Would kicking a bear in the balls be as effective against it as it is against humans?

I’d like to kick Bear Grylls in the nuts, mostly because he’s a cunt.

I can’t imagine it would be. Mostly because a large percentage of bear attacks are female bears protecting their young.

Also because bears aren’t pussies.

I think the effectiveness would have to do with what time of the year it was.

From This Paper

“Testicular regression continues throughout the on-breeding season. Although the pattern or extent of regression differs among individual bears….. By mid- to late October or early November, testicular regression is nearly complete…”

But even if you caught it at the right time (or it caught you as the case may be) I cannot see it doing more than causing him to grunt.

Given their reach is a lot longer than your leg, I think you’d be swatted into next week before you got close.

Looks pretty effective to me

Why don’t you try it and get back to us on that?

It’s one of those things that sounds good. The lack of documentation on its effectiveness is a pretty good clue on the practical applications of such a “remedy”. To begin with, there’s little point in debating which of the 2 of you has the better reflexes. An angry bear would almost certainly rip your swinging leg from your hip before your toe was within a foot of its balls.

Snide but funny penguin!

It think it would be a good way to get eaten.

The Chuck Norris University of Testicular Strategies (ChuckNUTS), used to advise delivering a roundhouse kick to each nad.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t work, and unlucky Chuck is the proud “mother” of twin “cubs”! ;-D

I used to know this centaur nicknamed Tripod.

He said it worked for him when he rumbled with a male bear, but apparently he left his horse sense in the stable when he tried it on a crocodile.

The “reach” issue in general is my main reason why this is a bad idea (er, well maybe my third main reason, after 1) don’t fight bears in the first place, and 2) if you must fight bears, use an appropriate tactic):

If the bear is on all fours and facing you, your leg has no way to get to your intended target.

If the bear is standing up on two legs for some reason, bears tend to be much bigger than humans. So you still are unlikely to have the time and geometry and speed to get in the kick before getting shredded, unless it’s really a man in a bear suit standing around waiting for you to do so, as seen in the comedy video above.

Bears are fast. If you are going to get close enough to kick it down low, you may get killed before you get a chance.

The bear is huge and you probably don’t have great familiarity with where would really work to kick, and you are probably not going to be thinking clearly while facing a bear, and if you don’t completely incapacitate the bear immediately, you will be putting yourself in a great position for it to do whatever it likes to you.

Even if you did stun a standing bear with such a kick, it might fall over on you. It might also be really angry with you once it recovered.

Bears might also just be more resilient to this kind of impact than humans, so even if everything goes well, it might not incapacitate it.

That whole thing about bear testicle retraction sounds like a very good point too.

It will almost never be worth taking any chances that you might get this opportunity, even if it did have a chance it would work, unless you have a fatal diagnosis and your life goal is to be remembered as the guy who kicked a bear in the scrotum, or died trying. Or if your goal is just a quick death for yourself.

Only if my legs grew a lot longer. Those claws are very long and they’re on the end of long arms. I think that bear would swipe me before I could get close enough to land a good kick.

If you can get close enough to a bear to kick it in the junk without getting mauled first, I think it’s moot.

It might be possible if you could wind up a good kick and deliver it in the proper place while the bear had you by the throat. And those claws are formidable as well.
I met a guy once who was mauled by a black bear. He was fortunate to be facing the bear while it had ahold of him, ripping his back to shreds. How lucky? If he had turned away from the bear, he would have been disemboweled.
Of course, it might be lucky to kick the bear in the sack if the bear were a he and not a she.

There is a reason animals tuck their tails.

The bear would rip your leg off and eat it before it came close to his balls.

Maybe if you could get the bear to grab you in a hug from behind you could reach back and just sort of… start to rub.

Fifty two students of animal behavior went individually into the wilderness to test that very notion. Unfortunately, we have been unable to process the data since not one of them has reported back with their findings during the three years since they set out. We are still hoping results will be presented soon.

If anyone could pull off kicking a bear in the test results it would likely be this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WWiPiks1sU

This video contains a small amount of the hilarious footage of him testing his would be product. Check out some of the related videos for more of the side splitting record of is prototypes in action.

This guy wasted $6M over the years.

Oh well, comedy gold is priceless.