Describe your perfect significant other?

To be hot, fit, and relaxed would suffice.

A low-maintenance, independently wealthy intellectual with good hygiene.

I’d really like a high-class, loveless arranged marriage from like, 1870s England. That’d be great. Yes, dear, you do your manor house thing and I’ll be here having tea in the library.

The person that I care deeply about, and cares deeply about me, while each remaining independence.

Integrity, patient, caring (not just with me, but in general) honest, likes to laugh, and is committed to the relationship. Since I’m not independently wealthy I’m going to add that ideally he is wealthy, and his work is not 9–5 in an office M-F but has some flexibility to work from home at least some of the time. More trivial I like dark hair, 5’9”-5’11” ideally, and medium build. None of this super muscular or super skinny thing. Sometimes my husband gets down to really skinny and I’m like an Italian grandma—mangia, mangia.

Anyone who see me as who I am, and give me back as much as they receive from me.

Meow

That’s easy Mrs Squeeky.

Someone I never see and don’t have to deal with, but just gives me loads of money every month.

It might be easier to list things that are deal breakers.

Women who are overly stressed out, worrisome, petty, nit-picky, or over-bearing are deal breakers. Just relax. It’s life. There’s not enough time to be dramatic about small problems.

Also Divas, money-grubbers, or loose women.. If they are materialistic, wear extra long fake nails and spritz their hair every morning, or flaunt their “goodies” too much.. deal broken…

The one I have.

(Buckle up boys and girls, this will be a quip laden ride)

If I could go to ”Design-a-mate” and concoct the perfect woman she would be:
• No heavier than 115lb but not small enough to be a walking skeleton.
• Have a height between 4’10” and 5’4” (up to 5’6” would pass)
• Have small feet.
• Have long nails, natural or salon and be functional with them.
• Long black straight hair to the small of her back to just below her butt cheeks.
• Have full lips but not thick.
• Have a toned curvy body like a light athletic build.
• Be between 32A to 34C.
• Can pass the PENCIL TEST! (there, I SAID IT, quip on that)
• Pass the pencil test, pass the pencil test, and pass the pencil test some more (since you love it so much it needed a repeat ~~)
• Have an opinion but in he end allow me to be captain (can’t wait to hear the quips on that one)
• Be as devoted and loyal as a hound dog.
• Live to provide warmth and caring in the home, and rear the children.
• Not have been defiled or touched by no one but me.
• Bring no children into the union that we did not make ourselves.
• Be ready to go anywhere at any time, can be classified as a closet nymph.
• Shun most makeup less light lip gloss, mascara and sometimes eyeliner.
• Hate hosiery except for the bedroom.
• Loves oral sex.
• Crazy for foreplay.
• Speak “Greek”_
• Be a wide 1st, a mother 2nd, and then everything else.
• Be natural of chest as natural of face, loath the Spandex/Lycra contraptions.
• Be malleable, gentle, and agreeable.
• Compliant and not argumentative.
• Limber and flexible.

The it is, the honest truth, or I could have gave you a load of “horsefeathers” as you no doubt will get, I don’t care.

(ding ding let’s hear the quip mill)

Good luck on that..@Hypocrisy_Central

^ She doesn’t exist because perfection is not obtainable on Earth, but the last fiance was close.

Good luck, Hypo. Especially on finding the pliant, eager to please virgin who is also a nymphomaniac…And not thirteen.

And just what, pray tell, do you offer as a cinch to this blow up doll of 4’10” and a surprised mouth permanently affixed to her make-up free face?
You sound like the ‘Best of the Personals on Craig’s List’ winners.

…and yes, I buy Craig’s List to just look at the Personal’s pictures…no wait, just to read the articles. Yeah, that’s it. The articles.

I’m thinking this woman is mathematically improbable.

Curvy, but have small, perky breasts, but also athletic, but also less than 115 lbs, but not skeletal.

