Invasion of privacy. How should I deal with this situation?

I think I would just let it go, but never let him take care of your aquariums again.
Does he have a spare key? If he has one or has ever had one, I would change the locks.

I would be mad, especially about the pillows stinking with his smell. I would probably not say anything, in fear of angering him and with him knowing where you live. I’d not have him watch my home any more, and I’d also consider changing the locks.

I would without a doubt change the locks! It’s the first thing that I would do, in fact. All of the locks to all of the doors, even doors that have different keys. (And change the garage door opener code while I’m at it.) And then I would start to change usernames and passwords for all accounts, too. (I have a spare computer in the house, and the security on that is not what I would use for a computer that goes outside or on trips with me.) I would probably also report my credit cards as “missing” (at least), so that those accounts would also be changed at the source – and then I’d change those passwords, too. Bank accounts that have statements he may have seen? New accounts required. New checks.

Aside from the invasion of privacy itself, consider that this is a huge security breach in any private, financial or other records that you may have had available to him – and who knows? – maybe to his friends as well.

I’d probably toss those pillows, too – and I’m one who can put up with a certain amount of mess in my life. Not someone else’s, however.

This guy was stupid to have done all that he did, and even more stupid to admit it indirectly. Worse, he’s disrespectful to an extreme degree, thinking that you “might not mind” (and lying in your bed? unthinkable!).

But I don’t suppose that he’s so stupid that he hasn’t figured out how he could do this again if he wanted to, and if you leave him an easy avenue and give him any inkling or doubt that you “didn’t mind”. So for that reason, if he ever initiates a conversation in the future – because I sure as hell wouldn’t start one with him! – I would recommend that you put a very clear, very definite chill in your tone, to get across to him that, “Yes, I minded very much. (And if you ever step foot in this house again it may be after my funeral, and even then I will have left word with my heirs to keep a close eye on you.)” I wouldn’t recommend actually having that parenthetical conversation, only that that idea should be clearly communicated by your tone and attitude.

When my parents’ home was broken into many years ago (and this is “like a break-in”, which is why I raise the issue), and they reported it to the police, the advice from the cops was helpful. Based on the type and value of things in the house that were stolen: a cheap pistol in a desk drawer, a portable television, and not much else (because the house was loaded with far more valuable antiques), the cops concluded that “it was kids”. They noted that the kids that do this sort of thing talk, and that talk gets to the professional burglars. When the pros have a good idea of the type and value of things you have in the house, you’re more likely to be “visited” by them after this relatively benign incident. Dad put on more secure door locks and window bolts, and they never had a real break-in after that, but if he hadn’t talked to the cops and gotten their opinion, who knows what might have been in the offing?

Unfortunately, then, I think you need to treat this as a break-in and upgrade your security.

That’s a person that would never step foot in my home again.

I would definitely confront him head on and ask what the he!! was he doing rummaging around in your closet!?! Then make mention that you also noticed that your new pillows and linens were obviously disheveled. Articulate your profound disappointment and shock over his intrusion to your privacy and how he broke the trust you had in him and that you will never be able to trust him ever again. Then it is up to you to decide if you want further contact with this person.

That would creep me out! I too would change all locks and never invite him into my home again. That’s a gross invasion of your privacy. Yuck! That’s truly weird. Ugh.

I agree with @Cruiser. You should tell him that you are very upset that he went through your personal possessions. He was asked to feed your fish. End of story. To snoop through your cupboards (and since he went through your closet you can assume he’s been through everything) was a breach of your trust and he’s no longer welcome in your home. Make sure there’s someone there with you when you do this. Before you do, think about whether you feel he’s likely to become aggressive (even passively). That he would do this sends alarm bells off for me. So I think you need to think about why he would go through your stuff. Is he attracted to you? Is he a pervert? What’s going on with him?

All kinds of eww, sounds like he needs a good kick in the nuts & a course of aroma-therapy.

Or instead of dealing with a bunch of worry about retribution you just never call him back. He probably won’t think much of it and you can move on.

