Calling all Jellies, I could use your input on a delicate situation.

How astute is this person? Will she even remember such a (seemingly, to me) casual exchange? If she does remember, and presses you, maybe you could thank her for the invite but explain that your Sunday mornings (or whenever) are already so full with the work tending to the animals on the ranch, and that is really how you commune with your spiritual self. Throw in a little flowery prose about loving the animals and the scent of nature blah blah blah and you have an inoffensive refusal.

Why do you need to tell her anything? It’s a client’s mother for gourd’s sake.

If you feel you must have an out, do a Clinton and tell her you attend evening services with a friend, then flip over and watch 15 seconds of some religious programming with your friend some night.

Meh. You never know do you? It seems so random. Sometimes life leads us to places we least intend. It wouldn’t really kill you to give up a couple hours of your time in the name of kindness. You might meet someone completely cool that you otherwise would not. Or maybe you have something to say or do that someone else needs. It could be an adventure!

I think I’d say, “thanks but I’m a back-slidden Catholic.” Then hope to God she’s not too. lol If she asks which Catholic church you attend , which is nosy, I’d say, “none of them. I’m back slid den.” meant to spell that in one word but the pc won’t let me.
Years ago people around town would ask me those kinds of questions and I hated it. But I’m still searching on my own. Now I keep to myself somewhat out of necessity so that pain in the neck is gone. I get my spiritual fix watching church shows that are super emotional and/or reading books of that ilk.

Well…to all, it is a little more complicated. The women lives on the same property as her daughter and her husband who is a pastor and are my clients. There are 2 custom homes here and a guest home. I am here, right now, house/pet sitting until this evening and then will be returning from the 10th to the 15th and again the 18th to the 21st, so this is not just a simple, random, passing neighbor thing, I am here a LOT.

The complicated part is that they want me to move here, into the pool house/apartment as they travel frequently and pay very well. It would be a great little set up for me and the place will be coming available as soon as their nephew and his wife find a house to buy, of which they are searching right now. The dilemma is they are all quite religious and very conservative and so I am trying to be polite and diplomatic without completely revealing my sentiments on politics and religion. If I were to blurt out that I am a liberal atheist that would, no doubt, color their opinion of me and I really want this living arrangement.

I am faced, for the first time in years and years with feeling like I have to conceal a lot of my feelings and beliefs to keep things light and neutral.

@canidmajor and @Jak I have entertained, maybe attending once, as a show of kindness and then letting them know I really prefer the “church” of nature. It is a delicate situation as I have mentioned. I can get along with anybody but felt rather put on the spot, something I am not used to.

Good luck with this. If they are very religious, and he’s a pastor, I would hesitate to go even once, as it might be taken as an insult if you never go again. With the possibility of this plum living arrangement, it makes everything extra fraught…
Good luck with this!

Okay, I should first remind you that I am a Christian.
Go to a service with her. Afterwards, if you are unmoved, tell her it just isn’t your thing.
That said, I hope you are moved.

Hmmmm a pool house. Well, you might have to bite the bullet and join the church. lol No way I’d go once then never again with them being so close to you both geographically and personally. They think a lot of you, Coloma; that’s obvious. They’d feel like you slapped them in the face.
Your choices seem to be lose their business and their friendship and the pool house or go to their church and make some nice new friends that would come visit you in the pool house? lol For Heaven’s sake , pardon the pun, keep us posted.

It’s easy for me to say this, because I have no stake in the results, but only you can determine whether your religious preferences take priority with your clients ahead of the care and trustworthiness you provide their pets and property. Tell them the truth. You donj’t have to be be rude about it. Rational people can accept that there is a difference in believing in God and sitting in Church to prove it.

Tell them that you were abused by a priest in the desert, and the only thing that really gives you solace is quiet time with the sound of gently lapping water. ~~

“Well, I’m not religious, but I’ve visited some churches to admire the architecture.”

Thanks everyone, yep, just kinda disconcerting as I consider myself to be a very genuine sort and don’t like duplicity. I am not really worried I will be blacklisted by any means if I decline, and to clarify, my clients husband who is the pastor has an out of town congregation and his wife that hired me doesn’t attend either her husbands church or her mothers often as she travels a lot, like this weekend. I am not really worried about being blacklisted for declining but it is a rather awkward/uncomfortable situation and one I have not encountered forever.

My work here has no bearing on my beliefs, I am well liked, respected and revered for my services so I am not worried my lack of church going will be held against me, it is just the awkwardness of the whole thing. I will play it by ear and see what unfolds.

In all honesty (and I am agnostic myself), it won’t hurt you. It’s not like you’re going to magically turn into a religious fundamentalist if you go.

Being nice to an old lady has got to be worth something, after all.

You might get some insight, or it might cement even further your feelings towards religion. I don’t know you well enough to say. But I’d say that it’s essentially harmless and it will make an old lady feel good. So what’s the cost? What’s the downside?

The poolhouse thing makes it more complicated. I would NOT do that -not because of religion, but because you don’t want to be in a position which can get messy. Going to church once isn’t messy. Living on the property and being around is fraught with potential conflict.

