@janbb has a very good answer. It’s a long road to happiness after an abusive relationship. However, you can take gradual steps starting now that will lead you to happiness.
First of all, be glad that you left this guy. It’s very hard to leave an abusive relationship for a number of reasons. Abusers usually do things to hurt your independence- like pushing friends and family out of your life, undermining your self-esteem, or making you financially dependent on them.
At this point, the thing to focus on is staying away from your abuser and building up your independence. Both of these are intertwined and they’re not easy. The point of an abusive relationship is to make you think you can’t be on your own.
I left an abusive relationship two years ago. At that point I was totally lost and hadn’t talked to my friends in a really long time. The first thing I did was to call an old friend who I hadn’t talked to in a long time. We ordered a pizza at her place and talked for a couple hours, and it was such a huge relief.
If you have friends/ family who have dropped off the radar during your relationship, reach out to them. They probably have been worried and wanting to hear from you. Your project over the next several years is to gradually strengthen these relationships while staying single.
Many people above said to seek therapy- that is also very, very important. Google “crisis line+ (your area)” and then call the phone number that comes up. They will be able to refer you to pro-bono therapists specializing in domestic violence. It could also be very helpful to join a support group for abuse survivors. You will meet other women who have been through the same thing, which will help you feel stronger and stay away from your abuser.
Make an inventory of all the things you have going for you. At the very least, you have successfully gotten away from your abuser. You can start the list with that. Think about your special skills, interests, relationships, etc. Even if there is not much on the list at this point, these will be the seeds of the new life you are going to build. For instance, if you used to paint, now would be a good time to sign up for an art class. Or if you love to read, you can immerse yourself in a great new book.
Think about new things you would like to try also. Whether it’s a new career, travel, learning to dance, sailing lessons, whatever- just brainstorm a bunch of ideas. This will give you hope for positive things that have nothing to do with going back to that guy. And also, you can start looking into them and doing them. When you get a little further along, think about what you can contribute to the world to help others, and start pursuing that.
Try to get to somewhere safe. Whether it’s a friend’s house, a family’s house, or renting a new place, go somewhere that has nothing to do with your abuser. (Also, thinking of him as “your abuser” instead of “hisname” or “your ex” will help you avoid the temptation to go back to him.) Make your new home safe and comfortable; delete all of that guy’s contact info and block him on social media.
While you’re doing all this, take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and exercise; eat healthy meals, and spend some time outside. In the weeks after leaving my abusive relationship, I started learning how to cook and went on a lot of long walks in a local nature preserve.
Gradually, once you start feeling a little better, you can begin to get out there and make new friends. Having a strong network of friends and family is so immensely helpful. Stay away from guys for as long as it takes; strengthen your ties to friends and family and the local community. You may also want to read up on limerence and codependency, which I think lead people to choose relationships that they shouldn’t be in.
Doing all these steps will be an ongoing process. You can do them a little bit at a time, as many times as it takes. In the mean time, try to look for little bits of happiness where ever you can find them. The day after I left my relationship, I sat outside and ate an apple. That was, like, the nicest thing that happened to me that day and the best I could do at that point. But keep going- if I did it, you can do it to. And stay the fuck away from that guy!!!!!