Do you agree with the way your parents raised you?

I could use less teasing from my father.

What you saying, that I turned out bad? :) I had a great early childhood. As a teenager my Mother gave me way too much freedom, and I made full use of it. I was lucky, I got away with it.

My father had OCD and was subject to out-of-control fits of rage, which I would not have agreed to if I had been asked.

They otherwise gave me a pretty good foundation for life in terms of morals, values, and the ability to think.

Bwahaha. Abusive father and a neglectful mother do not make good parents. There were too many problems to think that there would be an easy fix. They should never have had kids.

My Dad was terrific, my mother was not. Later I found out that she very likely has a Cluster B personality disorder. What I would have have changed was cutting off contact with her a decade sooner than I did. I wish I had done that right after my father’s passing instead of waiting.
I was fortunate in many ways, but I would have traded a lot of the comfort for a mother who cared.

I turned out ok and so did my sibs so I think so. I would have liked to be closer to my father, more like the relationship he developed with his grandchildren, but he did what he considered best for his family at the time. Mom was a tad overprotective but that is better than the alternative in my opinion.
We left our extended family when I was 10, emigrating to the US. I was very close to my Grandma at the time and sorely missed her for several years. Mom had seven brothers and sisters, all of whom were married with children. It would have been nice to have interaction with relatives growing up. I would say that this separation from family was/is the hardest thing. I sometimes wish I had more family members I had known my whole life; people who you could count on to be there for you no matter what. Even now I feel a hole in my being.

@canidmajor thanks for sharing that. You did well on keeping contact that long. Thanks too for admitting that love and care are worth more than material comfort.

In answer to your question, a resounding YES!

Then: no. Now: Yes.

Often times in public I’ll see parents acting what I consider very disrespectful towards their children. I’ve never raised children, but I’ve always wondered if this kind of attitude is necessary. For instance, I was at the register some time ago and a mom was telling me what she wanted. When she was done, there was a brief lull while I entered the stuff into the register and what not, and her daughter said something. The mom immediately told her to shut up, those literal words. Then, when the daughter said something else, she said “do you want me to get you your treat or not?! Keep talking and you’re not gonna get anything!” I thought to myself, wow, if I talked to the mom like that how would the mom respond to me? This is whether I’m taking her order or not. I find it odd how the child is expected to respect her mother while her mother just blatantly acts what I deem disrespectful in return.
In a more serious example, there are acts such as hitting and yelling at children. Again, I’ve never been a dad, but when I was the kid, I know these things only shut me up for the moment, but certainly no for the long run. They would make me even more angry. So I have experience from that side, and from this I hypothesize that hitting and yelling and telling your child to shut up is just an easy way out. Not only that, but it can help the parent deal with the frustrations they may have at any given moment. That’s how I see it but maybe someone can give me another insight.

Well, @dxs, on the face of it, of course you’re right, but unless you see the same people repeatedly treating their children in a disrespectful fashion, please don’t assume that all such incidents are are indicators of bad parenting.
Parents get tired, and frustrated, and children are smart and learn to push our buttons and also have tired and frustrating days. As in any intimate relationships, getting on each others’ nerves is a given.

My mother was one to behave in a loving perfect fashion in public…only in public.

After raising 2 boys of my own and knowing first hand what a busy and hard job that was….I asked my mom how the hell did you raise 5 kids?? She said I didn’t…you guys raised yourself. She fed us, did the laundry but we all had our daily chores you had to do before you played or went outside. She nursed us back to health when we were sick but I look back and I remember my mom was there physically but she did just leave us to play and fight or go outside on our own. Even at 10 yrs old, we took buses by ourselves to go to piano lessons or the Cubs game. You knew you had to be home by dinner time or be grounded. She had her rules and enforced them. I was raised to fear God and the belt, the hairbush and her swift as lightning hand.

All of us turned out relatively sane and successful. 2 of my sisters are married and never had kids. And the 3 of us who do have kids have great kids to show for it. For what it’s worth, my mom said I did/am doing a much better job at being a parent than they ever were.

High praise coming from her but sad at the same time. I loved my childhood and cannot think of anything I wish were different especially my parents and how they raised me.

