Why do we women, do this to ourselves?

Women believe men don’t know what they want. And the few that think otherwise believe that men don’t know what they need. The trouble is that both groups are so frequently right that there’s little to be gained from discussing the truth of it.

You are living that song, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places.
You desire something with depth, and when such a situation does not present itself right away, you hope to find a close second and bend that a bit in the right direction.
There is nothing wrong with desiring some affection, and companionship. When that isn’t available, frustration is normal. You are suffering, and for that I am sorry.
Hang in there. Get a teddy bear (not a joke). Find something special you can do for yourself. I don’t mean a hobby, something more self indulgent.

@Here2_4 I think you’re right, but I don’t know where to look for people who would want to date me. I personally think, I’m probably not worth the fight…maybe this is just how it was meant to be for awhile.

Looking is the biggest mistake. Live life without giving the impression you care one bit about being single. The most beautiful women in the world, the most desirable, are the ones who don’t seem to need any companion. Focus on loving yourself. Look at yourself as your most compatible companion. It is hard to do, but it can be done. When you are, or seem to be too involved to start a relationship, that is when you will be noticed, and approached. Just remember patience is the main ingredient to success, really in most anything.

@Here2_4 The funny thing about it is, that we spoke awhile ago. And he texted me out of the blue til now, I dunno. I feel as if I’m probably a second option.

Men won’t admit it, not even to themselves, but they like the chasing better than the catching. The old activity of playing hard to get has a basis in truth. However old fashioned it may seem, men stick more to the woman who gave them a good run for their efforts. Men like a challenge. Whether they be scruffy hill folk from deep in the wilderness, or a Hollywood metrosexual, in each their own way, they feel urges to meet a challenge and be the victor.
Keep things at arms length until you can get a better read on his real stance with you. Don’t be a back up. Be the choice, not the booby prize. If he isn’t inclined to fight for you, pursue you, then anything you might have together isn’t going to last.
Don’t devalue yourself. Make him impress you, chase you, prove himself worthy of you. If he won’t, then he isn’t.

Because you’re lonely.

Because deep down you think he only believes that because he’s had some bad luck with women and you are different.
I actually said that when I met my husband and he said the same thing and a month later we were engaged. Its not that we didn’t know what I wanted but rather we both were in a place of just having fun with no strings and then found that we were extremely compatible. It so happens that neither of us had a recent break up or anything like that. We just were looking for someone to go clubbing with that wasn’t a psycho.
We simply got more than we bargained.
Just be wary. When my daughter was dating it seems that, just recently broke up, meant I’m still dating my ex for casual sex.
If that is not ideal for you than you should be up front. Just date for fun. See where it leads. Don’t have any expectations. If he expects you to be a one man woman make sure it’s a two way street.

Hmm.
Well, neither gender trusts each other.
So, why can’t we just get honest and basic?

“I’m looking for my love and soul mate. Meanwhile, I’‘m in it for fun and flirtation and sex, if the chemistry feels right.”

My observations and opinions about dating and love, is a mashup of opposites.
I don’t give the male gender any credit for emotion… and yet… men write the sappiest love songs and gossip with their friends about each other and try to set each other up with a woman.

When a man goes “all in”, that’s it. He wants all of his friends to have that connection he feels. Loyal like a pitbull.

Women tend to confuse “love” with “captivate”.
Once you hook that fish, did you really want a fish?
Settle for the one you captured?

@Here2_4 presents the other pov. We are all really the same.
We artificially divide our emotional responses by gender. When lightning strikes, you know it. You can’t force creation of lightning out of Stevia. and a lightbulb.

It’s late, I’m exhausted and my train of thought just derailed. I have a point in there somewhere. I’m sure you’ll find it

I have no idea. It is hard to learn that settling down in a relationship, really should emphasize the ‘settle’. No one needs someone who lies. He lied to you on the dates of occurances. Red flag. Why lie?
Remember rebound person means just that.
Walk away quickly. If he lied about this-what about the big stuff? Not trustworthy. But he thinks it’s ok. He didn’t lie, he just didn’t tell you the whole truth.
It’s not how badly anyone wants to connect, but it is awful when a part of your inner voice is yelling: Abort! Abort Mission!!! Go to the ladies room and crawl out the proverbial window!!!
Run! Run like the wind! Listen to your inner-voice, it is smart… as are you.
Keep looking. That person will show up. Just go on with other things, as some have said.

