Should I stay friends with my friends?

There doesn’t seem to be any reason to stay friends with these people. I would rather be alone than be with friends who abuse me either physically or emotionally.

I saw nothing in your description that matches the definition of the word “friend”. Maybe get comfortable being by yourself for a while.

The world isn’t binary. There is no reason (or good way) for you to be not-friends with people that you have considered to be (and who may consider themselves to be) your best friends. So my advice would be to gradually distance yourself from them. Look for people who are more generally pleasant to be around, and more pleasant to you specifically, and spend more time with them. In other words, just make gradual moves away from them. (It’s what generally happens after high school, anyway, so there’s no reason for you not to nudge and accelerate that process a bit.)

I would not attempt to cut ties with your friends completely, however. I would not make any announcement that, “As of this moment we are no longer friends,” or anything else so dramatic. Just … find other interests. If you do spend time with them, perhaps because they’re close to you in age, in school, and perhaps even in life outside of school, be prepared to have “something else you have to go and do” whenever they start to get abusive – or you do. Because you didn’t say who starts the stuff that gets going on among you, perhaps you are more of an instigator in these scenarios than you have let on. So, like Ishmael at the start of Moby Dick, whenever you feel the urge in you arising to knock people’s hats to the ground and pick fights, perhaps it is time for you to figuratively “get to sea”, and find another outlet and a new way to deal with the world.

With friends like that, who needs enemies? I’d not spend any more time with them, but I agree say nothing, just stop being available.

It seems crystal clear and what’s not clear is why it’s something you’re unclear about.

Those are not friends and you should consider counseling. It’s not a bad thing, it should help you become more confident so you don’t let people like this into your life again. Are you in middle school, high school? Certainly there is a way to talk to someone about this. I agree with the posts above. Cut ties gradually.

Right now school is pretty much your world so it sounds difficult to stop being friends.

Just realize that that’s not all there is. All of you need to do some growing up. In real life people who are truly friends simply don’t spend their time insulting each other and physically fighting. That’s not friendship.

Since I’m not sure what grade you’re in its difficult for me to advise that college will be totally different from high school. That mat be a long way off for you.

But gradually start drifting away from this crew and keep your eyes out for those who are the opposite of this bunch both in attitude and actions.

Are there any groups in your school that do volunteer work? If not look for some opportunities outside of school like your local animal shelter or any other area interesting to you.

Why? Because people who have a genuine interest in giving their time to helping others usually aren’t the type who spend their time bickrring , name calling and fighting.

You need to expose yourself to a better group of people where you can find people who know what true friendship is.

The losers you’re hanging with now clearly don’t.

I say this with respect and care, but it seems as if YOU need professional psychological support. There is so much that you have to sort out within you. I am not criticizing you, we all have issues to deal with. Keep a distance from them, they will only hurt you more.

“when they hurt me I hurt them back ” And from the other descriptions of this “friendship” with these abusive people, you seem to me to have a very low self esteem and have a warped need to be around abusive people. This is not healthy in anyway and you need to find people/friends who have a positive effect on your life. If you are not able to do this on your own then seek professional help to guide you to a better happier place.

Even if you spend your days within the closed culture of high school, you don’t need to stay friends with these mean-spirited people. You can phase-out of these relationships without having an ugly confrontation or causing bad feelings. Just be otherwise occupied if these people want to talk or spend time with you. When they call you at home or on your cellphone, use the Caller ID and don’t answer. If they try to make plans after school or on weekends, give your regrets that you’re scheduled elsewhere. If you encounter them in the hallways or classrooms, be polite but not encouraging.

These nasty, rude people aren’t your friends. A friend wouldn’t deliberately hurt you, either physically or emotionally. These kids sound like a group of sociopaths who aren’t capable of true friendships. There are already enough mean people in the world who move among us without consciences; you don’t need to become one of them.

You have some good, decent schoolmates who are worthy of friendship. Find them, get to know them, and enjoy their company. You’ll put yourself on the right path for the rest of your life.

Sounds awful. If it were me, I’d use it as a model of exactly what I don’t want, and not only stop being with them, but avoid getting into new friendships that felt like that at all.

I didn’t have friends like yours, but I’ve had bad friends and relationships, and I use them as examples of what to watch out for and avoid in new relationships, both in terms of their behavior, and in terms of how I behave towards them.

Also, not only are bad relationships bad to be in, they also keep you from getting into new good relationships in many ways, such as wasting time, taking your energy, and making you unappealing to people who behave well in relationships, because those people can see you are in a bad relationship and will probably tend to avoid you even without thinking about it.

Life is to short for bad relationships, and they tend only to go to bad and worse places, and good relationships have bright points too, so the bright points in bad relationships are no reason to stay in them.