How to be more assertive?

I’ve always been told that I need to be more assertive. Speech and leadership classes and books that I read on verbal transactional analysis helped. I learned to see how other people saw me (that was painful) and how to force myself into being assertive when I had to. It was never easy. It’s not who I am.

Good luck to you!

Assertive and better communication though related are really 2 separate disciplines. Being more assertive won’t necessarily make you better at communicating nor will better communication make you more assertive. Assertive in communication can come off cocky, condescending and or arrogant.

I think confidence is a better choice of words that indeed opens the door to better communication and that can come with practice. Write a speech or some dialogue and stand in front of a mirror and just speak over and over. Even better is to video tape yourself and replay and critique yourself. Experiment with your delivery and pace of your words. Also your choice of words and how you present your thoughts and ideas is critical to better communication. Posture is also very important in looking and sounding confident when speaking. It really comes down to practice… practice and practice.

I think the only real reason to become more assertive is, primarily, so people do not walk all over you. be that your boss or in personal relationships. Being able to state, firmly and clearly but diplomatically, what you are and are not willing to do etc. Being able to speak up in say a restaurant if your food is not served as you requested or other daily annoyances is important too, but really….it all comes down to picking your battles. If someone is annoying and you are not invested in a working or personal relationship it is best to just let their annoyances go and move on.

Start with simple things like practicing speaking clearly and at a volume you can be heard. Do not speak softly or mumble and make eye contact, very important. Direct eye contact is an assertive and confident gesture that conveys confidence as @Cruiser mentioned.
If your burger is soggy and your fries are cold at the drive through, don’t be pissy about it and fume but eat your crappy lunch anyway. Drive back through and say ” My burger is soggy and my fries are cold and I want a replacement meal.” haha

If someone cuts in front of you in a line, speak up, say ” excuse me but I am next.”
Once you get more comfortable with the little things you will have more confidence to tackle the bigger issues. Always stay calm, getting emotional and hysterical takes away your power, much better to remain calm, state your issue and don’t lose your cool.
Assertive is firm but calm and aggressive is sloppy and loud.

First figure out what you want. Then tell others.

Stand up straight. Look people in the eye. Cross your arms in front of you. Get a mind set of I CAN! And be sure of your facts!

https://youtu.be/UlVvJfoZ-uU