broadening your activities, it may be easier if you find a recurring thing that you can go to regularly. I joined a small weekly writing group on meetup.com. Seeing the same people every week, and only meeting a few people at a time, definitely cuts down the intimidation. You could take a weekly class, join a reading group, or basically anything. Meeting new platonic friends will also give you more confidence to find a relationship.

Also, @luckyguy is right about the geeky engineer guys. They are amazing!

@Adirondackwannabe trying to detach 3D, I cant wait for the day that I finally accept myself or see beauty in me, I think I’ll feel free and take off so much weight off my shoulded but it hard when you have been constantly bullied about it. Still working on letting go of the past.

thank you friend, yes I will be more careful.
Good day :)
@SQUEEKY2

good morning @Haleth thank you for all these great suggestions, I will definitely check them out :)

Good day!