When explaining something to a child, do you pay attention to your use of language?

That speech obviously went over the 2 year old’s head. But one of the great joys in dealing with little kids is to watch them riddle and sort the input flooding in. Yesterday it was my turn to drive over to my friend’s house and feed his 3 cats. The dad in your example was merely doing what I do with the cats. I think there is a very powerful inborn instinct to talk to children even when they are too young to understand a word of what you are saying. If nothing else, it’s solid practice for the day when they begin to understand, and that is the time when you should talk to and listen to them as much as the 2 of you can tolerate. The possibility exists that you will say things beyond the kid’s comprehension, but you can bet that they will catch up with you and quickly. And that is exactly what you both want.

If you do not use words they do not know, how are they supposed to ever learn them?
Might as well only ever use Teletubby speech.

I do now since I had a bad experience while I was babysitting for my twin nephews. One of them had a messy head of hair and I stupidly said, “Come here and let me brush your hair. It looks like a bird nested in it.” Imagine my childless surprise when he promptly burst into tears and brushing at his head with his hands said “Get it out. Get it out.”

I remembered that my first husband did not like and would never eat oatmeal even as an adult because someone had once said to him, “Oatmeal sticks to your ribs,” which he thought was a horrifying concept.

Children take words very literally.

@marinelife
That is funny. You need to do that more. And put it on youtube.

I’ve always tried to use age appropriate language when explaining things to my girls. The older they get, the more they know, and the bigger the words that can be used.

@marinelife I took the Total cereal commercial literally where one had to eat multiple bowls of the competitors cereal to equal one bowl of Total , as a kid. I ended up in the hospital for a week.

@talljasperman That reminds me of this spoof ad from Saturday Night Live Colon Blow Cereal.

I absolutely used age appropriate words and tried to tossed in a few extras. “Would you like an apple?”. “Would you like a red apple?” “Would you like a red delicious apple?”

I did the same as @LuckyGuy . I also said things which were more advanced, then repeat in simpler terms. Like, I might say, we will be taking a train ride to your grandmother’s house. I would then say, Wanna ride choo choo see Ma ma?
Of course, I gradually upgraded, no longer needing “Choo choo”, once they hit thirteen or so.

I talk to my son, and all children, the way I talk to any adult.

As a result, my child has a vocabulary that often takes strangers aback. And not because of four-letter words

This is something my dad often does. He just can’t find easier words. My brother used to ask the family what presentation was, and this was dad’s response: “Presentation is when you present a topic like in a lecture”.

It’s touches me to hear a small child use a very grown-up word, so seriously and earnestly. I know I’ve just witnessed a step along the lengthy path from infancy to adulthood.

I don’t think he was actually talking to her in this case. He’s talking to himself, the people around him that are listening and he’s worried are judging, and probably venting a little bit. He’s running out of patience.

I find myself doing this after too many hours with the little ones, but I really try not to. It’s basically sarcasm and mildly insulting, with the hopes that she won’t understand. That’s more the problem than the actual vocabulary he’s using.

At my best, I try to present the concepts to my 3-year-old in a way she’ll understand first, and then expand. Hitting her with the full adult version doesn’t do anyone any good, but you do want her to learn how to express more complex concepts too, and she honestly enjoys learning new words.

Day 1, hour 1, I’m great at it. By the end of about day 3, I just want to keep things moving.

When dealing with very young children I would just be mindful about whatever similes or metaphors I use because they do take things very literally.

So, that I would try to avoid, but as far as language is concerned, I wouid speak to them the same way I would to an adult.

When I was teaching 3rd and 4th grades, I would often have a child raising their hands and asking what a particular word I had just used meant. So, that was the perfect opportunity for a little mini-vocabulary discussion.

But the reason I got that kind of response was because I let all the kids in my classes know right from the first day that they could ask me any questions about whatever they didn’t understand (rather than taking for granted that everything about a particular lesson was automatically clear to all simply because I’m standing in the front of the room talking :)

And I reinforced this often and actively encouraged questioning because I just loved the fact that at 3rd grade the majority of kids that age still retained the magic and enthusiasm of curiosity.