“I have my own commitments for Sunday morning, but, if you need a ride any time, by all means ask.”

Sort of deflects it from invitation to attend church to an offer of a ride.
Let’s you decline the offer and confuses the issue with a kind gesture.

I am Christian. Trust me, most Christians that invite others to church are used to being turned down. They feel that it is their duty to invite others to church, but know very few will actually go. She will not be disappointed or hurt that you don’t go, she just wanted to extend the invite.

@elbanditoroso Agreed, a one time friendly thing is not a life commitment. The housing situation could work really well for me and everyone pretty much keeps to themselves, it is a very quiet scene. I’m not worried about that, well, not much anyway, I do value my privacy but sometimes sacrifices have to be made in the name of survival, which is where I’m at these days. I need a new place soon so hope it works out.

@ibstubro, Yes, that’s an option too.

@chynna Yes, I have a very diverse religious background too and I think you’re spot on and I might be over thinking this. haha

You can lie and say that you are a buddist.

@RedDeerGuy1 Actually, I do lean towards eastern philosophies but I don’t identify as anything and I don’t believe in a deity.

I can see how awkward this must feel to you, but even in these circumstances I think it would be just fine to say “Thank you, but I’m not interested in changing my religion.” (“Changing” is the key word there.) If you’re asked what your religion is—well, that’s a personal matter and you prefer not to discuss it.

There’s no need to lie. Just decline further discussion.

Anybody who pushes beyond that is being rude and deserves a long, silent look until they back down with an apology.

@Jeruba Thank You, well said.

I don’t see the need to lie. You have a fine mind, I’m quite sure you’ll come up with a suitable response that does not offend, while still remaining true to your own self.

@Adagio Thanks, yes, I hope so.

I’d be completely up front with your next response to the invitation, if it comes – saving yourself the problems of having to lie (and not wanting to do that), and then having to back up the lie for the seeming eternity of the relationship – until it all falls apart very badly when the lie is discovered eventually and you and they feel worse as a result. That is, I would own up to whatever beliefs you have – or don’t have – on the day that you’re accosted, politely, gently (obviously, in your normal way, I’m sure) and pleasantly. Of course, you wouldn’t dream of assaulting or insulting anyone else’s belief – and you can say that, too – “but it’s not for me.”

Tell the pastor (or any of his family members who ask) that you’re open to discussion and friendly argument (if you are), but you’re not going to attempt to convert anyone else, and will enjoy anyone else’s conversion attempts on you, either. And for that reason you won’t be appearing at a service that you know in advance is anathema to you, and sorry to have left that open with a noncommittal response to the initial overture.

The honesty and openness will serve well in any potential future encounters / relationship with these folks. I’m assuming that the invitation was extended because “she’s such a nice person, she’s obviously a good Christian, let’s see if we can get her to join our church.”

Some of my best and closest friends are highly committed Christians who know my outlook full well, and it’s a total non-issue between us.

I would probably just say something like “No thanks, I’m so busy this morning but maybe if you want to stop by for coffee later, I’ll be here.” She’s probably lonely. Not that what I’d do would be a perfect solution, but I’d just keep it casual and not get into any discussion about religion or anything. It’s not a lie, it’s just keeping it light.

@CWOTUS Thanks for your input and yes, I do not wish to be dishonest nor seem to be open to something I’m not. If I decided to attend one service as a nicety I would have no problem following up with a decline and saying that I am really not a church going type but thank you for inviting me and I enjoyed seeing your church.
There has been some light discussion in the past and I mentioned I had a diverse religious background but did not say I have opted out on God. I want to avoid any deep or confrontational discussion, keep it light as @jca suggests. My main objective is to let her know that I have my own spiritual preferences and that I am not a regular church goer without actually coming right out and saying I am a non-believer.

No need to rock anyones belief boat, just find a way to be diplomatic but clear about not being a devotee to formal worship.

I would have an excuse ready for when she asks. She might then take the hint. If she perseveres you can just say the truth that you are not the church going type. I like @jca’ s suggestion of inviting her over later for tea and scones. She must like your company and might appreciate that and it puts the ball back into her court.

”Maybe I will.” sounds devoutly agnostic to me. Maybe it signals a shift for you towards agnostic fundamentalism. ;-)

@flutherother Yes, agreed, I do already take her food I make on occasion just to be nice. She is a nice lady, her hardcore religious republican views aside. haha

@Zaku LMAO! Very funny!

@Zaku, Reminds me of a guy I heard describe himself as a “nonpracticing atheist.”

I think I’d just be honest. If she follows up with an invite to attend her church, I would tell her you’re not sure why you said ‘maybe you would’ because you are an agnostic/atheist. I would say you were caught a bit off-guard and flattered by her lovely invitation, but you don’t feel you can accept. Which sounds like it might be the truth!

Or you could ask her to join you for a few beers on the porch instead of church.