Here_2_4, you are a smart cookie, and your answers were excellent.

My guess, since he told you two different stories on two different occasions, is that he is very possibly still with this other woman.

Spoiler alert: Any interaction between two people is a “relationship”.

What a person usually means when they say, “I don’t want a relationship” it usually means, “I don’t want a committed relationship” with a side of “I’m not emotionally available right now”.

So, if you’re into casual sex with no romantic reward, yay you!

@Blueroses correct.
@vatofjelly The person you are asking about probably just got out of a bad relationship. The lying part I don’t get and that should be a red flag. Other than that I can decode this for you based on my experience and watching the experience of other poor souls.

A good percentage of men simply want to be in a happy relationship where their needs are met and they can pamper their significant other. What happens over time is that she looses interest or does not need to keep up the act as he is effectively contained, yet she continues to use him for resources. At some point he will have had enough and will end the relationship or stop the pampering where she will end it. Most men are chumps and a large percentage of women are experts at exploiting them. It’s all mostly buried deeply in our biology and neither genders fault. Not all relationships end up this way so don’t think I’m against them. It happens more often when one or more sides just go through the motions when it comes to finding a partner and have not found themselves yet.

The man could be starved for affection yet will not touch another exclusive relationship with a 10 foot pole.

My advice: run away, unless you are ok with being a stepping stone in his emotional recovery.

Rebound relationships especially after only one week are almost always a desperate attempt to replace the love and affections one had with their ex. I could go Dr. Phil on you here but ultimately it is up to you to decide how you want and expect to be treated by a man you are attempting to trust with your time and emotions.

^^ That fallacious old cliche is precisely why he lied to you.

When women say “No” to sexual relations, men hear “Not now,” “Maybe later,” or “You need to try harder.” Men take that as a challenge to overcome. I’m not suggesting that most men degrade to date rape – I like men, and I’ve have had so many nice experiences, I’d never suggest that – but they’re guys and they want sex.

When a man tells a woman that he doesn’t want a relationship, she hears “Please convince me otherwise.” Somewhere within her mind, she hears the guy challenging her to be The Right One and win his heart.

Well…you at least saw the red flags. First, he is on the rebound, after only a week out of a break up, secondly, and most importantly, he LIED about that from the get go. Thirdly he doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t get the connection of what you consider “putting ourselves through this as women.”

You identified the red flags and, I am assuming, are not going to pursue any further contact, so, it seems to me, you are on the right track. It’s not about putting ourselves through anything, you venture out, you explore, and when the duddy dude reveals his duddiness you move on. Simple. haha

^^ “Duddiness….my new word of the day. Now to venture out and try and find some stuff to use it on! lol

By the way, it isn’t just women who do this.

Men can fall victim to Goddess Worship – trying to please and win the love of a disinterested, or perhaps even mean, girlfriend. The Goddess becomes such prize – a goal unto herself – that the guy will temporarily lose his dignity. The more unobtainable the woman becomes, the greater her allure grows.

I’ve known so many nice guys who have had Goddess experiences. In hindsight, they wonder what the heck they’d been thinking and where their sanity had gone. But, at the time, they lost all reason and ignored every warning flag.

@Love_my_doggie guilty

@Cruiser @Love_my_doggie @Coloma @Espiritus_Corvus @ARE_you_kidding_me @Seek @Blueroses And anyone else I forgot it looks like I’ll just give the slow fade…I’ll just respond to texts slowly, then not at all.

” he just broke up with his Girlfriend” might be interpeted as:
1.I am dateable and desired by women.
2. I am not fully recovered, but need comfort ?
3. I am warning you ahead of time should ‘we” enter into a realationship and break up?
4.Watch out for my ex.
5. I am not sure ‘if” i may change my mind and go back to my girlfriend and just checking out the options of another .
When he says that he just broke up with a grilfriend recently..I would had said “oh sorry that it did not work out for you and because it is so recent I prefer to “not” date you at this time.

@Cruiser Ouch…sorry to hear that. Care to share your story?

@Love_my_doggie Nope.