The younger woman thing- How much do you think that stereotype is driven by male desire and how much do you believe is driven by female expectations?

Both sexes have fallen for the stereotype. Ignore them all and go with your gut.

The biological imperative is selecting the mate most fit to produce fit offspring.
That usually means the younger specimen, and thus genetically dictated instinct drives humans toward that.

Both genders are swayed by evolution. Men are attracted to younger women because they’re more fertile and best able to carry a child, give birth to a healthy baby, and raise their families. Women want men who can provide for them and their offspring.

Probably male desire and ego over female security needs/wants, but not by much. I have heard the perfect woman for a man is one that is half his age plus 7 years.

I’ve seen all kinds of combos but often men do seem to go with women who are 10 -12 years younger. It’s problematic for me as a very active, fit sexagenarian who doesn’t want to date a geezer in his 70s. I seem to mainly be dating men (not very many of them) who are about 7 or 8 years younger than me.

My advice would be to ask out women that you really like and not worry about age stereotypes.

Women really need to consider the unavoidable passing of time. Men generally age more quickly than women and have shorter life expectancies. When a 30-year-old woman marries a man who’s age 47, the difference isn’t significant; they’re both active and energetic. By the time she’s 60, however, she’ll still be young and in great health, but age 77 is quite old for a man.

Ditto what @Love_my_doggie said. It’s all instinct. However, as thinking humans we are able rise above our base instincts. It’s morally reprehensible, to me anyway, for a man or woman to date and make love to a person who is the same age as their children…which is right where your formula would put that man @kritiper. Probably nothing wrong with it in an evolutionary sense, but it still bothers me.

Yeah, except that “magic age” only lasts for 12 month…

It all depends on the people.

My husband and I are 16 years apart.

He is, 45, healthy and active – his only health issue is asthma, which he was born with. His family is all long-lived – his war hero grandfather passed away at 89. His grandmother is still alive at 92 and makes breakfast for 15 people every morning, just because she likes the company.

I’ll be 30 next month. I have no living grandparents. My father was orphaned at five years old, and my mother’s father died of a heart attack at 46.

Age alone is no guarantee of health and happiness.

I met the wife 23yrs ago, she’s 2½yrs older than me. She got & kept her younger man.
She wasn’t actively seeking it that way, nor was I, we just fancied the arse off each other regardless of who was younger or whatever.

Assure the well-intentioned that you are fine. They are saying that, thinking that you want children. If so, listen to them, go for like-minded. If, however, it doesn’t fit your inclinations, then drop this age stuff. A lot is written about the subject, but most of it is either generalizations made on observations, or they are in such a relationship and are doing a “hey, lookit me!”
Relax. You are the most important part of the equasion. It sounds as though you are open to seeing someone, regardless of how many candles on their cake.
Some ladies feelings of ‘les affairs’- ahhh, give me wealthy with no young kids! And a villa in Monte Carlo. -They are often looking to say that they have met ‘successful-man!!!’ Another ‘lookit me!!’
Decide on what type of girl you’re drawn to and go from there. Caring/giving, homemaker/working oriented, risk-taker/status quo, talker/quiet, social/low key, motherer/ self reliant, even-sharing/strictly role oriented, firery/meek, wants/needs, reader/tv, independent/constant-closeness, humorous/uh…not. Do you want real or someone who has been reading things on what You should be? Plain and simple Jane /Barbie/blow up doll.(don’t laugh, it happens!)
If you are attracted- go after what you want! Persistence pays off.
Are you in a rush? Go to a reputable dating site, not Daytz-r-Us.
You are reading and zeroing in on one factor. Stop it. Look at the person.
If your life were a work related meeting that lasts a loooong time, who do you want to be sitting beside, how about when you do a break-out skull session, or buying break beverages, or knows how to fix the boss’s phone so they constantly have to leave the room to answer?
Or who doodles while listening?
Look at someone who will sit and talk to you- even if it’s raining, and (oh no!) the creeks are rising, and whom you trust to say- let’s talk while we head to higher ground…
Be yourself. Look around, and remember there are potential friends there also. Starting as friends works too.
Oh, and for your sake: if she’s married/ serious/ living with, and still wants to try things with you….don’t walk. Run! Run like wind! Baggage and strife plus drama may be her mainstay.
No, no, bad dog! Keep going.
You’ll find the one. Relax and be you.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought It’s good to see you again!

I don’t think he’s having a problem personally. He was just wondering what the deal is.

This happens in movies all the time. The onscreen couple will have a significant age gap, but the story treats them as a standard everycouple. It’s like this bullshit social contract that we’ve all collectively bought into.

I’m 28 and usually attracted to men who are at least 10 years older. My feelings about this are complicated.

Some May December marriages work very well.
I dated a 49 year old and I am 66 years old but look much younger for my age due to good health habits and DNA genes ( I guess).
The male could not meet the younger womens expectations nor could he fit into there “lingo”..as he preferred intelligent discussion, not too say that there isn’t in some younger women too.
Also the Younger generation will “not put up with” what amounts to ‘parent/ child” relationships where one ( usually the older one) takes on a parental role ?
( not always).
This gentleman that I dated was old fashioned and therfore could not find a compatible mate that “he” imagined.
Eventually after almost two years he moved to another country to teach for a couple of years as was his goal all along…I did not begrudge him for going after his goals as I have a few of my own to complete as yet..so we remain distant friends.
“he is like a ping pong ball bouncing all ocver the world and I need someone more into the relationship, sharing and giving and taking in equal measure. Unfortunately he was all into himself…so even at 50 yrs of age he is still learning about relationships.

An ex-girlfriend/friend of mine recently told me that I’m at a disadvantageous age for dating because the girls my age want 30 year old guys and the girls younger than me what guys their own age or barely older. I’m 25. It’s stupid.

