Ex never wanted to get married or have kids, gets engaged and has a baby a few months after break up.

I’m actually dealing with an ex situation right now. My first love and I were together for 5½ years and broke up with me (5 years ago) due to distance, military, whatever it was. As heart broken as I was I moved forward and met a potential new bf (current bf of 4 years). My ex wanted me back and it was too late, I wanted to see where things went with new guy and I was happier. He then met some girl and got engaged and married…after he told me he wasn’t sure about marriage. Fast forward 4 years later to now they’re divorced and he contacted me and we talked. He said he got married because he panicked before the deployment and figured he’d die so why not, if it was bad (and it was really bad) then get a divorce. They were married for a few years.

Point is, I wondered same thing as you. It could be for many reasons. Maybe things are different with this woman. My ex never had anyone control him or tell him what to do, some how his new ex wife was able to have him do what she wanted even though it ended badly. He never bought me flowers but he did for her. He told me he never really saw marriage but then got married. You can’t really explain human nature, you think you know someone and then they’re put in a situation and boom it happens.

I thought I wasn’t good enough for him to marry this whole time… granted I wasn’t the right one for him…he married her because of his own weird wreckless reason. If he hadn’t told me to this day I would’ve thought it was something else.

I knew for sure I was over my ex and had no feelings at all. That a simple chat would be nice to catch up. We talk two days ago first conversation in years and then I was sitting here confused and wondering what ifs…So now I’m cutting distance from him this time instead of him. People say things and mean it but then when it happens you react differently than what you thought you would

Point is…people influence people differently. I remember my ex seeing things I never did for him. I never really thought about it, it just happened. I never used to snowboard, eat vegetables, eat seafood, etc. Also, we don’t know the situations they’re in. Maybe she trapped him and he felt compelled to marry her. Maybe he saw a future with her and she’s the right one, who knows.

People change, it’s that simple, and sometimes quickly. Such is the nature of life. He didn’t do this to you, it just happened. You’ll make yourself crazy trying to figure out why. It just is what it is.

It could be for many different reasons. One is, once you broke up he might be subconsciously, or even consciously, doing some of the things that mattered a lot to you. A way of trying to make you see he was more perfect than you thought. This is bad, because it’s similar to a child doing things out of spite.

This could be his transition girl. It’s not uncommon for people to date someone after a breakup that is different in some key ways, or the relation is different in some very specific ways. This relationship usually doesn’t last.

She could have become pregnant by “accident.” Who made sure you two didn’t get preggers? Did he wear a condom every time? Or, did you make sure you didn’t be one pregnant?

Also, he’s getting older. He might be changing his mind about some things.

Another could be he just didn’t want to marry and have kids with you. I know that’s hurtful, and I’m sorry for that, but if you wanted to get married and have kids, go find yourself someone who does too. Those are two very big deals, and you shouldn’t overlook them. You two just weren’t the perfect match, it’s not really a rejection of you.

If he was a loser when it came to worth ethic. It’s likely he will be that way the rest of his life. You probably are lucky to not be with someone like that. My girlfriend married someone like that, and when they finally for divorced they has one child who they had 50/50 custody, and she has to pay her exhusband child support for over twelve years now, because he will never make as much as her, because he has never worked a full-time job, and some of the money he does make is under the table.

My guess is this new chick makes him feel better about himself, but it won’t last forever. Real life will set in, and he will eventually probably find another new girl that makes him feel better about himself.

Don’t feel used. Probably he served a purpose in your life. I imagine you has some very good times with him. Now, you know the red flags when dating someone like him. We all grow, change, and learn from relationships, and become better mates for the next person. Not getting married to the wrong one gives you a better chance of getting married to the right one.

@JLeslie – Bravo! Good answer!

@viainfested – Cheer up! You could be like my next door neighbor! Why, they got married to have a baby! They did. Now she’s taking care of two of them. The cute-ish little one (Squint! to see it.) And the big one she married.
Lucky, lucky girl!
It shows on her face all the time!
You dodged that bullet!
Celebrate and listen to JLeslie.

You can speculate until the cows come home and still never guess correctly, when it comes to trying to figure out people and why they do what they do. My suggestion is let it go. Try not to keep track of what he does. Your life will evolve and so will his. Be thankful you are no longer supporting him. Now he is someone else’s burden.

It sounds to me as if you might have gotten with your ex when you were both pretty young?

In any case, be seems to have been in a period of his life when he shunned any long term commitment be it a steady job, a formal relationship with you or (the ultimate commitment), a child. During his time with you, he grew out of it – probably without even realizing it himself.

Even if he realized he was ready for more, 3 years is a lot of baggage and a lot of crow for a VHE proponent to eat. I seriously doubt you could have evolved the relationship you had with him into a successful marriage and family life.