Ran into the same situation recently and decided to bite the bullet and go. I’m Jewish and not especially observant; the church is Episcopal and extremely welcoming. The one-hour service wasn’t exactly the most fun I ever had but it wasn’t a bad way to spend the morning. I met some nice people and seemed to make my friend happy. And… I came away reminding myself once again how lucky I am not to have to sing hymns every week!

I thought the hymns were the good part, @Pachy.

I like the suggestions of turning down the invitation gently but following up with another one from you for coffee, chat etc. These sound like nice people who surely would not be offended by your atheism. If they are not happy with you not being religious, then they are surely not the employers for you?

We Jews aren’t big on singing about Jesus, @ibstubro. ;-)

If she were to ask you to join her for a service, I would agree to go if she agreed to come with you to your church.

Pshaw, @Pachy!

That’s like saying a Mormon can’t like The Andrews Sisters!

:-D

@Pachy Oh, I forgot about the hymn singing….haha, well, it wouldn’t kill me to go once but if I do I must be clear that it was only a one time thing and not an opening for conversion. I think this might be an Episcopalian church too, not sure.

@Earthbound_Misfit I think I prefer to not actually attach any lables to my beliefs, keep it at a “spiritual” level, and just say I am not an attendee of formal services and prefer to spiritually commune in solitude and nature.

@Cruiser I’d have to invent a church for her to attend. The church of Champagne. lol

@coloma…the church you alluded to in an earlier comment is the same church I belong to. I was suggesting you take her on a hike to a beautiful spot in the country and sit with her and share a side of your spirituality or just listen to nature. That is how I introduce people to my higher power.

@Cruiser Oh, got’cha, haha, well, she is like 85 years old so I think a hike might need to be substituted with tea and scones and a nice settee.

If this is an Episcopalian church, as you mentioned, then your worries are for naught.

Of all the denominations of Christianity, they are the most intelligent and non-judgemental of the bunch. I certainly would not assume either right wing nor Republican views or politics. They are usually quite the opposite. Committed to social justice causes and leaning left politically.

At least that has been my experience of Episcopalians generally.

The only small exception might be if they define themselves as “Reformed” or “Orthodox”. But those two are definitely in the minority of Anglicans worldwide.

Definitely try to find out whether you’re dealing with religious fundamentalista or not. That makes such a huge difference.

Unfortunately it’s the right wing fundy types who get all the attention and publicity while the vast majority of Christians are of the more rational progressive type regardless of the denomination.

Before raising your defenses and anxiety level, find out whether that’s even called for. There’s a whole world full of rational intelligent Christians who don’t spend the majority of their time judging others who would understand and respect your perspective on spirituality.

Unfortunately, they get overshadowed by the ones who do.

Well, @ibstubro, I DO like singing along to Artie Pshaw!

@Buttonstc I know she is very conservative but also that her husband is a mormon and she once joked about having to go to 3 years of counseling when they married. haha She attends her church alone and her husband stays home and does his thing. I don’t know if he is active in his own church. As I mentioned, I may be blowing this out of proportion but things like this are anxiety producing, in fear of offending others on some deep, intrinsic level.
I am hoping it was just a friendly gesture and if I either attend once as a kindness or decline that there will not be any weirdness.

I love gospel music, I’d attend some rousing Baptist ceremony if the music was rockin’. lol

Count meh in on those zounds, @Pachy!

I didn’t read the above answers.

If she invites you again I would say, “thank you for the invitation, but I think I will pass for now,” or something similar.

I lived in the Bible Belt for years and I was asked where I go to church and invited to church several times by varying people, and some more than once. My impression, and I am not a Christian, so my impression might be wrong, was that they basically are groomed to keep plugging away at asking people to their church, and know it’s a numbers game. Ask 50, 2 might say maybe, 1 might actually come. I made up those stats, but you get the drift. Also, worth mentioning, is most of them love their church, and offering the opportunity to you is them wanting to share what brings them some happiness, and so they want to share it.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If they have an event they invite you to that sounds somewhat fun to you, no harm going if you’re curious or just want to be nice and accept one time. I went to a big dinner and fashion thing with a girlfriend to her church. One if those mega churches. The women were very social at our dinner table, and the fashion advice from the guest wasn’t bad at all. She rambled on about Christian stuff that I wasn’t very interested in, but she did say some things that caught me off guard that I did find interesting.

Similar to @Cruiser‘s comment about the hike, I have on occasion told people I honor my “Maker” by enjoying nature every day. It sounds respectful, and doesn’t allude to any actual religion.
I have thought perhaps the invitation might have a second purpose. There may be someone there they feel you would like to meet, and that would be the best way to get you together.
I have known some people who are so into church that they extend an invitation to anyone who doesn’t already attend. It isn’t a personal thing, they just say the words, like a habit.
Either way you decide, I don’t think it is going to be a disaster. Kill some time and go, or politely decline, no excuse needed. It may be they simply wanted a way to invite you to spend some time with them socially, and this was her first idea. Perhaps if you extend an alternate invitation, she will be pleased to accept.
Whatever the case, I think a week from now you will be relieved it turned out to be not so big a deal.