If there is love at first sight, how could a deal breaker change that?

I do believe that there is a certain amount of information we can get about a person from our first impression. It would be interesting to run an experiment to see how well we can guess things like political affiliation and religious beliefs. That being said, the conclusions we draw are not necessarily correct. Love at first sight does sometimes occur and lead to marriage, but I suspect that more often it turns out to be a false signal. The book The Road Less Traveled, which I think you would find consistent with your beliefs, dismisses the idea of love at first sight, and talks about the effort that must go into sustaining a long term relationship.

The instinct to identify a potential for reproduction is different from an emotional need to bond. Usually when a relationship has not been established, lust often creates the illusion of love. Sexual encounters do afford opportunities to form lasting relationships and budding relationships arising from emotional needs often lead to sexual activities. Initially it is difficult to determine the difference between the impulse for sex and desire for love. Illusion is gradually replaced by reality as one become more familiar with their partner. Compatibility will determine if love can mature and the relationship last.

It is my opinion that there are many forms of love, and since they all boil down to chemical activity in the brain, no one can determine at what point any person loves another.

But love can absolutely come and go, and change. Love isn’t a commitment in and of itself. It’s just an evolutionary trait that keeps us wanting to make babies and keeps us from eating them.

While reductio ad absurdum is not an acceptable formal debate tactic, sometimes I think it is a helpful tool for thought, so permit me to engage in it here.

If that college co-ed found out not only did he keep dogs, but that he was an active participant in a dogfighting ring, and the reason he got into the university despite being a bit of an airhead was that he had blackmail on the Dean, who is also a participant, it would be easier to see the “hard no” trigger pulled. Or if, instead of being “just a slob”, his dorm furniture was actually made of used pizza boxes and she actually witnessed him urinating into a beer bottle instead of going to the toilet, we can see her running for the hills without a problem.

We cannot determine for other people what their “hard no” is. Mine has always been tobacco use. I find it vile and revolting, and there have been people that I have found myself attracted to (a feat in itself) that flipped the switch by pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

I have never felt true love with a woman I am dating for at least 2 months into the relationship. Love to me takes time to develop that trust with a person to where you know your feelings for them are the real deal to where when you say I love you it is reflective of you actually being in love with that person.

To me that “wow factor” you feel when you meet someone you are very attracted to is more lust at first sight. So if shortly there after you find out this person has some issues that are this so called “deal breaker” you can pretty much chalk it up to you really were not in love.

There is love at first sight like the flow of electrons through a circuit when the switch is thrown, similar to being hit with a bolt of lightning. I have experienced it. It’s magical. It’s electric. It’s stupefying. Maybe there is a certain amount of lust involved. But it is real and it gets your attention! A “deal breaker” can’t change that unless the love wasn’t the kind of unbreakable, undeniable love that comes from real, honest-to-goodness “love.” And there are many different kinds of love, real and imagined, etc.

That word “LOVE” is another one of those creatures of slippery definitions, and everyone’s perception of the lines between attraction, love and obsession will be different. Attraction at first sight just doesn’t sell diamonds, flowers or greeting cards. No deal breakers? To me that’s just plain obsession. It’s a battered and beaten woman lying on a stretcher murmuring “I can’t bear to be without him”. But the argument can be made that her claim is just about as rational as the other 2 stages. I suppose it’s like water. I mean there’s ice and steam. If only “love” had fixed points on a scale of transitions. Come to think of it, that brings up a really good question.

@LostInParadise That being said, the conclusions we draw are not necessarily correct. Love at first sight does sometimes occur and lead to marriage, but I suspect that more often it turns out to be a false signal.
Doesn’t that speak more to the attraction being the ground that allows love to grow to the point one is ready to make the life commitment in marriage? If just by seeing a person you were in love, then whatever they came with you would see as manageable, or workable.

@Bill1939 Usually when a relationship has not been established, lust often creates the illusion of love.
Is not that the real crux of the biscuit? The desire to get with another is usually predicated on how they make the person who views them with an attraction feel. Toss in a sexual attraction (where it goes more than not), and one will manufacture reasons as to why they like the other person so much, or things about them, this is before ever really getting to know them.

@Seek Love isn’t a commitment in and of itself. It’s just an evolutionary trait that keeps us wanting to make babies and keeps us from eating them.
Here in the US many do not even consider procreation in their desire to get with another. The attraction to get with someone on a romantic level comes back to ones need to have access to boinking. While some can do it like playing dominoes, never needing any attachment, others feel they need some attachment in order to consider boinking someone. That attachment they say is love but it often doesn’t act like true love.