How do you balance feeling lonely and wanting to be alone?

I got over feeling lonely when I turned 45. Now, the older I get, the more I appreciate being alone. It’s something you have to accept, like I did.

Perhaps things will fall into place if and when you can find the right one person for you.

When I’m lonely I Fluther and talk to my mom with unlimited long distance and text. When I want to be left alone I stay indoors and watch YouTube and order out or microwave a potato.

Good question @DancingMind. It’s a balancing thing. Being alone or being lonely. Two different feelings. Someone can be in a room full of people, and still feel lonely. Being alone is something that you can fix by going out around people. (Easily remedied.)
The thing to be is comfortable with yourself. It really does make a difference in everything you do. Being content with yourself when you are in different situations will always give you a confidence boost. Believe in yourself. Things will happen for you.

I get into a relationship with someone who also values their time alone.

I’d say you have to find people who like to spend time together in the same way you do, so that when you to get together it’s not uncomfortable or overwhelming. Either friends, family, or an SO.

Many married people talk about the companionship, and I get that, because I can be in my house, doing my own thing, and then if I want some sort of interaction I can hang out with my husband. Talk, watch TV, just know he’s upstairs while I’m downstairs. He’s more convenient than other people in my life, because he lives in the same place as me. The thing is, we generally have lived in houses, so we have space to easily be separate from each other too.

In college I had friends that would just drop by, hang out, take a nap (lol, I went to school in a cold climate, and it was easy to fall asleep after walking across the tundra) or play cards. I miss that casual drop by. The general rule in the dorms was if your door was open people would drop by. If your door was closed they were less likely to disturb you.

You need to create what you want. If you want just one on one time with friends, you invite them over to your place, or out to a museum, the theatre, or lunch, or whatever interaction you prefer. The friends that are similar will invite you to similar situations. The ones not into it will fade away a little, or interact with you in a different way.

I never feel lonely.

I find that the company of my dog is exactly what I need in those circumstances. He salves the loneliness, but I don’t feel the slightest need to engage in all of the social work of human interaction. No banter required, no worries about how he sees me. That’s what I find draining around people.

I call myself an “ambi-vert” because I really toe the line between extro and introverted. I lean introverted though. I’m introverted enough that spending social time with people I don’t know well / having to make small talk is super tiring, but I’m extroverted enough that being completely alone gets depressing really fast.

Honestly, what works for me – and this sounds weird – is to be in a room with somebody where we’re each doing our own thing. We might not even be talking to one another, we’re just in a room together.

It takes finding a special kind of friend though, one who is also fairly introverted and easily accessible and who won’t find this weird. I live with my boyfriend and he’s super introverted, so we do this a lot.

Thank you all, this is all incredibly helpful and I’ll try it all <3. I don’t have many friends, but I should make more of an effort to reach out to the friends I do have—rather than just being around semi-stranger acquaintances all the time (at work and in class, etc.)... And I so miss my dog, for that very reason… Hopefully soon I’ll be in a living situation where I can have him with me.