How do I avoid medication for depression or therapy that may be used against me to take my child away?

Could the therapy be held against you if it was caused by abuse? What if you approached it as family therapy? Both you and your son? You are both victims in this and I would think that going to therapy would be both good for you and an example of good parenting after the traumatic experience of abuse.

I would get a lawyer (just my advice as former CPS worker in the US).

Also, don’t sign anything.

As far as therapy goes, it can be held against you if you don’t get therapy, if it’s determined that you need it.

@jca I did a month long intensive therapy as requested by child services. It was while his father was put in full time psychic care due to his break down after the girlfriend he started seeing after our break up dumped him because he wasn’t eating and was refusing to go to work.

OK. I’d get a lawyer and I’d also remind them that you have complied with what they asked you to do but you don’t wish the case to continue. If it’s voluntary, you want to close it. If it’s mandated, there’s where the lawyer comes in.

The lawyer will be Norwegian… he won’t give a shit. I don’t feel like anyone here gives a shit. I’m outflanked and outnumbered. If I wave the white flag…. That will be my death warrant. I’ll have no reason to carry on.

Was your son born in Norway (although it looks like it doesn’t matter)? I ask because of this interesting note I found: A Norwegian citizen who voluntarily acquires another citizenship automatically loses Norwegian citizenship without notification. This applies even if the foreign citizenship is acquired by registration through jus sanguinis instead of naturalization, and regardless of the person’s age or current residence. This clause has created difficulties for children who are born to an Australian parent and a Norwegian parent outside Australia, because Australian nationality law explicitly states that a child born outside Australia does not automatically acquire Australian citizenship at birth, instead the Australian parent must voluntarily register the child’s birth to Australian missions abroad in order to confer Australian citizenship to the child. In this case, Norwegian citizenship is automatically lost when the Australian parent registered the child’s birth to Australian authorities. This applies even when the child was born on Norwegian soil, and also applies when the other parent is a citizen of a country with a similar nationality law to Australia’s, e.g. New Zealand. From this article

He was born in Norway and yes, his father holds all the cards there as to where our son lives. I can leave, but I would have to leave my son behind. I still have my foreign citizenship. I am a New Zealand resident but an American Citizen. I can move to either New Zealand or the US. If I try to take my son with me it becomes a bit more complicated.

Again, get a lawyer.

Yeah…. get a lawyer… who will tell me again, I have no rights and no position.

I think what @jca is trying to say you need legal advice that maybe only a Lawyer could supply you with, good luck.

A good therapist will be on your side and will also write an evaluation and/or recommendation to the courts on your behalf. Obviously they will not lie, or ignore any real issues but putting yourself in therapy shows a healthy and pro-active stance towards dealing with your stress,depression, anxiety.
I went into therapy during my divorce years ago now when my daughter was 15. My therapist wrote me a glowing review stating that I was a great and competent mother and was a very bright and insightful women who had made great progress in coping with my adjustment stress of the divorce.

I never needed to use it in the family court system, but it was there just in case my jerky, highly narcissistic ex decided to claim I had issues. I’d start with therapy and not take any medications that mess with your brain chemistry, maybe just a mild anti-anxiety drug to start. Baby steps, never go for the big guns as a first option.

@cazzie: Like @SQUEEKY2 said, I am trying to tell you that you need legal advice that a lawyer can supply you with. What I know of, laws in my state, do not apply to you since you are in another country.

And what I know of the law here means I have no shit show in hell.

Another reason why you need a Lawyers help,for legal advice as to what your options are.

There is a history of how they use the law here. They determine that the immigrant has no good job prospects and too little income, (which is built in to their system), and then they determine how that is detrimental to the child and how foreigners have bad ways of raising their children that differ from the Norwegian way, so it is much better for any child to be taken away and given to Norwegian parents, because that it so much better for the child.

If you’re going to be fatalistic about it, you may as well roll over. If you pay an attorney, he or she should work for you. That’s his job.

So I just googled “norway immigrant child services”, and holy crap, she’s not exaggerating. Damn, cazzie. I’m so sorry. Hugs.

Not exaggerating. Nope. I am not.

Are you a U.S. Citizen? If so, can you contact the U.S. embassy and ask for help? Or the Embassy of your country if you’re not US?
This can’t be an isolated event in Norway, someone must have fought the system in the past, and (hopefully) won.

Good luck, @cazzie, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Bingo! I was going to suggest what @canidmajor said. Go there and ask for help.

If you truly feel that you can get no help from any Norwegian then go to the US Embassy and seek help there. If you are a US citizen then so is your son.

Are you able to get to that embassy, and stay? Meaning to pack what you need and want. Get both you and child plus bags inside the embassy. Once you’re there, you may not be able to leave to go back home.
Diplomatic immunity.
Are you ready to leave?
Tell no one.
Taxi if no car.
Think on it.

Well crap, forget what I said, if this is how the system works in Norway, yep, I;d be scared shitless too. Good luck @cazzie Wow, just wow!

