Problems within the family, how can I prevent them?
Asked by
Triozoo (
396
)
July 23rd, 2008
A father, a mother, and two older siblings.
Someone who is aggressive, a person who wants a family and two going or is in university already. I’m proud to say my father has recently quit smoking but is discourage by his constant drinking consumptions. His aggressiveness and stubbron behavior was also carried into one my brothers by heredity. Both of my parents are “old fashioned” people with strict yet common beliefs to the modern society. My fathers acts usually would lead into a argument and sometimes a physical abuse, only to extreme cases. A controling person with a narrow mind. I’ve asked my mother before to seek help but in reality I know she wouldn’t not have the emotional will to do so or the abilty to speak fluent english. Life is hard enough as is when both siblings are gone starting at the end of this summer. What should I do?
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14 Answers
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have an alcoholic brother who causes all kinds of chaos in our family.
To help others, first you must help yourself. Please go to a meeting of Alateen. It will help you understand what you can and cannot do about your father’s and brother’s behavior.
Your mother may be enabling your father’s drinking or she may feel trapped because of the language barriers you describe. Once you have gone to Alanon or Alateen, consider taking her (it can be a different meeting than you go to so you can feel free to speak about your own issues). Sit with her and translate for her. She does not have to speak. She would benefit just from listening.
Please take care of yourself. The other thing you can do is contact a social services agency if your father is abusing your Mom, but she has to be willing to get help.
Triozoo, do whatever Marina suggests. That’s my best
possible advice. I am here too if you want more.
You are up against some serious difficulties and you should not be expected to handle them alone, you’re too young. If there’s a way, I think Marina and others would agree with me that you should find a sensible adult YOU can talk with, even if you mother would not find that acceptable for herself. She has a right to her own decisions. So do you.
Whatever you do, don’t let this get too serious. Don’t let your father get the best of you and your mother. If you’re really concerned, don’t let the fact that your mother isn’t willing to do anything about it stop you from getting help. If you’re in a dangerous situation, leave the house. Take a cell phone or, if you don’t have one, go to a neighbor’s or friend’s house. From there you can proceed to call the police or contact social/child services.
I hope this situation you’re in gets better.
Ah you see, Marina came up with direct practical suggestions right before I sent you my own less defined ones. Very good suggestions. You may find it strange at these meetings for about five minutes and then you’ll find that everyone there understands exactly what you’re going
through. That in itself is surprisingly strengthening. There’s more as you continue. Good luck.
Trio, I just looked at your question again.
The direct answer is, you cannot prevent the problems in your family. What you can do is prevent them from making your life impossible. By doing that, you change the family
dynamic. Then other changes can happen too. You cannot change your parents on your own. I hope this makes sense.
My eldest brother was the whom I had cried out to, him and some others know my life story. Its not that I don’t have faith in my parents relationship it just bothers me seeing how one can turn sour in a second. My mother is the strongest woman I know out there.
All of your advice has been a great help to me, ty everyone. I understand what needs to be done or at least how to cope with it.
Keep us posted. Ask again if other things come up. Belatedly, welcome to the collective.
Good luck. I hope everything we’ve all said helps!
continue to do what your doing. Allowing people to help you when you need it and letting friends know when your hurting. Communication. Best wishs and keep your head up.
thank you to everyone who has replied, it means alot and also carried information which I wasn’t aware of.
I’ve recommended this on more than one discussion in Fluther, but it seems to be relevant here, for you and your mother to recognize the signs of abuse.
http://www.ndvh.org
Good luck.
they said it all im not sure what to add just that don’t try to change your families life just concentrate on your own you have a life ahead of you. keep us updated and im very sorry for what you have to go through it must be hard but think of the positive it might help you in you future….maybe make you stronger or know not to have that kind of life….no offense whatsoever, i can sort of relate to your problem just not the abusing part.
I try not to stay at my parents’ house for more than three night in a row. (I live out of state.)
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