Any ways to get over social anxiety?

Thank you for sharing this difficulty you have.

I work in the mental health field, but I am not a clinician. I strongly suggest you see a counselor as soon as possible and start to discuss your social anxiety. The counselor may suggest seeing a psychiatrist to determine if any medication may help. I would suggest you do as the counselor recommends. Some medications can help, but only a psychiatrist will be able to administer them appropriately.

Continue to use therapy and talk about what concerns you with your counselor, and do what any psychiatrist may recommend.

Best of luck to you.

The big question is “what sort of plans have you regarding Dustin?” If he is annoyed with you for being introverted, it would be best to move on. The fact that he wants to “get together this weekend” should reassure you, since he obviously has no trouble expressing HIS feelings. Seems to me that you must confide in him as you have with us. Tell him how you feel. If you can’t bring yourself to do it, find someone you trust to do it for you. How about your dad?

Honestly it fades with age but does not ever “go away” you just accept your introversion and take baby steps. BIG THING: it’s not really a problem you have to get over. Accept and embrace your introversion. Plan your life around it, not the other way around.

I used to be pretty introverted until one of my extroverted friends told me the best advice ever (even if it doesn’t sound like it at first)

“Just be yourself. F em if they can’t take a joke.”

You shouldn’t feel pressured to say or do things. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.
I’ve often reacted to similar parties by shaking someone’s hand and actually saying “Hey, I feel socially awkward here cuz I don’t really know any of you” and throwing in a laugh.. turns out it actually loosens everyone up. More people are feeling that way than you might think.

Don’t focus on “changing” to be an ambivert, or an extrovert.

Being an introvert is fine. All it means is that we cherish our alone-time to recharge.

The trick is finding a group of people who share your interests. That way you can talk about something that already excites you, without having to stumble through the awkward niceties of small talk. Then you can talk and laugh and have fun, and then take the next couple of days to snuggle with your book and your tea and your cat and recover.

”[T]here were some really awkward times where I just stood there next to Dustin while he joked around with his best friend.”

I know that feeling.

1) Concentrate on who is feeling awkward. If Dustin was joking around with his friend, odds are he was perfectly fine. Don’t worry about the extroverts in these situations, they’re in their element. When you really are making others feel awkward, those people are very likely introverts themselves. Kindred spirits, and people who will be relieved if you simply leave them alone or, alternatively, tell them that you are feeling awkward.

2) Play games. I sometimes pretend I am on a treasure hunt, trying to get into another person’s mind. I make it my mission to find out what their ideas are. At other times, I just keep count of how many verbs they use. I need my mind focused on something other than the anxiety.

In general, please try to accept who you are. I do the above when I am thrust into situations which I don’t enjoy, but I take care not to deny myself the joy of being alone. My friends know that I won’t go out clubbing, usually, and they realize I hate to be in the spotlight.

You can’t play a role in any long-term relationships. Before long, Dustin will have to get to know the real you. If he likes you, great. If he doesn’t, at least you’ll find out before you’re married.

Here is a TED talk on what introverts have to offer. You might want to watch it – social situations get much easier once you’ve embraced your inner introvert.

Oh! A trick!

So, I’m an INTJ married to and friends with an exceptionally large number of ENFPs.

Hubby is a musician so occasionally I’m thrust headlong into a bar full of people I’ve never met or barely know, alone.

That becomes “Random Deep Converstation Time”. Because small talk is the worst thing ever, I’ll find some excuse to wrap myself into a conversation with someone that I have never met before and have no intentions of ever seeing again. Travelling musicians and their roadies are a good bet, but it’ll work with any random person who isn’t currently occupied with a group.

Instantly, you’re on common ground with that person. They’re awkward and kinda shy, you’re awkward and kinda shy, neither one of you wants to talk about the weather. So what do you talk about?

