Why is it hard for old lost friends to pick up where they left off?
My childhood friend whom I had not seen in ten years, came to visit our town a few days ago. He is a few years older than me. I am in my early thirties. The last time we saw each other, he was introducing his fiance to our group of friends. My cousin and I were moving that same week, so we didnt get a chance to meet her nor say goodbye to him. My mother and father stayed back. In fact, he left town that day I saw him with his fiance. After a year I heard he was married. We grew up together and socialized almost daily. We had a very strange relationship, or less of. He tried hard to get along with my mom and tried to get hold of me. He even said my mom would never allow any guy near me. Even told me I am just like her. One of our last interaction, involved a huge argument between him and my mom. I was so embarrassed listening to them. Anyway, fast foward to a couple days ago, we are part of this big social group. So when we were all talking, I saw my mom talking to him. I walked by and he stretched out his arms for a side hug and said, “have you met my wife?” I told him no. She then tried to hug me. As she did, she told me her name. She is very pretty, and her name is spelled similar to mine. So we smiled at that. Then he asked how my siblings were doing. Didnt ask anything about me. It was a dry awkward moment. Then he and I subconsciously stood side by side watching my mom chatting with another friend, who was standing by. After that day, I kept turning around to find him staring at me with a blank expression, but avoiding me otherwise. I think he left today to go back home to were he moved. No goodbyes. Nothing. Its like we didn’t know each other. So “much” happened many years ago. So it was a weird feeling.
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14 Answers
Well…say good bye in your mind.
Odds are, he’ll turn up again one way or another. Meanwhile, all of it will roll around in your head whether you like it or not. Rush out now and buy some “emergency” ice cream.
Why should she be that concerned with another woman’s husband, @stanleybmanly?
The reason is irrelevant. Clearly she is. What Is she to do about it?
I guess I was responding to the “rush out and buy emergency ice cream,” comment. What is that supposed to mean?
That means spoil yourself to distract from the fixation. There are healthier more productive remedies such as hobbies or vigorous (God forbid) exercise. The thing that matters is to have your mind engaged elsewhere.
What is it you wanted from him? How do you feel he should have reacted to you? What interaction do you feel would have been more appropriate?
He was there with his wife. He said hello and gave you a hug. He asked about your family. Perhaps for him that was all that needed to be said. I’m not sure what else it is you think he should have done?
Did you have a crush on him when you were younger? Did you think he had a crush on you? Did you want more from your friendship than you received?
Sorry for the questions, but I’m trying to understand the situation you were in at your latest meeting and the lead-up to that event from years ago.
My friends grew up and are adults now. I haven’t grown much and am still interested in childish things. Like sleeping in and watching YouTube. At least I’m learning something and not playing netendo till dawn.
Most have a ‘What if’ person/people in their past.
The best thing to do is to add another word.
Try adding ‘but’ onto that.
Stay on your own course.
The further you look back- the better that person appears.
Almost Ethereal.
Perfect-
But they aren’t.
No one is.
Uhm, also, did you feel at all put off by the nasty comment about being like your Mom back then?
Or at least at the swoosh of air after the snide swipe?
Quit looking back.
The same name doesn’t mean the same association.
Take care of you.
Look around. Not back.
You learned, or are still learning the lesson that whole situation was to impart into life’s experiences.
It’ll be fine. Keep moving on.
It sounds like you barely knew him to begin with (when you were kids) then you didn’t see him for years. I’m not sure exactly what you wanted him to do. The way you describe the situation, it sounds like your mother had more of a “relationship” with him, even though it was tenuous at best.
Enter his new wife and all of a sudden you can’t understand why he didn’t “respond” more attentively to you. Why would he? He barely knows you.
@Kardamom
We are around the same age. And knew each other very well. We grew up from I was 13 until I was 23, together. Now at 32, I am seeing him since I was 23. My mom wasnt close to him as I was. At best, he had called her “mom”, when he and I were on good terms. This is not about me wanting something from anyone. We had gone through “a LOT” together. We had some really weird experiences together. Then it just ended abruptly. Like a big tornado just passed right through.
@Heather13, you haven’t said how you feel he should have reacted to you. What interaction do you think would have been appropriate?
And you haven’t said whether you had a crush on him when you were younger, or if indeed you were more than friends?
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