@Banjo_Pickin_Appalachian_Wizar
Not everyone thinks like that!
I am sure whatever age category that you pursue that their is one or two that is meant for you.
May Dec relationships do work for some.
It is the characteristics and commonality and what that other person makes you become and feel that make the relationship .
Gauge how “You” feel when in the presence of the other person…a good sign of being on the right track.
Note: After seven months in a relationship reality hits and at that time is when a breakup occurs or it continues to grow.

@Inspired_2write, ”Also the Younger generation will “not put up with” what amounts to ‘parent/ child” relationships where one ( usually the older one) takes on a parental role” You totally lost me there. What kind of partnership is built around a child/parent kind of foundation? I would lay my husband out (verbally) if he tried to treat me like a child, or if I had to act like his mother!

@Dutchess_III It’s not unusual for a young woman, with little life experience, to marry an older, domineering, and paternalistic man. For a while, it all seems nice and happy. Over time, however, such marriages implode. The “little girl” grows up and finds her adult self, and she rebels against the parent-child dynamics. The husband is left wondering what the heck happened to his wife, and who is this stranger who has taken her place?

I can understand that happening in some dysfunctional situations, especially with 20 something girls hooking up with 60-something, well-off guys, but @Inspired_2write mentioned it like it’s the norm, or what the guy was looking for or something. However, at 66 she would have been the “older” person taking on the parenting (mother,) role for a 49 year old.

In it’s entirety the paragraph read, ”The male could not meet the younger womens expectations nor could he fit into there “lingo”..as he preferred intelligent discussion, not too say that there isn’t in some younger women too.
Also the Younger generation will “not put up with” what amounts to ‘parent/ child” relationships where one ( usually the older one) takes on a parental role ?

She has just left me confused.

@Dutchess_III Yes, the post was a bit confusing. “Parent/child” relationships aren’t unique to older generations, and they won’t magically stop with Millennials.

One of my friends put himself through college by working in a formal menswear shop, where he provided services to many engaged couples. He was always amazed by how often, and how regularly, he encountered those sorts of relationships.

The age disparity was never as vast as 20-years-old and 60-years-old, and there were no Gold Diggers and Sugar Daddies. It was usually an age 20 or 21 bride, just beginning her adult life, paired with a more experienced guy in his late-20s or early-30s. It’s scary for a young lady – a recent college graduate – to leap out into the world on her own, especially if her background is small-town or otherwise sheltered. It can be nice to have an older, knowing mentor.

But, the passing of time can’t be denied, and the “little girl” will blossom. So, the childlike wife matures into a woman, and the husband gets a stranger who looks like the gal he’d married.

I just don’t know what a couple from literally two different generations could have in common, you know? However, when I was in my early 20s my Dad married a woman who was only 8 years older than me. Her name is Kathy. It wasn’t a parent/child relationship. It was very much a regular relationship where each contributed whatever.
Dad had money, his new wife enjoyed the cooking and cleaning and nurturing and catering to him. But she wasn’t a wimp. Ha! Once my sister and I traveled to Georgia to visit them. We were all on their back patio having drinks. At one point Kathy picked up her empty drink, tipped it slightly and tapped it on the patio table in an arrogant command for my father to fix her another drink! My sister and I just died! We knew instantly that she was getting back at him for treating her like a maid, because that arrogant tapping of the glass is exactly the kind of thing he would do. That behavior is what drove my mom absolutely bonkers. That and the fact that she was probably severely depressed all of her live, but it wasn’t acknowledged then.
Best part was, he meekly went and fixed her a drink. My sister and I just giggled!
I guess they had a great relationship. He died 10 years ago, and Kathy was, and still is, just devastated. She says he was her best friend.

She’s changed since then though..she’s much more open and nice and much less uppity and judgmental than she was when she was with my Dad.

People from different “generations” can have many things in common. My husband was born in the early 70s. So, an early Gen X-er. I was born in the mid-80s. I’m not quite what people are talking about when they say “Millennial”. But, looking at other people my age, I might have been.

Still, both of us grew up without cable TV (for the most part) and both had Betamax players. We both know that Han shot (he did not shoot “first” – Greedo never got a chance to fire).

We both had favourite albums in our dad’s record collection and learned how to handle vinyl with care way before we ever owned a CD player (and certainly before getting into MP3s). We both have strong feelings on who the best vocalists of Iron Maiden and AC/DC are.

We both played Dungeons and Dragons with our friends and read the same fantasy novels and comic books.

We remember coming home for dinner when the street lights came on, because “car phones” were only a thing owned by characters on Hawaii 5–0 (or in his case, still science-fiction).

We both played with Apple Computers in school – but only if our work was all done and we were well-behaved all week.

There are major differences, sure. He did his school papers on a Word Processor and researched them with a card catalogue, while I was the first round of kids who had to learn how to cite websites in APA format. He got to see Star Wars in the theatre and I had the FOX Video release. Whatever.

We’re both alive, currently, in 2015. So we have this year in common, and every year back to 1985. That’s plenty of “in common” life experience.

As you have shown, it certainly can work! My dad and his wife worked.

Sometimes it gives me pause to know that my dad’s wife is the same age as my husband….

There are only 8 years of difference between my husband and me. But there are still nuances there that show that we went through the women’s liberation movement in the late 60’s and early 70’s at different points in our development.

Oh, sure. I don’t “get” a lot of TV references, and he’s seen a lot of movies I haven’t. He also didn’t see all the great kids’ television of the early 90s, because he was already an adult by then. That’s fine though, Ian gets to teach him all about Pokemon and Power Rangers. I already speak the language. Haha.