I didn’t want to be a person contributing to their jaded or bored attitudes in later years. The curiosity and imagination of children is such a wonderful quality and should be encouraged and retained for as long as possible.

@seek

I once saw an interview with J. K. Rowling where the interviewer was questioning her about using such advanced vocabulary and strange names in books which were obviously intended for children.

She replied that this was a purposeful decision on her part. She abhorred talking down to children and felt that they would respond to the challenge. Plus, it made her stories that much more unique and appreciated by children.

You have a similar mindset and I have no doubt that it’s a major reason for your son’s vocabulary level.

Childcare worker chiming in here. When you are trying to get a child to listen and do what you ask you speak differently to them when they are one or two. There are always opportunities to enrich their language but when you need them to climb down or step away to come to you you speak to be understood.

It depends. I don’t use much sarcasm or many idioms when they are very young, especially if they are not my children. Some families might use certain idioms or metaphors regularly, and so it part of what the child hears all the time, but a stray saying the child has never heard before can cause confusion.

I do use typical everyday speech though, I don’t dumb it down much. I might opt for more commonly used words when possible. Probably considered talking on an eighth grade level. I once read most articles in magazines are written at an eighth grade level.

If I see they don’t understand I would reword it. I do the same thing for everyone at every age. Miscommunication happens all the time. You have to know your audience, and also I myself could be using a word or phrase incorrectly or differently than they interpret it.

Oh, look. Science agrees with me

@Seek That article showcased quantity of words more than anything from what I can gather. It did point out using a broad vocabulary and positive words of encouragement also, but I found it very interesting verbally interacting seems to be key. That just comes naturally to me. Naturally because of my upbringing I guess? It also shows that whole “be seen but not heard,” and “don’t speak unless spoken,” to is garbage and detrimental to children.

Number of different words used is a good tell, I think.

It’s important for a child (or any person) to know that “also”, “as well”, and “too” are all synonyms. They should also learn the word “synonym”. and if you’re my kid, you also learn the etymology of the word “synonym” and the definition of “etymology”... but I’m an overachiever.

Sadly, there are entire subcultures that have forgotten the proper use of plural nouns and how to conjugate verbs. This does the children being raised in these subcultures no favors.

I have never talked down to my kids. The “what does that word mean” question is frequent, and I see this as a good thing. We also have always read books that use regular, adult language.

When I’m trying to tell a 2 year old to climb down from a chair before they fall and hurt themselves, I’m not going to make it sound like Shakespeare. I’m going to use words in a way they will understand. When we are in active play mode, it is a different story. My son’s vocabulary in two languages and the fact he has somehow never had a broken bone or been hit by a car is my only real proof of this though. Oh, also the fact that I’ve been through a course on child development and cognitive training.

Just to give you an idea of what we do with the children and their development goals: Before two years, they should be pointing to their body parts when asked, ‘where’s your nose’ etc. We use songs and play to help them learn. We sing to them when they sit down for meal times (three times a day) and also hold little entertainment sessions to teach them how to sit still and watch while identifying items in a little box and the songs that are sung for each one. The singing enriches their language. Some of the one year olds are already doing the hand movements to the songs, but by the end of the year in June, we expect all of them to be. Table manners is a HUGE learning curve for some of them. We teach them hand signals to ask for more and say when they are done. They are given choices as to what to have on their bread. They are also to bring their plates and glasses (yes, glasses) to the trolley when they are done. It is really amazing what a one year old can learn and quickly.

@cazzie Obviously. However, a “No! Hot!” situation is a far cry from normal conversational tone. If “No, Hot!” is the only talk-time the kid is getting, that isn’t enough. Not that I’m saying that’s your situation (I know it’s not).

Neighborhood kids occasionally (very occasionally) come over to see if Ian can come out to play. When I answer the door, they say, “Where Ian is? He can come out?”

I want to march to their houses, drag their parents outside, and smack them around. Honestly. When did, “Hi, Mrs. Ian’s Mom, can Ian come out and ride bikes?” go out of fashion and this abysmal excuse for language take hold?

Interesting points. Thanks, and GAs.

