How do I establish myself and settle down?

As many have said before:

Start eating healthy, stop with sodas and processed foods.
Start exercising, stop spending all your time lying down and watching videos and surfing the net.
Get a job, any job, but start working.
Get out in nature in your spare time.
Get involved in some kind of volunteer service work to get your mind off your self an get involved with your community.

Do all that and you will find meaning in your life and find friendships in unexpected places. And that will establish you. You are already “settled down’; if you settle anymore you might start growing roots and never move.

I feel uncomfortable following your advice. Sorry I don’t feel safe walking outside for no reason. My life joy comes from eating comfort food , Fluthering and lying prone.

@talljasperman That is your choice, and no one here is going to condemn you for that, you contribute much here. Yet you ask similar questions about once a month, and the community tends to respond along the line I did above.

Change takes effort, it does not magically appear.

Hey I just thought of a job for you, A flag person for highway construction sites.

Sounds to me like you have established the life you want and are so settled down you might be considered furniture.

If what you are asking is how do I change and become more of what I believe is a more traditional citizen, well, then you heed @zenvelo ‘s advice.

“I feel uncomfortable following your advice. Sorry I don’t feel safe walking outside for no reason. My life joy comes from eating comfort food , Fluthering and lying prone.”

The Venn diagram of what you want and what you want never intersect.

Accept that this is how things are and are unlikely to change. Just give the fuck up and accept that you will die in sixty years living the same day you had today. It is all on you now. If you want something else out of life you need to go and do it. We have done this dance for years and it always ends with you being in the same place. I have no clue what you expect any of us to say that would help. You have gotten years of advice and done fuck-all with it. It is tiring.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
– Ancient Chinese Proverb
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
– Albert Einstein
If you want to change your life, you need to do something different.

@talljasperman: IF you have anxiety when you leave the house, or at the thought of leaving the house, maybe your medication needs to be tweaked? Maybe it’s something to bring up to your therapist. Do you tell him or her that you have anxiety at the thought of leaving the house, walking outside?

As far as what you eat, many people enjoy eating all sorts of food that may not be that healthy. The thing is, it’s a tradeoff. Try to limit the “bad” food so that it’s an occasional treat, not a 3 meal per day feast. Try to eat better for the majority of your meals. Not that every meal has to be boring, but you can research healthy food ideas that also taste good.

What you don’t want to happen is you start getting health problems related to your lifestyle: high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, joint replacement, circulatory issues. Then you’ll be spending lots of time at the doctor (more than you do now) and life won’t be as physically comfortable if you feel tired or whatever from the health problems combined with the effects of the medication.

Other people who have responded above also mention the fact that you often ask similar questions to this, about your eating habits and lifestyle, and yet you seem to go back to “this is what’s comforting to me.” Sometimes, to make changes, even if they start with teeny tiny baby steps, it means doing something that may feel odd at first. Try buying and eating some salad. Make it a good salad. You will find that you are just as full after eating salad as you are eating fried chicken. The end result is the same: Full.

What you’re looking for is change. So, you’ll need to practice change. Pick one thing today that makes you uncomfortable. Now do that thing. Whether it’s not checking fluther for the remainder of the day, or going for a short walk, try something right now.

You may find that you will become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. And with shaking things up, by doing the opposite of what you want to do, you may find new opportunities and interests. It’s possible that some time from now, you could return here to fluther and state, “My life joy comes from eating healthy, learning, and exercising.”

Apparently you already have…

My life joy comes from eating comfort food , Fluthering and lying prone.

Since I’ve said all of the above to you for years and nothing has changed, I’ve stopped participating in this exercise.

And if you case workers can’t help you change, what can we do or say?

Pablo Neruda’s Thoughts on this:

You start dying slowly
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.

You start dying slowly
When you kill your self-esteem;
When you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly
If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colours
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.

You start dying slowly
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast.

You start dying slowly
If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,
If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
If you do not go after a dream,
If you do not allow yourself,
At least once in your lifetime,
To run away from sensible advice…

There is a pattern which underlies the Universe and our own lives. Some people call this the Tao, some call it dharma, some call it the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit. Whatever it is, when we are very still within ourselves, we can see a golden path before us in which we manifest our truest nature to the strongest possible degree. While on this path, life becomes effortless.

