What is the right way to ask my boyfriend of 2 years if he sees me in his future plans?

What’s the problem? It’s a simple (and 2 years in) more than reasonable question. Ask him as you’ve asked us.

So where do you see this relationship going? Are you seeing marriage in our future?

“Where do you see us in two years? Where do you see yourself in two years?”

I would avoid @chyna‘s line of questioning because is a closed question, better to ask an open ended question.

Speaking as a man, I can tell you that there is no “right way” to be asked this question. “How do I fit in your future plans?” is a question that is loaded with danger to most normal men – especially if they’ve heard it before.

So here’s a question for you, instead: “Where do you want the relationship to go?” I suggest that you just tell him that, and ask him if he agrees, or would like to discuss it.

My first observation is made partly in jest. The question puts the onus on the man to go out on a limb – before you have given any indication of your own, other than “the relationship as it is” – to make a commitment to you or to leaving. Why not take the bit here and state your own declaration? See how that feels. (I’m not saying that in a nasty way: “There, now, see how that feels!” Rather, I’m suggesting that you take cause over the relationship; be the leader; say what you want, and invite him to sign on to your plans, if he’s not making any of his own.) See how it feels.

I agree with @zenvelo. And I don’t know if you’re living together but whether you are or not, I’d suggest you pick a neutral place to have this conversation where you’ll both feel comfortable.

@zenvelo well it worked for me. I was living with a guy, the only person I’ve ever lived with, for a year and wanted to know. He proposed 2 months later and we married. I’m a no nonsense kinda person.

I think the more important question is where do YOU see this relationship going?
Women tend to think in terms of what the man wants/sees happening, but the first question is what do you want/see?happening?
Do you see yourself staying in a long term situation or marriage with this guy? Get clear about your own intentions first then you can approach him with your sentiments and see if he is on board.

I think if she wants to find out if she is in his future plans, the assumption must be that she wants to be.

@janbb One would think, but…it is also very common for a lot of women to be more concerned with what the guy thinks than what they think.

True.

Listen. All of this hand wringing and soap opera drama over this is unnecessary and a waste of time. If the man here is any semblance of a man, this woman with 2 years invested in him should ask him straight up “where are we going?” She might tell him where she would like it to go, but she is more than entitled to ask the question and have the issue resolved!

You don’t. Are you trying to drive him away? Feign pulling away, relationship-wise, then see what he does/says.
“If you love something, set it free. If it never returns then it was never meant to be. ..” Etc.

@kritiper That’s childish game playing. People should feel comfortable asking each other the hard and uncomfortable questions in relationship don’t’cha think? Randomly pulling away and having to lie and make up weird excuses for said behavior is just a sucky way to manipulate someone. Clear, direct communication is what big boys and girls strive for.

Aw you sound like me! I actually had been wondering this because we don’t talk about it much. I just tried to smoothly slide it into conversation like bring up a topic about marriage. Like for example, friends were getting married and stuff. I asked him if he could see himself marrying me one day and what was his timeline when he would like it to happen. I stressed that I wasn’t in a rush because I didn’t want him to feel pressured.

He gave me an answer and said he saw us marrying and he gave me a broad range from 27–32 as an age he would marry… I need to revisit that soon and get more clarification! Lol I’m turning 27 next week and we been together 4.5 years.

You just have to kind or bring up a similar topic and lead it that way. No matter how uncomfortable you just do it. It’s uncomfortable for me only because I don’t want him to feel pressured.

Are you really ready if he says he doesn’t see it going anywhere? What will you do then? My daughter’s father said that he saw it in the future too. It was to someone else. Maybe pressure is good? Why don’t you set up a time too? You have a say in things too or is it all his choice. Maybe if he had to picture himself alone he would be smarter. Maybe not. Go out with your friends more. If he is having time to think it may be good. Enough time. 4 and a half years of time. What else is out there? Maybe more thoughtful guys. I hope you do what is right for you now.

@Coloma Maybe so. But does the guy want to feel trapped and/or pressured? No. If he sees too much of the subject being pushed his way he’ll run like a scalded dog! One thing to remember about men: “The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.” And that is all! Men are just big boys with expensive toys, but few women realize that. Treat him like the boy he is mentally and you’ll get farther, and learn more of what he really wants.

Is this the 35 year old guy that wanted you to be the intermediary to his old girlfriend? I think it might help for you to really think about your own expectations and desires, and be straightforward with him.

And don;t be surprised at all if he says he likes things just the way they are.

I agree with @zenvelo: “And don;t be surprised at all if he says he likes things just the way they are.” I think he’ll say , “um, I don’t really know.” In which case I’d blow my top and start threatening to split . Both I and my daughter had to do that. We simply said, “I’m not going to keep doing this” and next thing we knew we were married. Not putting up with those smug men.

^^ Ayaiyai.

@Aster Did you bring a shot gun too? lol

I also like the question, where do you see yourself in two years?

Just say “So…are you gonna marry me someday and we can make babies?” He’s more likely to say yes if you ask after giving him oral sex because us men’s Brains are funny like that, but that’s cheating.