What will happen if I go to a counselor to deal with the fact that I was sexually abused as a child?

It is my understanding that counsellors are only required to report ongoing abuse not past abuse but you can check that out with the therapist before revealing details. My abuse harmed me in ways I didn’t fully comprehend until I dealt with it – in my 30s and 40s. Don’t wait that long but do find a therapist you can trust.

First off – it is awesome that you are seeing someone. Kudos to you. It takes strength to do that and to talk about the past.

The therapist won’t say anything about what you tell them….

The therapist / counselor is only required by law to go to the police if you mention killing someone, talk about abusing the elderly or children.

Well that settles that, I guess. Thanks :)

I also think, as janbb wrote, that you should make sure that if you reveal certain things about your past, no one will be persecuted as a result. I think some people are required to report certain things, and not sure where this would fit.
Check it out.
And good luck.

I’m not a psych professional, and below is strictly my opinion, and not even advice. It really relates to how I view these things, and many people would disagree with me I’m sure.

You’re not sad or hurt or overly traumatized if I read your statement right. One option is to talk to your brother if you really want to simply just remember. If you present it more as a sibling thing than that you were violated he might just talk to you about it.

Also, beware of false memories. The psych world is extremely geared up to believe people were abused. I don’t question your memories, I think it’s likely these things you are remembering are true, but be willing to question your own memories, and hear your brother out.

It sounds like you already make an excuse for him, because he was very young also, and he probably was not understanding fully what he was doing. Possibly, he looks back in it and has regret. Does he have children? Daughters? Possibly, it will help both of you to talk about it. However, keep in mind a conversation could go the other way and make you more upset. If he denies it or dismisses the idea that what he did was wrong, it might upset you a lot. It might trigger feelings of resentment, sadness, depression, anger, it’s hard to know.

I think if something isn’t traumatizing to you then you’re lucky. It still might have shaped you, but you don’t carry it on your back in an extreme way that’s a gift. I had some men touch me inappropriately, in the past, and basically I dismiss them as assholes. I know women who have had similar things happen who really live with the events in the front of their minds and it more obviously affects how they function. I wasn’t raped or repeatedly molested, so I’m not comparing my situation to yours, I’m only comparing what did happen to me to other women who had similar circumstances to myself and what box in our minds we filed it under.

For me, it affects me ongoing as reinforcing that we need to be wary of men being with young children, and teens, and for me to know I can always say no and to just leave or fight back with men who try to just see how far they can get.

I am a mental health professional. However, I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist.

@WonderingWanderer Do not attempt to discuss this with your brother, until you have fully discussed your own side of the events with your psychologist/therapist/counselor. Talking to your brother before you are fully prepared may lead to more victimization. I sincerely hope you will be able to engage with a good professional who will very carefully guide you through what has the potential to be a difficult healing process.

@JLeslie I am shocked you would even allude that this may be a false memory. The idea of false memories is exponentially rare and mostly the invention of a sensationalistic media. Children do not invent these stories. Adults do not invent these memories. What @WonderingWanderer is describing is a deep trauma and must be treated as such by a very knowledgeable professional. Suggesting she should go on her own to see her abuser leads her into the grave possibility of further, more grotesque victimization.

@Hawaii_Jake I really don’t think she has a false memory, but I think it’s possible for memories, and emotions attached to memories, to be manipulated. I have seen it more than once. I have a family member and a close family friend who I feel were ruined by therapy, and for the most part I think therapy is a very good thing, I’ve utilized it myself more than once, and it has been very helpful getting through some difficult times. However, concerning sexual abuse, I had one counselor try to steer me in the direction of thinking I was sexually abused by my father, and that is completely ridiculous in my case. No other counselor has ever even thought to go there, but this one crackpot.

I really do feel strongly that a portion of people who have been abused, or work in the field of helping those who have been abused, really look for abuse and encourage people to believe they were abused, or take a situation of abuse and encourage the person to exaggerate their negative feelings about it. This is contrary to newer research about traumatic events that encourage forgetting. I’m not saying I but into the entire forgetting schtick, I think talking things through us and can be therapeutic, but I also believe in not engraving anxiety type reactions to events if it can be avoided. Our brains encore forgetting for a reason. It seems to help with avoiding PTSD reactions and even depression. The jury is still out I think, because each person has different needs and different reactions to events. I just don’t want the OP to get more traumatized than necessary.

I don’t blame the OP at all for wanting to discuss what she is remembering with a therapist, I think it’s a good idea, just don’t go with a therapist who seems to be causing more upset than therapeutic help. That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be upset, I just mean dump a therapist who tries to ratchet things up. The two people I know wound up cutting off from family (they were not sexually abused by the family members just to clarify) they remember most things fairly accurately according to siblings and even parents whom they cut off from, but interpret things in such a way that they have destroyed their happiness and relationships within the family, and relationships outside of the family. I know one of them also remembers things that could not possibly have happened. Literally, impossible. It’s not a sexual abusive thing, but it’s something they say used to add to their anxiety as a child.

@WonderingWanderer I would like to repeat that it would be a very bad idea to go talk to your brother alone. Talk to a therapist. Talking to your brother should only be done under careful, clinical supervision. If you wish, you can ask the therapist their thoughts on whether or not what you are about to reveal may put your brother at risk for criminal investigation.

^^That sounds like a good suggestion. It seems he was a minor too at the time, so that might help if the OP is concerned about the legal ramifications.

I thought I would give y’all an update… My first session with my school’s therapist/counselor is this afternoon. It’s taking a huge leap of faith for me to believe that this is actually going to help. But I know I need to do it.

Always good to try. You can stop at any time. You’re in control. Let us know how it goes.

@WonderingWanderer It’s a big step. I wish you all the best. I started counseling when I was 23. I wish I’d started earlier. It has done me so much good over the course of my life.