Don’t let it bother you. You both escaped a trap. Follow his lead and make sure your next committed relationship is on track to meet your needs and is more of an equal partnership kind of thing.

Above all, don’t beat yourself up about it. If anything he seems unworthy of you at the time. Lets hope he grew out of the joblessness the same time he started his family. If not, you’re doubly lucky.

”... he was very set about never ever getting married because it was something he didn’t believe in, he was completely against procreation, never wanted to have a baby,” with YOU!

I am sorry to be so blunt, but he was honest and told you he did not want to have a baby with you. He may have said “never with anyone” to soften the news to you, but he had you as a caretaker so why push his luck.

Really, you dodged a big bullet as @msh pointed out. While it is puzzling why he changed, be glad he is not in your life anymore and you are free to find someone that wants the same future as you.

My Ex disliked dogs, religion and Republicans. Left me after nearly 40 years and started dating a dog-owning, religious Republican. Married her last year. Go figure!

Men can really suck.

I think it goes like this. I was truly in love once before my husband and when we broke off I was really hurt. Even though it was I who broke it off, when I found out he was engaged while we were dating. Funny enough. I can remember I was crazy about him and could see myself as his wife. But looking back. I could realize that I never saw him as my husband material. There was something missing.

When I met my husband, it was love at first sight for him. For me, I found like. But as we got to know each other, I fell in love with him. It was different this time though. I didn’t only see myself as his wife, I saw him as my husband. I could see him as the father of our children. When I saw him with kids, I instantly thought he would be a great dad. The first guy didn’t strike me as being a father type. I think it was because I could see that the first guy was inconsiderate at times, and my husband was always considerate of not just me but of others as well.

Looking back, I think it comes down to choosing what your know. The first guy was nice but nothing like my dad on the compassionate scale, or he never would’ve cheated on his fiance with me or lied to me. My husband was very much like my dad in that he always went out of his way to make others feel wanted and cared for. He did try to get back with me but I blew him off because a friend said he was still engaged. It turned out to be a lie but it was too late and I shortly there after I met my husband. But the next time we bumped into each other he avoided me and looked upset. I didn’t know what to tell him. I wanted him to understand what happened but I was already in love with my husband. What could I tell him to make him understand and make it so he didn’t hurt? I wasn’t going to take him back now that I knew what I was looking for and found it. Simply put. With my husband I felt like one side of the coin and he was the other. With my ex, I felt like we were two separate coins.

So my point it that perhaps he did love you, only deep inside he always felt something was missing. We don’t always know what is missing to make true love complete until we find it. Till today, I still can’t picture the first guy as a dad. Yes, having a kid can change you but that is quite the gamble a person takes if you feel you may not be with the right person.

So don’t feel bad. He may actually have had feelings for you and simply never realized that he was against marriage and children because although he loved you, there was never that connection on his end of things.

When I was with my husband I wanted to see him raise our babies, I could see us grow old and sitting on some rocker while holding hands when we were old. I could see him nursing me when I would get sick or me nursing him when he was sick and I could trust that when he said he looked forward to getting old with me by his side, that he meant it and would honor that love for the rest of our lives. And although he said it, he really didnt have too because I just knew.

You should get down on your knees and thank God that you broke up

Maybe you guys were just not compatible for each other and he met someone that is. There are a lot of people in bad relationships but they would not admit it. Within 6 month of leaving my ex boyfriend I met my husband. We got engaged after 1 year and a half. However I dated my ex-boyfriend for 3 years and we never got enganged.

You just need to go out and find the right person.’

In the future make sure you make it clear that you are at a point in your life where you are seeking marriage and family. There is nothing wrong with that.

I think nowadays where anything goes, you have to make that clear. No it does not make you seem desperate. IT is you expressing your values up front.

The losers will run and the good guys will stick around to get to know you better and have a proper relationship.

Just move on… let it go.

It is better to break up now than to get married and get divorced 8 years later because you got married just because you wanted to.

Relax…He was not the right person for you. Also maybe after you guys broke up he came to a realisation of what exactly he was looking for and he met that soon after.

I have heard hundreds of stories like this.

Let it go.

This is one of the reasons why some people don’t agree with living together to avoid this kind of emotional baggage happening when the relationship ends.

Take your experience , tread carefully and seek the right person. Don’t be too quick to move in either.

It is like when a guy says he is not looking for anything serious what he is basically saying is ” You are not the right person for me”

Think about it and just chill . Forget him

For all you know he might end up divorced in the future. Don’t sweat it. There are many fish in the sea.

He did not do you anything. He did not love you. Maybe you were just convenient to him at that point in his life.

IT happens to all of us. We make stupid mistakes in relationships but we go along with it because we become attached to that person.