How horrible. I would think that any (but I’m not that naive) governmental organization in today’s day and age would be HAPPY that you took the step to get help. It’s not shameful to. It’s actually helpful to.

Do you have anyone working your case that you trust? If not try asking for a new caseworker.

I’m with you that seeking psychiatric help might work against you. Plus, I don’t know about Norway, but in America a patient does not have a right to all her psychiatric record like we do a regular medical chart. Since I learned that I am more hesitant myself about seeking help, and I don’t have anything as serious or meaningful as worrying about my child being separated from me.

I thought your ex doesn’t try to see your son often, would he object to you leaving the country with your son? Or, does he have no say anyway since he was found to be abusive? Your son may be Norwegian, but he is American too. Would the government actually prevent you from leaving the country with your son? Have they given your passport numbers to the airports?

My ex has all the rights, regardless having been found guilty of the abuse.

@cazzie Do you and your son meet any of the criteria listed here for US citizenship?

Yes. I’m American. If I want to get a US passport for my son, his father would have to sign the paperwork. Which would be very unlikely. His father can’t even show up to get his son’s Norwegian passport renewed. My son has no current form of I’d so I can’t get him on a plane.

Do you have his birth certificate? If not can you get a certified copy? That should be enough for a minor

Have you talked to his father about the possibility of your son leaving the country? It sounds like the dad is not that involved anyway.

@Stinley It’s not enough. To travel internationally, even if her son had his American passport, @cazzie would need a notarized letter from her ex when traveling that he approves of her taking her son out of the country. She might get lucky and the agent might not ask to see the letter, but maybe not. Plus, she does need the father to sign the paperwork for the passport. I don’t know if that’s true for every country, but it’s true for at least some of them I know.

His father is involved on his terms. Doesn’t call for weeks. Cancels weekends but when he wants to see the boy everyone had better move hell and high water. So, no he won’t let me leave with him. My son cries and screams when he is told it is time to visit his father. He is shit scared of the man.

@cazzie Maybe the American embassy can help? If America sees the father as abusive they might help you out of the country? I just doubt it is very simple to make happen. It does sound like you can provide the embassy with documents proving your husband was found to be abusive.

Can you cross throughout the European Union with your son without a problem? Or, you are restricted by the courts for the terms of the divorce? I just wonder if a different country in Europe would be better for you if getting back to America isn’t an option that you want to entertain.

I can’t even move counties without his approval.

You are not supposed to but that is different from being able to.

I can travel by train to Sweden or where-ever… but if I set up residency without his father’s permission I am guilty of kidnapping.

@cazzie Yeah, that sucks. It’s similar in America. That’s not unusual.

I feel for you. It must be incredibly difficult dealing with the situation. :(

@cazzie

It sounds like you’ve already conceded defeat. Might as well go ahead and turn your son over to the state or whoever.

It seems like we all got so caught up in the situation that we didn’t answer the question as stated, ie the avoidance of meds or therapy that could be held against you.
I have heard excellent things about mindful meditation, but I have never tried it, myself.
I really should
I will send this Q to someone who may be able to give you some insight.

Meditation can be a bit like playing with fire as serious practice of it necessarily involves delving into one’s psyche. And non-serious practice isn’t really going to be productive.

^^^ just FYI, not who I sent the question to.

@Darth_Algar I don’t do mumbo jumbo. ‘delving into one’s psyche’... what a load of pish posh.

@cazzie

So introspection is beyond you? Why doesn’t that surprise me?

Surface introspection is why I feel the way I do. You aren’t offering anything. What you are talking about is utter bullshit.

@Darth_Algar One can meditate and not be self introspective. Meditating is good for clearing the mind, calming down. Moreover, there are studies that show “delving into ones psyche” isn’t always the best therapy. It varies somewhat by person what is most effective. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is favored by a lot of shrinks and there are good studies to back that type of therapy up. I personally don’t like that sort of therapy for myself, but that doesn’t change the efficacy for some people.

Additionally, studies have been done to show that talking traumatic events through after the fact can sometimes be detrimental. Many holocaust survivors didn’t talk and talk and talk about happened. They closed that chapter and moved forward.

Currently, when a bad event happen, a single significantly traumatic event, they are now advising people not to talk through the details of it. The less etched in your brain the better, and talking about the details increases the memory. Some believe in using drugs immediately after a traumatic event to reduce memory. This is different than the old theory of talking things through, and so the science on these things is changing.

It sounds like @cazzie is going through a reasonably difficult situation, and having trouble dealing with it doesn’t necessarily mean she has to go deep into her psyche. She just wants some relief so she can handle the situation better. Some tools or drugs.

@cazzie: I think you should go to the Embassy and see if they have any legal advice or can tell you of others in similar situations and what worked for them.

The embassy is a 10 hour train ride away. I took out my Walt Whitman and Emerson and have been reading. It is helping.

Apologies for the late response, haven’t really been around the computer much the past few days.

Now, folks, if you’ll carefully read my post (rather than simply knee-jerk reacting) I wasn’t actually recommending that @cazzie take up meditation. In fact I was offering a counter to a user who was.