Are you a gossip?

Really? You expect anyone to come aboard and say “Yes! Yes I am and here’s why!”
The term “gossip” carries a strong negative index, almost no one will admit to such a thing, or even recognize the tendencies within themselves.

There. I’ve just set it up so that those that dislike me, and those that are all about arguing, will admit to gossiping, but will provide good reasons for it, and deep remorse for maybe hurting anybody.

No.

Mostly, I don’t care enough about people I don’t like to spend time talking about them.

There is something, though, that might be considered gossip, that I wish people would do more. That is, instead of making vague comments about how someone-who-will-go-unnamed did awful thing that negatively affected your life in some way… Just tell me who it is, so I know to avoid them. Don’t let me go on being friends with an ticking asshole time bomb.

No, and I have no respect for people who are,

No, and I loathe gossipy types. There are so many more interesting things to talk about than other people. A lot of gossipy personalities can be identified by their personality types. SFJ types are notorious. Intuitive types are more interested in talking about concepts and ideas not other people. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said something along the lines of ” small minds talk about other people, mediocre minds talk about things and great minds talk about ideas.”

Depends on your definition of gossip. Any negative mentions of people not present? In that case, yes. For example, my family would frequently discuss my dad, in the months after he left us. This was helpful, because he was on all our minds and talking made us feel less alone.

However, I have never been able to take an interest in who has gained weight or is spending too much money. Topics like these are incredibly boring, in my opinion. I tend to just nod along, and when things get mean, I say something. Especially when there are kids around. They shouldn’t grow up believing that it is okay to laugh at people’s weaknesses.

That said, I think certain types of gossip have a purpose. We all try to determine our own values, and those of others. While straightforward discussions on ethics are not for everyone, gossiping can be a way for a group to find out what everyone else sees as acceptable. We’re hardwired to take an interest in people we know. If gossip is a useful alternative for those disinclined to talk about concepts, I’m okay with that.

Largely, no, I’m not a gossip.
All my life I’ve gotten crap for mentioning I heard parts of a juicy story (just idle conversation to me that I repeated because it seemed to interest other people), and not stuck around/asked enough questions to get the juicy bits.

And then there’s what @Seek says:
“Mostly, I don’t care enough about people I don’t like to spend time talking about them.”

I agree with @Seek and @ibstubro; if I find someone negative or difficult I don’t want them to take up space in my life even when they are around, much less when they’re not.

The biggest issue I’ve had was largely accidental. In person, I’ve been incredibly open with my friends, often about things many people keep to themselves. I cringe at OVERsharing (Don’t bring up childhood sexual abuse at a birthday party!), but in an intimate conversation over a glass or two of wine? Sure, I’ll share my story if it’s relevant.

Because I’m open, friends are often open with me, too. And because I’m not secretive, I have at times failed to understand that my friend’s story was meant to be a secret.

For example, in the course of a conversation that had gone from rape experiences, through sexual harassment and discrimination in the workplace, to breakups big and small, a friend told me some some awful details about her ongoing split from her husband. They were already at the point of mediation with divorce lawyers. She was looking for a financially feasible apartment to move to in our area of Brooklyn. The next day a mutual friend asked me how she was doing and I said, “She’s strong and I know she’s going to be okay, but this split from her husband is super stressful.” I didn’t share details. I thought the breakup itself was common knowledge.

I was mortified when I realized the mutual friend hadn’t known. I learned later that she was keeping it secret until she found a place and moved out. Had I gossiped? I hadn’t meant to. I thought I had her back, pointing out how well she was doing under the circumstances. But was what I said wrong? Definitely. It was a new twist on a lesson I’d thought I’d learned in my twenties. Something to watch out for, when people who aren’t present are brought up.

Zero. Zilch. Nada. I do not talk about a third party.
I say nothing and know nothing. Like Sgt. Schultz.
I will even be surprised if/when the information is made public.

I don’t consider basic sharing among mutual acquaintances to be gossip, such as ” oh, did so & so tell you they are going to Hawaii next month or bought a new house or is starting a new business….etc.” to be “gossip.” Gossip is talking smack behind other peoples backs, being critical, judgemental, sharing confidential information shared in trust. I know I have suffered a lot this last few years after losing it all in the recession and knowing my private business is out there for many to know. Not that I have anything to hide but I hate others knowing my intimate business.

