What do you want Santa to bring you this year?

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A disappeared friend back. I’ve been waiting for him for so long and haven’t been able to contact him yet.

All the children he stole.

A democratic president and a democratic congress.

Santa brought me a car and a bunch of tools. Santa and I are good.

Measuring spoons and a long neck funnel.

Fewer funerals and hospitalizations. And a good fruitcake

New jobs for my wife and I as we are both soon to be jobless.

My needs are simple.

One forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.

I’ve been a good girl this year. Santa has got me some Ferrero Rochers and a sleeveless gilet. He may have had some help getting these…

I throw mine over to @cookieman for an extra push. Hang in there!

Good health.

A sack filled with rubies, or emeralds.

A house listing that fits what my husband and I want to buy.

A mild winter in OH.

Magically clear my arteries if they are clogging.

Aww, thank @msh. Happy holidays to you.

I really fancy a particular lens and a new camera. I won’t get either (and that’s fair enough).

Other than that I don’t know. I don’t need anything. I don’t really want anything either.

I’d love to see my son.

Trump’s scalp, every single combed-over thread of it.

To get through this winter and not have to chain up.

A sack of kitty litter, a large cucumber, and personal lubricant.

What are you looking at? Move along, buddy.

^ ummm.

I’d like to be able to grocery shop without having to keep a tally of the price for each product. For once I’d like to be able to shop for groceries without worrying about the price for each item.

A gift card would be nice.

@cookieman, I’ll gladly give up my gift if it’ll help you and your wife get yours.

Just having Santa show up would be enough. That childhood Christmas magic is gone. It would be overwhelmingly terrific to get it back.

@Pachy: You’re a very nice elephant.

Another year like last year would be nice.