If we're hard-wired to assess every stranger for threat level, what are we asking ourselves?

I exercise every morning by power walking 2 miles. This is before sunrise. I know my senses are heightened when I’m on the street and see another person. It’s dark, so I spend some time guessing their gender. In my situation, the men would rank higher in the threat level. I also spend some time guessing what they are doing and watch their body language. I am happy to report I have never once encountered danger. Even the homeless people I pass by are harmless. In fact, they are the friendliest.

I am not sure exactly what my inner dialogue is like at these chance meetings, but I have one. I’m fairly certain I’m trying to determine my ability to defend myself, but that’s honestly all below the level of conscious thought. At the front of my mind, I’m usually deciding whether or not to greet the person. We’re friendly here, so speaking to strangers in the wee hours is not uncommon.

I fear to say the way we assess any new person in our personal space is the time and place we are in mixed with a myriad of options our cavemen/woman ancestors never had to contemplate.

In the ancient times anyone anything with a spear, club or Saber Teeth was deemed a threat. In the not so distant past 100 years ago anyone with a 3 piece suit, floofy dress and “have a good day” greeting was easily deemed a friend.

Today within seconds and with well earned trepidation, we have to decide if a suit and tie, clerical collar or tattoos and piercings are friend or foe. I have a life time of experience where neither first impressions of either are what I thought them to be.

This is really odd to me. I must be wired to trust everyone. I assume everyone is good. And this has actually only failed me a few times and I am still alive.

This constant fear some of you are going through must be crippling.

I’m sure so much of it goes on in our subconscious, that we only pay attention if it percolates up to the surface, maybe indicative of a greater threat? I really am not aware of doing this in my regular life unless one of the variables is either new or exaggerated.
When I was young and pretty I was (sensibly) wary of men in certain circumstances. Now that I am middle-aged and chubby and look like everybody’s mom, not so much. It’s a nice change.

I assess everyone I meet as a possible sexual partner.

@johnpowell You must not have a lot at stake or to lose. Although I am still very much an optimist to a fault, I have learned to not trust anyone (other than my wife and kids) and it has served me well and much better than trusting anyone who I assumed was trust worthy. I am not saying my approach to life suits anyone but me…but all I am saying is trusting people I should not have trusted has cost me dearly and never again shall I make those same mistakes. IMO trusting anyone is like believing in fairy tales and Knights in Shining Armor….it is all good until they stab you in the back.

I’m in agreement with @johnpowell. I assume people are good. Call me naive I guess.

@Cruiser : Are you saying I am poor or my family doesn’t care about me?

Even the homeless people I pass by are harmless. In fact, they are the friendliest.
Imagine that, shut the front door….and if I believed as most do (predicated on the response around here) they are creepy and dangerous. I had to GA that

How I access anyone is by location, in a rough neighborhood a well-dressed person or female would get a different assessment then in the ‘burbs where you done see as much as a tray cup from McDonalds littering the street. However the gap is not as big as one would think.

Don’t we also do this automatically while driving? Is that guy going to cut in front of me? Is that woman weaving, is that kid going too fast? Is the truck slowing down, is the taxi driver fixing to make his own lane? Is someone texting or uploading to FaceBook at 65 miles per hour? I don’t think it’s fear so much as prudent caution—and something instinctual.

Similarly, the mother of a two-year-old scans every room she enters with the child. How can we help it? People may be good and still leave a heavy glass ash tray 18 inches from the floor.

Interesting question.

I have no idea where I learned – it was way back in pre-internet days, I’m sure – the idea that one of the modern meanings of a handshake between men (never mind the ancient antecedents about determining whether the person being met had a weapon up his sleeve or not) was an internal assessment that each man might make about the other – based only upon the handshake itself, eye contact and posture – was, “Can I kill him if I need to?”

I used to enjoy shaking hands with that explicit thought in my mind, not in any kind of violent or malicious way, just “consciously” with that in mind.