I’m not exactly sure what he’s asking for there. Thin everywhere but a big ass? Gravity defying tits but no plastic surgery? And then a lobotomy and a steady diet of ecstasy until she’s finally knocked up (by which point he’ll either have to abandon his physical appearance demands because milky boobies means no more pencil test or start looking for another Cylon model) and then she’ll magically become June Cleaver.

I think this question gave me a dream last night about my last boyfriend and today I just want to cry.

Cazzie, let’s go be sister wives in some Edwardian manor on the moors. We can go chuck our rich husband in a bog and live happily ever after.

I’m getting really tired of my constant feeling of loss because of where I am.

My perfect mate? Myself! haha
I was married for years and have zero desire to couple up again, maturity is a grand thing indeed. Just me and the pets and peaceful country living, I’m good. :-)

@cazzie I’m sorry, did not mean to stir up anyone’s shit. Just testing a hypothesis.

(Ahhhhh……those lovely, lovely quips, as if I did not know they were coming)

@Seek Especially on finding the pliant, eager to please virgin who is also a nymphomaniac…And not thirteen.
It may be like looking for a needle in a hay stack, it just means you have to burn down the hay stack, but since there are no perfect mates, even though she can be found, she would have baggage.

Curvy, but have small, perky breasts, but also athletic, but also less than 115 lbs, but not skeletal.
They exist, maybe not in your neck of the woods. They can also on the Net.

Thin everywhere but a big ass? Gravity defying tits but no plastic surgery?
Junk in the trunk and a bump in the rump? I can go for that. Again, they exist all over, some are bamboozled to either believe they don’t exist or they are not one of them so they should hate on those who are; but they are all over.

[..until she’s finally knocked up (by which point he’ll either have to abandon his physical appearance demands because milky boobies means no more pencil test ..]
It is amazing the popular myths you women believe in. I have seen women with a kid you’d never thought had a kid, and others who have had several kids and can still put women to shame who never had any kids. That goes from having gravity defying boobs, small waist, and all. Why would I abandon my perfect mate once she is with child? That would be when her purpose truly begins. I would love her even more, the bigger her belly gets the more I would love her (if it were possible to love her more).

@msh And just what, pray tell, do you offer as a cinch to this blow up doll of 4’10” and a surprised mouth permanently affixed to her make-up free face?
You sound like the ‘Best of the Personals on Craig’s List’ winners.
Maybe it is too late, I am too tired, or maybe just too old, but none of that resonated with me.

In men’s search for the perfectly compatible female, some only find that ‘perfect’ in a non-human form via something inflatable. Some guys get so excited about them, that they bite their ‘perfect woman’ on the neck, and she farts and flies out the window…
Craig’s ‘personals’ listings are sometimes really quite humorous to read. When reading the various ads that are written by some in search for the ‘one’, they tend to forget that what they are offering often pales in comparison to what they state they must have for a perfect pairing.
Question for you- Above; A woman’s ‘purpose’ is to have a kid? Really? That’s all? Having kids or…what? Banishment to Siberia?

@msh Question for you- Above; A woman’s ‘purpose’ is to have a kid? Really? That’s all? Having kids or…what?
Let’s explore that for a moment, even if you take God out of the equation, why would natural selection give women the equipment to have offspring if they were to never have them? I suppose if one makes the argument that what is called mere sentient intelligence overrides nature or the ability nature endows. The only species that doesn’t have offspring is usually sterile from the start, most (if not all) female of a species at some time in their life, if they live long enough have offspring. Take so-called sentient intelligence from human females, what general purpose would they serve?

Ahhhh, you pretension comes clear to me now.
Your take, while somewhat understandable, is attempting to argue a thought from a point of view which reduces humans into primarily functioning beings. That approach may indulge your sensibilities and purpose, so… go for it. Don’t give yourself chest bruises from thumping around now. Mind the branch, dear. Enjoy the salad bar and don’t forget to tip your waitress.