And yes, I would be incredibly pissed. When I first moved in to my current apartment my roommates GF came in my room while I wasn’t home to look for something and I laid it out pretty clearly. Never come in my room unless you smell smoke or poop. Either way I am dead and don’t care. But never just come in to look for the vacuum.

But in this case you have nothing to gain from confrontation. You might feel a bit better but you pissed off someone that can probably get into your house or might have pictures of your intimates.

Unfortunately, I agree with @CWOTUS. You never know what he went through. Look for missing items or evidence of someone rustling around in your stuff.

I would say something just matter of factly. never trust this person again.

Can you afford an alarm system? If so I would have an alarm installed – it really gives you peace of mind.
If you have an alarm system, and something of this nature arises in the future, you can just change the code. I would look into the alarm, and if you get one, say something to the guy, like, “Are you sure you remembered to lock my door every time? I felt like someone had creeped my home.”

If you don’t get the alarm, I would certainly change the locks, and, as @syz says, “That’s a person that would never step foot in my home again.”

I would change my locks and not have anything else to do with him. If he advertises as a homesitter you should give him a bad review on Angie’s List. That’s not only morally wrong, it’s illegal. He was a trespasser when the left the area in which you gave him permission to be. I would be furious.

I would call it a lesson learned, change the locks, and never let that person in my house again.

And I would make damned sure nothing else is missing or misused.

I’d worry. And change all the locks. And worry some more. Don’t use your toothbrush. Don’t eat any food that’s open. Wash all your dishes and clothes. Seriously be careful. This sounds like an episode of CSI or something. Like he has escalated his behavior every time he’s taken care of your fish. Lord knows what he got up to but it seems potentially dangerous. He had to have seen what he did to your pillow. It’s like he’s getting bolder, because I have to asume that he must have done other, less noticable things previously. Do you have access to a black light? You might want to just toss your bedding.

I would not let this guy make me a prisoner in my own home.
Get an alarm. Change the locks. Do whatever you have to in order to make sure he can’t gain access to your home again.

Buy new pillows, wash the bedding and use the toiletries you brought home from the trip. Personally I would refuse to allow him to make me a stranger in my own home.

We had a home invasion a couple of years ago that the police declined to investigate. Even though the thieves had kicked in the front door, we couldn’t find anything missing. I had an alarm installed within the week, and life goes on.

If you have to leave town in the future, you might make arrangements for a personal friend to watch your place, or hire someone that can be held accountable, such as an Angie’s List participant.

That is simple, if you are that worried about this guy, change people, even if it cost a bit more; what is please of mind worth to you? If you really want to be forgiving and show mercy, you can have a talk with him and put it on the reverse to see where his mindset is. I would ask him if I were looking after your home and while you were away I with browsing through your tools and DVD collection and opening up DVDs that were unopened, popping them in the players and making a snack while I watched it, how would you feel? Put it on him to treat others as he would want them to treat him. If I were to give him another chance, I would post a sign that the place is monitored by Nannycam, and have one conspicuously affixed (even if it is a dummy and the real one discreetly hid). Then you can see if he attempt to disable the Nannycam and go wondering off, or if he wonders off into areas where he should not be. I would remind him, his job is to feed the fish and whatnot, not you recreate in the house, if he cannot adhere to that, then I will need to replace him.

For future assurances

You need to tell him and not have him take care of anything again. Change your locks! Extreme invasion of your privacy! It occurs to me that I/we often make the mistake of believing that everyone is at least as nice/honest as we are. And it is not the case. It better serves us have a healthy skepticism.

Never ask him again.
Have all personal items locked in a storage chest/trunk with a key that you only have.
Never have anything that is personal ( undergarments etc) available for anyone who may become curious to rifle through.
Only get responsible people with clear boundary lines written out and agreed before handing over you key to them.
Any personal confidential papers place in a storage for these things.( bank deposit box)?
This man taught you to be better careful of whom and what you allow in your home .