These days I’ve learned alternative explicit things to keep in mind, thanks to some helpful Facebook pages (Active Self Protection and Conflict Manager, if anyone cares to look ‘em up, as well as the blogs that some writer friends of mine – former active military – post on the topic from time to time) which frequently contain curated security camera footage of “social contacts gone far wrong”, from muggings and robberies caught on camera, to street fights and outright murders caught on camera. (The ones containing heavy violence and murders are delivered with plenty of upfront warnings: these are not “shock” sites, but even horrible tragedies can contain lessons for those of us who care to learn them.)

So I’ve become “conscious” in ways that I never before felt a need to be, about who is around me, the interactions between others when there are multiple people around, what others are doing and where they seem to be going, rate of travel speed, the potential for ambush, lighting and shadows, etc. In other words, “general threat assessment”. I don’t feel “scared” as a rule, but I am respectful of risk. (I won’t say that “I never get the wind up”, but I’m not often surprised, anyway.)

As others have stated, my default position on people is to assume that they mean me no harm. “I’m Okay; You’re Okay.” After all, I travel in and visit generally “safe” places, and everyone I know is “safe”, to the extent that I can tell. But I don’t do that blindly or unconsciously any more. I look, and I do assess, and not just for myself. I also look around to assess potential threat to others, whether I know them or not. So when I make those routine assessments I have, in fact, made explicit decisions about the “others” that I see.

On the other hand, I don’t feel “hunted” in any way. I’m getting older, but I do not move feebly, or with my head down (or in the clouds), and I generally keep my phone in my pocket – and my hands out of my pockets – while I’m out and about. I don’t feel like a sheep, more like a sheepdog getting along in years. I’m not looking for a fight, but I can still bite.

As to your specific questions, since I live and travel in mixed-race areas, even though my workplace is “mostly white”, I’m not highly conscious of different ethnicities, and certainly not bothered by them. I’m more aware and alert to age and activity. I don’t mind young people, unless they’re strolling across a busy street, for example, in a way that is likely to block traffic – or get one of them hurt if the driver doesn’t see them in time – or parked across the street from my house for longer than is necessary (I live across from a T-intersection on a moderately busy road), or wandering with apparent aimlessness, for example, in a place where others are moving more purposefully – or not moving at all, when that seems inappropriate. I’m always “just looking”, anyway. If I consider any other explicit markers that I look out for, I’ll try to get back here.

Part of my “problem”, I guess, is that I spend so much time in “safe”, that I don’t really have a basis for comparison – other than the videos that I watch from time to time – to “spot the unsafe condition”. But I’m more aware of where those places might be now.

@Jeruba :: This seems to be more of a crossing the street when a black teenager is walking towards you (my mother does this, and she voted for Obama twice).

Driving is sort of all inclusive. I assume all drivers will do the worst possible thing at the worst possible time and I prepare for that.

But that homeless guy.. He has never stole my wallet.

I’m with @johnpowell. Yes, I am more watchful if I’m alone in a “bad” neighborhood or walking in a city at night but otherwise, I assume most people are benign and generally say “hi” when I pass them. In fact, I’ll sometimes say “hi” to someone I might feel a little threatened by in order to “disarm” them and myself. Other than a few dates that went awry when I was younger, I haven’t been harmed.

I disagree with the premise. I am not hard-wired to assess every stranger for threat level. I don’t view someone as a threat unless they do something threatening.

There is a difference between driving with everyone being viewed as a threat, and driving defensively. If you drive perceiving others as a threat, then you will be driving erratically as you try to avoid any and all. If you drive defensively, you are aware and cautious, but also flowing predictably with the traffic.

I don’t really do this. I live in such a heterogeneous environment that it wouldn’t make any sense. If I lived in a place where most people looked like me, maybe I would constantly be assessing “others” as threats. But under the circumstances, everyone looks like me, in the sense that we are all different. So I don’t feel that otherness at all. It would be hard to leave my apartment otherwise.

Should I fight ‘em, fuck ‘em, or friend ‘em?

Depends on the surroundings.

If I am in an area I am comfortable in, no, not usually. If a person stands out for some reason, then yes but otherwise I am fairly trusting.