Yes and I know how lucky I was to have good parents. I basically won the lottery with them. They allowed me the freedom to play outside all day and did not helicopter over me. They gave me responsibilites at home that I was accountable for. I had to earn any money by doing chores and they took a direct and active interest in my schooling. They did not try to be my friends but were parents, meaning that when I deserved punishment I got it (yes spanking and yes it was the right thing to do) and when I did well I got an appropriate amount of praise but not too much. They did not push their insecurities on me (like “sports parents”) but let me do the activities I was interested in. They did not spoil me but I had what I needed plus a few small luxury items. They did not push any politics on me either and did their best to undo the political programming from school. FYI mom was a liberal and dad was a conservative. I was raised in the boonies of western north carolina and I had one hell of a good childhood running around outside in some of the most beautiful landscapes this country has to offer. Pretty hard to complain.

Yes. My parents were very good to us. My father was an excellent dreamer/planner/executive who was determined to make all his dreams come true—the foremost of which was to have a large, happy, middle class family—the precise opposite of where both my parents came from.

My mother was the boots on the ground, a woman with enough love, energy and faith in humanity to raise seven kids well. It was like living in a Frank Capra film. She did it all with an incredibly gentle hand.

Education was heavily stressed as they both knew that this was key to climbing out of the poverty, ignorance and bigotry my father and mother were raised in. He was a funny guy. His favorite movie in those years was Cheaper by the dozen, the 1950 version, and I realize now that it was the subliminal template they used to raise us. We were all sent to good schools at the expense of many other luxuries he could have otherwise afforded such as better cars for himself and my mother and a bigger house for all of us. We always felt safe and loved.

They had problems—big problems—but none of us knew about them until we were in our twenties and thirties. I thank them for that as it allowed us to live the magical life of childhood as long as possible and we grew up to be better people for it. After they divorced, they never said an unkind word about each other.

I was a child of the 60’s.
All kids in my neighborhood pretty much grew up the same way, staying outside all day long and playing. Were our parents neglectful? Maybe. But it seems that my generation grew up more independent than the generations after us. I know my parents loved me, but they were also a little distant. No hugging and kissing us. My cards were all signed “Your mother and father”.
Never “Love mom”.
I wouldn’t change a thing.

When my dad gets mad at me when I’m feeling really sad, he tends to insult me and it really affects my self-esteem. He has called me immature, disgustingly unfriendly, and that I ruin everything. He acts like me getting admitted to the hospital is something that needs to be punished, he yells at me saying stuff like “The hospital cost me a lot of money!”. He acts like I’m a burden and he can just be really mean, and I always feel like he’s judging me for everything I do. And also because I’m the middle child, he kinda acts like he likes my older sister and my younger brother better. I feel like me being the one who’s mentally ill also plays into him favoring my siblings more and treating me like absolute crap sometimes. So if I ever have kids, I just want to be able to be careful about what I say to them when I’m frustrated.

Sure grew up fairly honest hard working and able to make my own choices,always had food, clothes, a warm place to sleep, sure it had it’s ups and downs, but they did a fairly good job.
I just know I NEVER want any kids of my own.

@SQUEEKY2 Out of curiosity…if you feel your parents did a fairly good job raising you, were hard working and you grew up honestly….how did that influence you to know you NEVER want kids of your own? Would you not want to give that to a child of your own?

Iguess right from the start I could see raising kids was a lot of hard work,with tons of sacrifices and I wanted none of that,I am just greatful I might a great lady that felt the same way.

@SQUEEKY2 I almost envy you….but glad I took a chance on having kids.

I dont’ agree.
They were kind, at least they think they were, but at least in a wrong way and they didn’t realize it at all. They were strict.
Actually they almost destroyed me. Very close to.
I can’t go back so I guess to myself, the more important thing is to accept that I don’t have the best parents in the world and that’s not my fault; and find a way to live with it, with my parents.
I didn’t spend a lot of time with my relatives but my friends are great.

I was 40 when I got pregnant, 41 when I gave birth. I was at an age and stage where I would have been fine without a child. I have a good job, like to travel, have friends and yet am very content being solo, too. However, as was described to me by my mom when I was pregnant “having a child adds another dimension to your life.” Having a child definitely adds another dimension. That’s a great description. Having a child is work and sacrifice but I am very happy to have one. I think you don’t realize the pleasure of having one, and the real love you have for your child, unless you have one or have adopted one. For people that are perfectly content without one, I would have been perfectly content, too, but I wouldn’t give this up for the world, and I bet the majority of parents would agree.

