Is there any way to un-spoil an adult cat?

”[I]t’s impossible to undo years of bad cat ‘parenting’ from my indulgent and delusional partner.”

I don’t think that’s it. I’d agree with,

”[I]t’s impossible to undo years of bad cat ‘parenting’ with my indulgent and delusional partner.”

It sounds like he needs to change his behavior before Mr. Cheeto is able to change his.

Yes you can, but it won’t be fun or easy and you BOTH have to be on the same page.

There is a book called Starting From Scratch. I always recommend it to people in your situation. Most people don’t have the will or patience to do what needs to be done, but you can change a cats behavior. Read the book. It will tell you what to do.

There is absolutely no hope without the bf’s participation. The choices are stark but clear. You have to decide whether or not the boyfriend is worthy of the sacrifices YOU will make to accommodate HIS disability. You can take the optimistic chance that Cheeto’s dangerous behaviors will result in his early demise, the sort of thinking generating those lottery billions. Suggest to the boyfriend the age old remedy for parents suffering the indignities accompanying spoiled kids—a stint at military school. There actually are places claiming to possess the unlikely powers of training cats. The 3rd remedy common to those with ill behaved children is to simply wait for them to grow up and then cut em off. In Cheeto’s case this means suffer until he grow old and expires.

Just to cheer you up, I might add that your boyfriend’s relationship with Cheeto should not be forgotten if either of you are considering the prospect of parenthood.

To echo the responses above, you can’t teach Mr. Cheeto that these behaviors are not acceptable anymore unless you both are on board, and both approach the situation in a consistent way. It won’t be quick. Mr. Cheeto has five years’ experience confirming and deepening his belief that these behaviors get him what he wants—so when you initially begin a coordinated effort of no longer appeasing him, he will probably ramp up the antics for a while. (At least, I imagine—seems the first reasonable thought would be, Hm, this stuff used to work. Maybe I’m not doing it enough, maybe they didn’t see… better try again and more.) Eventually, as he realizes he gets the things he wants with different behavior, he will adjust.

So the trick is convincing your boyfriend this is an issue that needs addressing. It sounds like many things Mr. Cheeto does are dangerous to himself—chewing through a power cord he could electrocute himself. Getting too close to the stove he could fall and severely burn himself. Etc… Seems like you could appeal to your boyfriend’s care for Mr. Cheeto to get those situations solved.

As for situations like the cat waking you up in bed—perhaps framing it in terms of how this affects you… having your sleep consistently interrupted makes it difficult to sleep well, making it difficult to function well during the day and/or making you exhausted during the day. Again appeal to your boyfriend’s care, but now for your wellbeing—it takes the focus off the cat, and onto your boyfriend’s relationship with you.

I’m not sure if you need a spray bottle. Consistently and deliberately removing the Mr. Cheeto from the situation should be enough—trying to enforce the idea that he should not be in the specific area, rather than enforce the idea that spray bottles are bad and target him in specific areas?

… It will take a lot of patience from both of you. Good luck!

Sounds like you need to retrain your boyfriend first. If he doesn’t modify his behaviour, there’s no chance of getting Mr Cheeto to behave differently.

Perhaps you can get Jackson Galaxy on the job.

Unless your bf is in unison with you, theres not a lot that can be done.

Yes, cats can be trained or re-trained but the key to that is absolute consistency from everyone in the household. Otherwise you just end up with a confused cat. ( “Am I allowed on the counter top or am I not allowed on it”) that sort of thing.

However, there is one thing you can successfully refuse to tolerate. The aggressive and harsh play biting.

If your bf doesn’t seem to mind being a chew toy for Mr. C. that doesn’t mean that you have to submit to the same. Cats are intelligent enough to distinguish between what one person will put up with vs. another.

I adopted a two year old cat who was biting very aggressively during play. Every time she did this I would tell her NO in a firm raised voice and immediately dump her off my lap or the bed or wherever, turn my face away from her and absolutely shun her and refuse to engage with her in any way for 15 minutes.

If she tried to hop back up on the bed she just got dumped off and shooed away again.

After 15 mins. I would engage her again but with a toy upon which she could vent that play energy rather than on my hands.

It took awhile and required absolute consistency on my part. but she soon realized that life was a lot more fun if she inhibited her claws and teeth while playing with me.

Most kittens learn this early from their littermates and mama cat. Bite too hard and nobody will play with you and mama cat may give you a good cuff for emphasis.

I won’t ever hit my cats but I’ll certainly discipline them with my tone of voice and other behaviors to let them know when they’re out of line.

So, you can teach Mr. C. to respect your person and let him know that YOU are not willing to be his chew toy.

If your bf sees this and doesn’t like it then you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not willing to put yourself in medical danger just to amuse the cat.

Do a little research on “cat scratch fever” and also the damage which can be done by the germs found in cats mouths and a puncture bite.

If not promptly treated, it’s not a pretty picture. Ask him if he has ever needed medical treatment from too aggressive play biting. I’ll bet it’s happened at least once if not more often.

You don’t have to subject yourself to that. You may not be able to control his knocking over cans or waking you up but you can definitely teach this cat to respect you enough to inhibit his play bites with you or face the prospect of no play time if he can’t respect your person.

Just remember ; it must be done consistently.

Your problem isn’t how to train your cat, it’s how to train your boyfriend. Use the same tactics on him to get what you want.

@gorillapaws I agree. The cat is not the problem. Think of this: Would someone who loves you, stand by watching while you get bit/scratched/what have you? I don’t think so. Red flag there!

Don’t kill the cat. Why should he have to pay the price for the boyfriend’s stupidity/laziness?

99% of the problems caused by pets are due to the failure of the owner. When Jackson Galaxy arrives, he’s there to educate and train the petparent first. Once that’s accomplished then the cat falls in line and peace is restored.

Occasionally, part of the cats urinating outside the litter box is due to the appearance of stray cats constant presence on the perimeter of their home. (that’s not the owner’s fault directly but once that is eliminated, the defensive territorial marking behavior stops and kittly goes back to using his litterbox).

But that’s one of the few exceptions. Most other problems are directly related to owner action/inaction.

@Buttonstc I’m NOT considering doing anything to hurt the cat. What in my question would give you that impression? The cat has no litter box issues (thankfully), he’s just spoiled and obstinate.

@si3tech That cat doesn’t scratch and bite me as much because I don’t let him. However, my BF has no issues with being Mr. Cheeto’s personal chew toy!

I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about these issues and he has agreed to work with me on helping the cat improve his behavior. He is a good partner and does want me to be happy.

^ That’s great news. However, expect your boyfriend to keep up his habits for a while. I’m a dog trainer, and even after my clients resolve to be more consistent and less indulging, it takes them weeks (sometimes months) to truly embrace these changes. They need a lot of positive reinforcement in the meantime.

Which makes me wonder…have you heard of clicker training? It’s highly effective on dogs, and cats can learn to love it, as well. When I advise clients whose partners are not fully on board, that’s the kind of training I recommend. It neds less consistency than what is, essentially, training based on aversive methods…and it’s a lot of fun, for both people and pets, which may be just up your boyfriend’s alley.

If you notice just above my post there is a response which the mods deleted which suggested killing the cat and/or killing the bf. THAT is what I was responding to, not anything you said. Hope that clears things up.

@Buttonstc Ah, I see. Sorry about that.

I just didn’t want anyone to think they were dealing with a potential cat-killer here. :p