I am an open book and no topic is taboo but….I am also very private and do not like my personal issues to be on display to the world unless I choose to share.

No, I’m not but some of the people on this site are. Oh man! Let me tell you about this one person who…..................

No, it’s the behaviour of people who have little intellect & even less to do with their day, an epidemic amongst jellies then :D

Why? What’d you hear?

I don’t know enough people to gossip. A work friend once asked me if I could keep a secret and I asked her who she thought I would tell. She thought about it a second and then told me the secret, which wasn’t really a secret.

By definition yes I have and I am very sure anyone that has been active here 6 months or more has gossiped in one form or another. But I will say I never said anything about someone I would not say to their face.

Gossip
1. casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

I’ve gossiped with several who have answered this thread. What a bunch of liars.~

@dammitjanetfromvegas LOL

Yes, but only the enjoyment of a story. I don’t tell malicious gossip to defame or hurt, but I will when the story is twisted, shocking, and amusing.

@dammitjanetfromvegas: Good thing I didn’t deny anything, huh?

Not often, but when I have I have regretted it. No one can keep a secret.

HS @marinelife Ain’t that the truth! I can only imagine what Jellies have gossiped about me

Funny…it has never even crossed my mind I might be being gossiped about in the fluther realm. Who knows, who knew? lol
I have been the recipient and have also, on rare occasion, initiated a pm to one of about 4–5 people I communicate with here on occasion” with a “what’s up with so and so” or ” that new person so & so seems a little bizarre” haha but…nothing, even remotely like gossip.

When I hear a wild tale about someone in real life, one of my favorite things to do is look the story teller in the eye and say, “I don’t believe that.”

It’s interesting to see the response. Backpedal? Agree it’s far fetched? Get pissed off? Rationalize?
“I just simply don’t believe it.”

I can keep a secret. Not many do, but some can. People who can’t keep secrets think no one else can either, just as liars seem to think everyone else is a liar too. Not so.

I don’t think so. I like my facts to be verified and don’t like conjecture, so in theory don’t like gossip. On the other hand, I occasionally read the gossip pages of magazines or lurid articles of horrendous events but I don’t repeat these stories to anyone. If I do mention something I would qualify it with ‘it might not be true as I just read/heard it somewhere’.

No, I’m not. My husband is. In fact, I lost my last job in large part due to his gossiping. It wasn’t malicious, it was simply that he didn’t have a clue as to the impression he’d left on people about me. He was more interested in getting the lime light on himself.
His whole family gossips and talks about other people and family members. One time at one of his family reunions I wasn’t feeling well and told Rick I was going to lie down in the car for a bit. I rested for about half an hour, then went back to the party. Everyone kept coming up, asking how I felt and was I OK? It was REALLY embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

I’m not going to lie, my best friend and I enjoy a good gossip together over a cup of tea!! We sometimes discuss the people in our life that irritate or frustrate us and and I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t used the line “oh my God, did you know…..” I also fully expect people (including my best friend) to gossip about me. Pretty, much every single person I know in my day to day life will admit to gossiping from time to time so I’m really surprised that so many people here say they don’t!

I think @OpryLeigh‘s post perfectly illustrates the point that this is not a black and white issue, and that the concept of “gossip” can encompass anything from chat about mutual acquaintances with benign intent to malicious nastiness that results in damage to a person’s reputation and/or relationships.

I would give you 10 GAs if I could, @OpryLeigh, for your answer.

I’ve been thinking about this since the question was asked, and watching myself a little extra. My husband and I talk all the time. I know things about the people at his office and he knows things about the parents at school and the people at the coffee shop where I write, because the people in our lives come up in conversation. The majority of the time it’s fairly banal: anecdotes of interactions, interesting stories we heard. Now and then there’s something else to it. For example, there’s one school mom who seems to want to be my friend, but she can be so sarcastic and nasty sometimes, and she’s been rude to my friends. I talk to my husband and my sister about it. There are also times that I need to “vent.” My family (mother, father, sister) has a lot of issues; there’s always some kind of manipulation or impasse. After my interactions with them, I certainly say things to my husband (and best friends) that I would never say to them.