My parents are overally good. They know what’s good and bad amd how to keep me in line. They keep a close eye on my growing up. But I wish they were more open-minded and tolerant. I’m growing up, but they still treat me as if I was younger than I am. They don’t give me the respect for an adult. They need to get their mind updated instead of sticking to their rules and claiming they are perfect. There are errors in their rules too.

And they need to listen instead of thinking there’s nothing wrong with them. I can’t really point out their mistakes, especially to my father, because whenever I do so they just rub it off and say I’m too stupid to question them. Maybe I’m stupid, but I’m an adult and I can’t just comply to everything like a child anymore.

@jca Of course most would agree,if they didn’t the world would think of them as monsters.
I have a close friend that has two adult children and to this very day wishes he never had kids, he was a good dad always met their needs, but never wanted kids.
My own father who I get along with very well, has always said if he could go back and do it over he would have skipped the kid part.
They can be the biggest blessing of your life or the worst curse,I never wanted any of that either way, we are now in our fifties and guess what, the house is paid for, the vehicles are paid for there is no credit card debt, we just might be able to retire before we die if we had ,had kids we wouldn’t be in this situation.
For those with children good for you,take your responsibility seriously your a parent until you die it’s a job you can’t quit,sorta like the mafia.
I like the life we chose, for those that chose the kid rout good for you, but don’t envy those who chose not to, it was your coice to have them as it was ours not to.

Hahaha! The very short answer is “hell no”. They screwed up very, very badly, in many ways. I can’t say I’d go back and change anything, however, because there are certain people I’ve met in life, and related with, who I wouldn’t have had my childhood been good.

I’m not doing things exactly the same way they did, but I don’t have any major complaints. They were definitely kind to me, and they did a good job keeping their problems with each other between themselves until I was older. They weren’t very strict, but I was a very well-behaved child. The things I would change are mostly based on information that wasn’t available at the time.

@dxs For you.

LOL… When I was 15 I tossed all my clothes in a garbage bag and started walking until I found a payphone and made a collect call to my sister. She paid for a bus ticket for me get to Oregon from Fontana, CA. I just had to walk to the Greyhound station which was a very long walk. Mother was more concerned with white drugs and her boyfriend at the time. I hadn’t been in school for years.

Around 13 my mom became tired of the parenting thing and wanted to get fucked up and do drugs. And this was after I had lived with my aunt and grandma from 10 to 13 while my mom was in prison for offing my dad. When she got out she seemed more concerned with getting her party on than parenting. With the exception of my sister from 15 to 18 everyone on every level fucked up tremendously raising me.

My birthday was on the 26th of last month and it was pretty funny. I went out for grilled and beers with my sister at Dot’s. We discussed how I was significantly different from her three kids. With me she never had to deal with homework or getting to school. I sorted it all out myself. Her kids are a bit more needy.

But overall I was pretty pissed about how fucked my life was while other kids had nice families and (at least from the outside) never had to worry about anything.

“A fucked up childhood, is why the way I am” Mc Eiht

My childhood was horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on many..

But I learned empathy. I generally give if asked for help. If a beer provides you comfort I will help out. I don’t care, I understand.

Just tonight I bought heart disease and there was a dude outside the Plaid that looked broke and hungry so we shared some slices and he shared how he became homeless. A simple case of getting lad off and getting evicted and once you are evicted it is really hard to find a new job.

I could have done without the wooden spoon over my butt cheeks. It did no good and just created resentment of my mother until she stopped doing it and tried to make an effort to talk to me. I also could have done without the second hand smoke and the reek of cigarette smoke in the house and all over my clothes and books. Other than that… not too many complaints. My siblings, on the other hand…..

My parents did the best they could and I think they did a good job. In many ways, I wish I could have done as well with my own children. My circumstances were different and I did as well as I could at the time under entirely different circumstances than those my parents faced when raising me.

On the positive side. My family did a good job trying to feed me. My dad took me to dim sung and buffets. I still skipped breakfast maybe I would have learned more if I ate better breakfasts. A doctor just told me to eat more and drink more water and I would be better off.

Hahaha