If I am not comfortable then I view everyone with an eye for potential threats.

Don’t discriminate. You can’t trust ANYONE!

If I’m with people, I don’t constantly assess others for potential threat levels, but I do keep an eye out for any behavior that heavily goes against social norms regarding manners. I think it’s indicative of how self-aware they are of their own behavior, and also indicative of how respectful they are of the people around them. It doesn’t mean they’re dangerous, but it does mean that they (if they’re yelling on a train, for example) don’t care about what they’re forcing others to endure.

That said, if I’m alone, out and about – especially at night – I become extremely cautious of every male. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m paranoid that any one of them could attack or rape me, but I become far, far more cautious. Why? I don’t think it was because of instinct, I think it was because of the kind of experiences I’ve had. I have had so many downright scary experiences that I feel I would be a complete idiot to disregard them.

Things that are huge warning signs for me are whether or not men (or people in general) aren’t respecting my personal space. They can be dressed nice, be any race, be extremely polite, smile (etc.), but none of that means anything if you’re not aware of the fact that you shouldn’t be standing quite so close to me. Staring without any other move to make conversation makes me paranoid – especially if you’ve been caught staring by me and you don’t even bother smiling after that. Walking behind me, if you’re pretty close? Nope. I’ll stop and make sure to remain stopped until you pass me. A group of guys (more than one) approaching me at night while I’m alone. Hell no. Actively pressuring me to give you my number when I’ve already told you “no” multiple times? Warning sign.

A general lack of respect for my personal space, or as a human being in general, basically, is what raises giant flags for me. But, again… I have had very, very negative experiences with a lot of strangers (men) in public streets. So, paranoid/cautious or not, I’m more than okay to be this way.

When there’s no choice but to be physically close to strangers, standing in line, riding a lift/elevator etc, I have only one instinct…please no one fart!

@Jeruba, did you mean consciously? As I said, I’m pretty sure we all do this on a subconscious level, but I think we’d all go mad if all of our assessments about our immediate surroundings were done consciously.

I think it come from experience more than being ‘hard wired’ but when I get on a bus I always scan the passengers before choosing a seat. Your choice could be misinterpreted in countless ways. I pick a seat with empty space around it as far as possible and I try to avoid sitting next to people who might get the wrong idea and individuals who appear drunk or deranged. You get all sorts on a bus but people nearly always keep themselves to themselves or are helpful in one way or another. It is a public space and the threat level is low.

@johnpowell I didn’t mean to imply that because you trust almost everyone in your life that you cannot be loved by your family or that you are poor. Trust is not predicated on value or cost to where the more value or cost something has that then the people involved should be less trusted. It is in those situations IMO where it will require more trust and an implicit trust that others involved will preserve instead of harm that value.

“Trust by definition is”: “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence”

Now think for a moment about all the people directly involved in your life, family, friends, coworkers etc. then additionally think about your neighbors, clergymen, politicians, doctors lawyers, airline pilots, policemen, other drivers on the road, salesmen, manufacturers, people you interact with on the internet, so on and so on and hold them all up against that definition above and I have to think there are more than a handful of examples in your life where they have at some point breached a certain level of trust you may have had in them.

Sad to say I can easily come up with a hundred examples of when the trust I had in someone was broken and if I really think about it I could triple that number. Yes there was a time in my life where I had 100% trust in everyone around me, but I quickly learned that if I was to go through life not being as you say crippled by expectation of being screwed over or at the minimum disappointed by people in my life, I simply had to lower my expectations.

So when I say I don’t trust anyone it is by the metric of the definition of trust above because IMHO there is not anyone, including myself who can not at some point fail to meet those metrics of trust 100% of the time.

@DrasticDreamer

“Things that are huge warning signs for me are whether or not men (or people in general) aren’t respecting my personal space.”

Do you carry any personal-space enforcement?

@canidmajor, thanks for asking for clarification. Yes, I meant (mostly) unconsciously, which is what I intended to indicate by “hard-wired,” “automatically,” and “snap judgments.” I could have been more explicit. Sorry.