The dad I mentioned in my details proceeded to repeat the same words, getting louder. Both the kid and the dad were frustrated, and neither understood why their request was being ignored. They might have been talking, but they weren’t communicating. I think using simpler words or body language is preferable to repeating your request in a louder or more insistent tone.

I agree of course that experiencing complex sentence structure and hearing unusual words are vital aspects of a child’s language acquisition. I am not advocating for talking down to children. I also believe, however, that communication can only happen when you are willing to tune in to your audience, regardless of its age.

Last week, one of my young cousins asked for an explanation of the term “insurance”. Relatives started using terms like “damages” and “compensation”, and the kid stopped listening about five words in. I gave her an example instead, and she got it. Apparently, the words we use can be overwhelming enough to shut down questions, and I think that’s horrible.

@longgone I saw that even more pronounced with my autistic step son. I learned quickly to draw a picture instead of using a bunch of words, or use just a few words with a picture.

@Seek In the example given by the OP, they were stating that the father wanted the daughter to leave the store with him. That is a request. They need to be understood.

With my son with ADHD, I was taught very specifically how improve the outcome. Simple words, with a hand on his shoulder, repeated gently for as many times it took for him to listen. It wasn’t that he lacked a vocabulary, but if his attention was elsewhere, it was much too easy for him to ignore long diatribes from me yelled from across the room.

@cazzie I can imagine. One of the children I tutor has a hard time processing speech, and I’ve gotten used to a very different pace of language when I’m with her. I try to challenge her, but I don’t want her overwhelmed, so I slow down and make very sure she understands. When she asks me for spelling help, I can’t rattle off letters like I do with the other kids her age. I have to add a word between every two letters, or she will jumble them up. I’ll say, “An M, an I, an L, a K”, for example. I don’t get why that works, but it does.

I would guess that children who live around adults who discuss things even with each other has to help also. Certainly, talking directly to the child, and with the child is the most important, but witnessing adult conversations helps them learn also in my opinion.

Back to talking to the child; when people talk about learning a language as a young child is easier than when we are adults; I agree. I also point out we teach 3 year olds language by saying things like, “put the apple on the table.” Then we point to the table. The child already has the apple in her hand. Then the kid asks, “table?” We say, “yes, table, place the apple on the table.” Then when she does it we smile and say, “very good.” When a middle/high school kid, or adult, learns a language it isn’t interactive like that. I don’t just think learning language has to do with being young, and a young brain, I think it has to do with how it is taught to us. It’s why immersion is more effective than memorizing vocabulary words. I think it’s true with first languages, and second languages too. In our first language as children we are constantly corrected and witnessing the correct usage (hopefully).

So, even though we might talk to children as little adults, I think most people still take the step to make sure the child understands.

@longgone: “Last week, one of my young cousins asked for an explanation of the term “insurance”. Relatives started using terms like “damages” and “compensation”, and the kid stopped listening about five words in. I gave her an example instead, and she got it. Apparently, the words we use can be overwhelming enough to shut down questions, and I think that’s horrible.”

This brings up a good point. Language is important because it’s a tool that we use to communicate with people. If we were writing words on paper and then burning them, there would be very little communication other than intrapersonal communication.

But since we generally use words that we feel best accomplish what we are attempting to communicate to other people, speaking in front of children can be a great learning tool for adults. They are honest, are learning the language, have confused or limited understanding of some of the complex concepts that are expressed in language, and can often provide some of the best lessons in our communication skills. Are we being overly complicated? Are we making unnecessary assumptions? Do we truly understand the words we are using? Maybe there are simpler, more concise tools for the job.

My language skills are not great. In the past, I have blamed my environment and education. But from what I can tell, my parents have a very limited vocabulary, have a minimal education, never read, and I do not recall them challenging me with vocabulary or complex subjects. I made conscious effort with my first-born to engage her as a person who wants to be challenged. And it didn’t take much effort. Once I started, it felt intuitive, and the interactions were so positive that it confirmed my suspicions about what children can handle.

Of course, I would never just repeat myself louder in hopes that my kids would understand me. And, it’s also not a constant vocabulary or concept lesson – fart jokes are just as common.