What went wrong between me and my (former) crush?

It’s not worth trying to figure him out at this point. There’s nothing to be gained by ruminating on his mixed signals – if there were some. His message is clear now. Let it go.

Yeah, I’m not seeing mixed anything. He blocked you on Facebook and told you to leave him alone.

Respect his wishes and leave him alone. Any further contact with him would constitute harassment.

What went wrong was that you assumed way more than the situation warranted. He read your responses as being pretty anxious and desperate. Take it easy next time.

But he’s made himself clear and wants nothing to do with you.

Move on already. There are plenty of other fish in the ocean.

In the future, allow him (a different him) to do the pursuing and make his intentions clear. No matter how much of a crush you may have, if you come off as desperate, that puts an automatic damper on things.

You’ve got plenty of other guys around and plenty of time. Just let things develop naturally and relax already. Guys hate dealing with a vibe reeking of desperation.

You were the first to publicly post something (the program’s Facebook page, really?) about your feelings, so it is no surprise that he went public with his to the detachment.

You know what went wrong. You liked him, you were wishing he liked you, and you bent every tiny scrap of evidence that supported your fantasy and ignored every bit of evidence that didn’t, and as a result, you acted inappropriately.

His being shirtless: irrelevant.
His erratic behavior: who knows. He could have been taking steroids. He could be bipolar too. He could just be a moody guy,

But he wasn’t that into you. Forget him. Forget the situation and move on with your life. He doesn’t want you to contact him.

You’ve got enough going on in your life already without worrying about a guy. You’ve got a lot of good advice here. Stay in therapy, stay on your meds, and let the embarrassment of this blow over. If you miss ROTC you might want to look into Civil Air Patrol. It did wonders for my daughter.

Your choices are to either do what he wants, and leave him alone, or to stalk him.
What did you do wrong? Some guys don’t like aggressive women. That is my guess.

I never intended to act aggressively toward him, nor did I continue to pursue him after what occurred between us. I stated that I refrained from touching him further after I saw him appear uncomfortable and only wanted to clarify the misunderstanding between us in a civil way. He and I have since parted ways and I have no interest whatsoever in establishing any form of a relationship with him (which at this point is not even a possibility).

Yes, I did fantasize about him and perhaps distorted the truth to better accomodate to my desires, but I have not stalked this person or much less planned on doing so. I do not have any feelings for him as of now (hence “former crush”) and know my well of my boundaries. Needless to say, I also do not want any legal troubles to be placed upon me or to allow any new issues to arise. All I simply wanted was an explanation for his behavior so that I could stop ruminating over something that happened so long ago.

Thank you to everyone whom has responded. I appreciate it and you words are precisely what I needed to hear, but I simply want to assert that he and I are not on speaking terms, nor will we ever be. I got the message quite a long time ago that he does not feel anything for me, but needed these responses to confirm the truth I was refusing to acknowledge.

Please do not assume I wish to harrass him by approaching him again. He is not worth it and I am certain that I deserve better. I simply cannot be so desperate when it comes to men and give of my heart so freely to the first stranger who comes along.

You should read up on limerence- the kind of anxious, obsessive crush where the person is on your mind all the time and you have the butterflies around them. It’s a rollercoaster ride that feeds off uncertainty. If you feel like the person returns your feelings, you’re walking on air. But if things don’t go well, you’re in the pits of despair.

In many people, it comes from the desire to fill some perceived hole in your life- feeling lonely or unfulfilled in other areas and feeling like this person will magically make things better.

As @marinelife said, you interpreted tiny signs to make a case that this person felt the same way. A lot of the stuff you described sounds random and unintentional. Feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means that you have some stuff to figure out. Like, if it keeps happening, why does it keep happening?

I don’t know if there’s a “cure” for it, but you can manage it by building security in other areas of your life. Strengthen your relationships with friends and family, cultivate your interests, focus on your career- spend time on anything you find fulfilling, that is NOT obsessing over a guy. If it happens again, do your best to refrain from contacting them. If they’re interested, they’ll let you know. I got through a recent bout of this by texting a female friend or relative any time I felt like texting the guy. Not to talk about him, but to talk to them.

It sounds like you crossed the line and behaved inappropriately toward him, because you were hoping so much that he felt the same way. Having an obsessive crush on someone can feel almost addictive- but that doesn’t make it okay to make someone else uncomfortable. It’s a good lesson for next time. Luckily, crushes like this get smaller and easier to deal with each time- especially when you recognize that it’s not about them at all, and you gain tools to deal with it.

It seems that “he” wants to be in control “not” you?
HE wants to decide and to pursue.
Once he stated to leave him alone…you should had left him alone..for good!
Some men like to play cat and mouse, then make the woman ‘chase’ them.

Don’t fall for that..if he can’t be honest and upfront or even YOU for that matter…then this relationship is built on “games”./immaturity.

Do not chase after by apologizing etc.
I knew a bachelor of whom has several BUNDLES of letters from women who wrote notes of ‘sorry’ and “I want You” etc only too be spurrned and letters kept as badges of honour and to feed his ego to show others “how much he is desired” by women all around the world?
By the way he regularly showed these letters to “everyone“plus indiscriminate photos of them too!

(immature).( he is 50 years of age and still plays these games.

I fortunately saw into that game and have not sent a “love letter” etc
I require a more mature relationship.