I also referred to strangers. I don’t assume that most of us have to be on constant guard with family, friends, and associates, although some of us do.

I know I’m much more alert to my surroundings (including people) at a downtown trolley stop than I am in a doctor’s waiting room, and more so in a parking lot than in the office building that it serves, although there’s typically nothing to bar the same person from entering both spaces.

The intent of my question was to bring unconscious behavior to conscious awareness and take a look at it, just for a moment. Then back to business as usual.

I think a really good example of this is driving. I have been driving for 45 years and one day my daughter asked me why she needed to be so aware and I didn’t. I discussed with her things about how much information we can process subconsciously with training and our supercomputer brains, but how her brain is still collecting all of the relevant data that will then be stored for future use in determining various courses of action.
I make decisions quickly (big and small) and my sister used to say that I justified my “whims” after the fact. (She is a mean sister. :-p). I always figured that the conscious mind was just so much slower, I explain them after the fact. As you said, take the subconscious out for a turn around the block, then tuck it away again.

And I make good decisions. Much to my sister’s dismay.

@Jeruba Your comment of bringing the subconscious thought process to the conscious level made me recall a fascinating book called Blink that explored how ‘man’ is wired to make a very complete “snap” judgement of a stranger within fractions of a second of first meeting someone.

Briefly, they showed videos of random people and had subjects rate them from a degree of nice to not nice. Then the same videos without sound and rate them. Then they showed only 2 second snippets with no sound and the results showed people rated the random strangers the same on the 2 sec clips as they did when they rated the longer versions with sound. Fascinating read on first impressions.

I think many people don’t do this, or not much. I used to have a habit of doing it a lot, which I’ve been able to let go of. For me, it comes from playing combat games starting in childhood. I think my pattern is pretty different from the way other people scan for danger.

Having learned a lot about reading people in other ways, I usually do that instead of my previous analytical tactical scans. Before I would assess the terrain, attributes, weapons, escape routes, good and bad tactical positions, and try to identify people who seemed like they might ever be hostile. Now I either don’t pay so much attention, or usually don’t think about it explicitly, but instead I tend to scan a whole room for how people are being – more the impression of how everyone’s being is, and not for tactical reasons unless/until the rare occasion anything actually looks like it might warrant any concern.

It depends a lot on the setting, though. I spend less time going places where there are many crazy, violent or immature adults. When I do scan about, I mostly find the people around me are not at all oriented towards any kind of violence, and/or seem relatively sane and calm and not up to anything that’s a problem.

If I were in someplace with more desperate and violent and/or crazy people, I’d probably be scanning a lot more. My signs are not so much the demographic data suggested in the question, but have to do with their body language and attention and what they seem to be doing and how they’re doing it, as well as whether there is any indication they might ever be aggressive, or not. Size and gender and culture and clothing can play a part, but not directly – they’re just part of the whole picture of what people are about. I do still try to model some sort of understanding of what the people are around me are like, more out of interest than out of concern.

@Zaku

“I spend less time going places where there are many crazy, violent or immature adults.”

Did you used to go to such places?

Have you ever been to a Raiders’ game, a soccer match, or a Trump rally?

@Brian1946 I think I read something once about the unspoken rule in American society being something like 1 to 2 feet. Anything closer than that (when dealing with strangers, not people we know) and most of us start to get pretty uncomfortable.

@Brian1946 Yes, I did much more often, in days past. Certain cities, places, events, communities, families, etc which I now don’t generally go near. Been threatened by at least my share, though not in a long time, unless you count a certain psychopathic stalker ex. I have been near a Raiders game after the crowd got out, and the fans leaving the game were stopping their cars to threaten each other. No plans on going to Trump rallies or sports where fans have been known to behead the ref.

I think your suggested questions are more complicated than what is actually happening. If the stranger is different in any way than what you are used to, the question is simple: “Is this person a threat?” Any unfamiliarity in physique or behaviour can set this off. It’s a good thing. It’s also a good thing to be aware of it and know when to stand down. In polite company, for instance.