“Oh, I see you’re drinking a Weinstephaner Dunkel. Did you know they still follow the old beer purity law from 1487? The brewery has been sitting on the same land since 1040! It’s the oldest continually operating brewery in the world! Have you tried their Hefeweissen?”

or whatthefuckever. Talk about their shoes, or the Firefly quote on their T-shirt, or how nicely their mutton chops accent their cheekbones (even if it isn’t true. No one cares). Whatever you know something about. Just start talking. The point is you are saving that person from an awkward group conversation just as much as he is saving you from awkward small talk. At some point you can stop, take a breath, and give your name, accept their name, and BADABING. New friend. Or not. Again, not the point. We introverts have to stick together until we can go home.

longgone- I watched the Ted speech. Wow. All I can say is : Yes! What she said! I kept nodding my head, as if a head-banger’s concert. Thank you!
”””””””””””””
travelbabe24, welcome to the ’ boy do I wish I were elsewhere at this juncture ’ moments. I hate that type of situation also. I taught English and Communications to the aged kids who least want to be there. I needed no whip nor chair, it was great, and I loved it, and oddly, so did they… However, the person who did that task, is the same one who remains quiet at social functions, wishing for an earthquake tremor or tornado drill to get out of the situation at hand – PDQ.
Gregarious yet socially excruciated.
New phrase.
There is a reason Dad and boyfriend exude the same traits.
For someone whom cares for you to not include you in a conversation and leave you hanging in the wind? Really?
And then be irritated? Seriously?
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Not one iota.
Where you to wander the get together saying random things to others?
” Yes, I find black tea much tastier than green.”
Aaahhhh save me. Save me from the pleasant ½ smile face I must wear for – how long???
You are not alone.
I so admire _ seek _ for being able to start those conversations. No easy feat!
Watch the Ted speech- above.
We aren’t alone.
We don’t have to be ‘the One ’ all the time.
Dad and boyfriend’s ways are the – “D-All of the above.” answer to it. Not one- gregariousness fits all. Look for a kinder spirit who allows you to be either personage, any time you wish.
I’ll see you at the next get together. I’ll either be hiding in the restroom or trying to blend in with the ficus plant in the corner…
Take care~

@Seek I’m an INTJ also. I think there are a lot of us here. While I tend to think MBTI is not scientific, it’s close enough for engineering work. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that many of us would rather debate existence, politics and religion online on a Friday night than go be social at a bar somewhere. The reason I despise chit chat is because I’m uncomfortable enough and I can’t even escape into my own mind with someones jibber jabber going on. I feel like I am literally being forced to be stupid.

@msh – This is a recent development. I have the distinction of being introverted but not shy – at least when it comes to people I won’t ever have to actually face again.

@ARE_you_kidding_me – And I don’t have to see the look on your face when I make a gaffe. ^_^

It’s an ugly mug anyway

@travelbabe24 I’m shy and introverted, which is honestly kind of a crappy combination. People frequently confuse the two, so I always have to point out the differences. Do you think there’s a chance that you’re also shy and introverted? I ask because there are ways you can work to overcome shyness, but there aren’t really ways to overcome being introverted. Introverted brains are literally wired differently and handle external stimulation much differently than an extroverted brain, which is why it’s best that you learn to accept that you don’t have to be like everyone else, and there’s nothing wrong with being introverted.

If you experience genuine anxiety in social situations, it makes me think that you, like me, have a shy streak as well. My shyness has tapered to some degree over the years, but even at 30 it can be almost debilitating once in a while. I definitely suggest maybe talking to a therapist about it, because they can work on helping you deal with social situations. If your anxiety is bad enough, they might even be able to prescribe an anti-anxiety med to help you out.

“Honestly it fades with age but does not ever “go away””

Ummm… no.

I was shy in grade school, outgoing in my teens/twenties, and regressed to the point of needing medical attention. It’s possible that I am weird and most “socially anxious” people grow out of it on their own, but there IS a chance that the OP is like me and thus will need to seek professional help.