By that logic, why the hell do some men have a brain? You’d think at some point, if they lived long enough, they’d use it, right?

Duh, so they can figure out how to hunt and fish to bring nourishment to their women who are home nursing the babies….. ~~

Except, hypo, that plenty of tiny, hot, young things get pregnant and then their hormones go bananas, their breasts balloon like crazy, they gain 80 lbs, and their feet even grow.

And since you insist on no kids (in fact, no sex at all) before you, you don’t get to know if she’s one of those or not.

Quite the crapshoot, no?

^ Quite the crapshoot, no?
Yes, but you can see how her sisters, mother, or aunts fared if she has any, and if not, be ready to be her workout partner once the kid is out; still a better alternative than having some gal with many miles on her. ;-)

My mother and sister are both 5’11 and waiflike. My mom had three kids and not a stretch mark one.

The bitch

Surprise! Didn’t get those genes!

I am pleased to know that you would not divorce your wife if she had a “deflated balloon” belly and a few hormone pounds after pregnancy.

I have four sisters and none of them are any indication of how I looked after the birth of my son, so keep living in your little fantasy land.

^ [...so keep living in your little fantasy land.
That would be preferable than wishing every woman who has a child to look to’ up from the fl’ up because it will leave them all equally out of shape and maybe unattractive.

Oy.

@Hypocrisy_Central makes me more sure of my choice to be on my own. In my case, it is a choice. Sounds like he’s on his own because of his incredible personable behaviour towards women.

Lol. I’m a guy but I won’t date a guy that’s detail-ish like that, neither.

@wsxwh111 with all those specifics, he’d better look a damn sight more like Brad Pitt than Bela Lugosi, but from his posts, I get a definite ‘Lugosi-vibe’. (My Double-Standards Girl boots are on.)

[..with all those specifics, he’d better look a damn sight more like Brad Pitt than Bela Lugosi,..]
If you have a big enough MBA (Massive Bank Account), you can look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and hook a top-of-the-line woman (looks wise).

And how big, exactly, is your bank account?

^ If i told you, I’d have to kill you, very privileged info reserved for who “she” will be, but if I am around long enough, you might learn of it ~~~ Har har.

Besides, don’t most women here care only about his smile and personality? He could be as broke a three church mice and it will not make a difference.

I have no idea what most women like. I like my significant others to be intelligent, creative, empathic, and liberal.

But feel free to leave me in your will. If you are rich, you’re probably the closest thing to an annoying rich uncle I’ve got. We’ve certainly been aggravating each other long enough. Haha.

^ Oh, maybe not the will, but I would certainly break you off something (that is a good thing by the way), you have been through a lot, of which I won’t tell you I prayed over…oops, cat’s out the bag, I look and lurk on things posted here.

I honestly don’t care what you talk to your god about, Hypo… it doesn’t exactly have the holy-water-on-vampire effect. And as always I appreciate kind thoughts.

He’s intelligent, funny, creative, has a strong social conscience, is self-confident and has good self-esteem. He isn’t resentful, jealous or threatened by successful women. He is tall, has a good libido, likes to travel and is open to new experiences in many areas of his life. Oh! He’s my husband! I must have chosen well.

He would be hot, ripped, intelligent, hot, funny, not the least bit concerned with his orgasms, only concerned about mine, hot, hard working.

Actually, I am only really concerned with three of the above. It is so interesting that the men list physical traits before intellectual traits or personality.

@Dutchess_III Perhaps you should read the question. I don’t recall writing about any physical attributes when I described mine. You still seem to have a thing for hating on guys. Sure eye candy is nice but deep down… men just want to be appreciated.

True and that’s nice @ARE_you_kidding_me. But the only other two men that answered listed strictly physical appearance.

^ But the only other two men that answered listed strictly physical appearance.
I think you missed some attributes that have no physical manifestation.