But sometimes effortless life is not what we want. In this wonderful Universe we are free to do as we please. We can walk the path of the Tao, but we are also free to leave it; as the Tao Te Ching puts it, everyone serves the Tao but some serve the Tao by not serving the Tao. And when we leave the golden path, our lives become difficult. Since there’s no such thing as a problem without a gift for us in its hands, it can be valuable to seek out problems and gain their gifts. And an interesting phenomenon often occurs in my experience; when you stop worrying about the Tao and head fearlessly into the dark and terrifying existential woods, after struggling with terrible challenges and learning what they have to offer, often enough you will look down and discover the Tao under your feet.

The important parts of your question “How do I establish myself?” are the ”I” and ”myself.” How do you choose to define these things? When you can answer that question, you won’t need to ask your original question because you’ll already know what options you have. It’s very simple: ask yourself what person you want to be, then make the decision that person would. And then you’ll be that person.

@all thanks I do take your advice but I keep going back to my comfort zone. I am seeing a therapist and employment services. KFC is so good.

If you really want to change, and I don’t know that you do, you have to be honest with yourself and your therapist. Once you are honest, you can make a list of the things that you want to change about your current situation, then with the help of your therapist, and by taking all some of our advice, things will start to change. It’s not magic, it takes effort on your part, life-long effort.

If you are dishonest with yourself (about truly wanting to change) and dishonest with your therapist, nothing is going to change. Change within your life takes effort. Your effort.

Change is hard at first, it is un-comfortable at first, but unless you do a lot some things differently (for the better) nothing is ever going to change or get better.

It would be much easier for me (and the rest of the Jellies) to lay around and eat junk food and not get up and go to work, and not socialize, and not get out into the world, and not attempt to be useful to others, but our lives and our bodies would atrophy. That is not how I would want to live. You have to decide if that is how you want to live.

I’m not asking you what would be the easiest and most comfortable thing to do. I’m asking you how you want to live. Now you have to ask yourself that.

@talljasperman, if you’re truly content and happy with your life, why do you come here and ask for advise about changing it?

@Love_my_doggie I just learned the phrase establishing my self and threw the dice and see what happens. Also I am keeping a record of my life for when I go crazy and die.

@talljasperman not all people who go crazy die. That is a separate step.

Take an online course. You have expressed interest in learning about math and programming. There are plenty of good courses in these areas that are free. Lots of these courses have online forums in case you get stuck, and of course you can always get help here. You need not break your pattern. You can eat your comfort food and lie prone, but at least you will be challenging yourself. You may even learn something that will help you get a job.

@jca said: What you don’t want to happen is you start getting health problems related to your lifestyle: high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, joint replacement, circulatory issues. Then you’ll be spending lots of time at the doctor (more than you do now) and life won’t be as physically comfortable if you feel tired or whatever from the health problems combined with the effects of the medication.

This is such an incredibly important point. One of my relatives is obese and has many of these issues. She started by turning to food for comfort and not having any desire to go out. Now she can’t. If she wants to leave the house, someone has to help her into the car and drive her there.

If you keep down this path, there will come a point where you won’t be able to change your life by yourself.

@talljasperman Sorry I don’t feel safe walking outside for no reason

Parks, neighborhood streets, and hiking trails are safe during the daytime. I’m a 5’2 single woman and go for walks by myself all the time. If you go outside, maybe there is a small chance that something bad will happen. But if you stay inside, you will destroy your health, and miss opportunities for money and happiness.

Start with baby steps- just go for a walk.

Also the fact that you keep asking us means that you do want to get out there! If you weren’t in conflict over your current lifestyle, you wouldn’t have so many doubts over it. There’s a part of you that is really not content with your current life, and imagines something better.

So go for it.

I walked and picked up my pills and I went for free counseling and bought some food take out (Sushi )and a BIG PILLOW. I feel happy. I get paid tomorrow.

Hey, just a thought but why don’t you try getting married? That might help you get your shit together.

Update I found a delivery service that goes to Costco. For just $10 fee. I ordered four BBQ chickens for $36 $9 each. And they taste better than KFC. I gave a $5 tip and the total cost is $50. Which works out to $12.50 per chicken. I already ate half of one and the other three are in the freezer. Take that activity. $6.25 per meal and I feel full. I will make a habit of this. Took only 45 minutes to deliver.

Update I buy frozen burgers and discount bacon. And I get free Ensure twice a day. I cook food in a electric frying pan.