Could excessive street harassment contribute to my anxiety?

Yes, it could absolutely be contributing to your anxiety. I know since you live in a very large city that driving is probably out of the question? When it was really bad for me, being able to drive – or be driven – cut back on 99% of the harassment.

What the police told you fucking pisses me off beyond belief and every single one of them who uttered that kind of comment needs to be fired. Ugh! I’m so sorry you had to deal with such assholes. Next time, if it’s possible, try to speak with a female officer. It won’t be a guarantee that it will be handled differently, but there’s a good chance it will.

I had really bad anxiety when I was forced to walk home after work due to all of the very negative experiences I had with men on the street. I’ve been touched, chased down, screamed at, followed (multiple times), threatened with violence because I wouldn’t give my phone number (also many times), etc. I started carrying my keys between my fingers and I wouldn’t walk in front of any men. Though I know that’s probably not possible for you in Manhattan.

What are your laws regarding pepper spray? It’s worth looking into. There are also numerous apps now that sync you up with a friend or family member any time you’re walking alone outside. They come equipped with alarms, automatically take pictures and voice recordings if there’s a sudden movement to your phone, send emergency alerts to people of your choosing, show someone you choose in real-time the route you’re taking, etc. I highly recommend downloading one if you have a smartphone.

I’m a bigger guy who has never had to face any of those issues, so feel free to disregard my response. What you describe would terrify me though. Have you considered taking a self-defense class? That might give you more self-confidence in those situations? Do you carry pepper spray?

As to your question, yes, of course it would contribute to your anxiety. It would make any normal person anxious to be threatened regularly.

@DrasticDreamer Sadly I don’t have a car and driving is not feasible in NYC for me.

I do have a pepper spray and often walk with it in my hand. However, tonight I was caught unawares.

@gorillapaws

I’m considering signing up for kickboxing classes. Maybe it would help? I’m not a small woman, (6ft tall actually) but I’m white in a neighborhood where most people are not and that could make me more conspicuous along with my height.

@LeavesNoTrace Pretty much what I figured, but it was worth a shot. Like @gorillapaws mentioned, I would definitely consider self-defense classes.

Not to further your worry, but I’m white and I live in a major city that’s the whitest in the nation. It’ll happen no matter where you are.

@DrasticDreamer

Sorry if I sounded racist. I know it happens to women of color too—especially with white dudes. I think it’s more likely to happen if you look different than the norm though.

I’m not an expert on self-defense, but I think a lot of kickboxing classes are more like a variant of aerobics than true self-defense. If it were me, I’d look into Krav Maga. Those Israeli Special Forces guys don’t fuck around.

@LeavesNoTrace No, no worries. I understood it to mean that you meant simply because you stood out. I’m tall, too. Not as tall as you – 5’9’’ – so you could be right to some degree.

@gorillapaws

I JUST heard of KM the other day. I will look into it.

I just found this link for a place in NY: http://kravmagainc.com. Sounds legit from the website, and it says you get the first course free. Of course lots of stuff sounds legit on a website, and you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.

@gorillapaws Thanks!

I’m very nervous about being hurt by these guys. More than once the threats have escalated to following and even touching. Thankfully I’ve never been alone or gotten hurt but lately, there’s been more coverage of street harassment escalating into deadly violence and it really scares me.

Just a couple of months ago, a friend of a friend was brutally attacked by a group of street harassers in D.C. She suffered injuries and is thankfully alive but still it’s TERRIFYING what happened to her.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Female-Comic-Says-Show-Will-Go-on-After-Brutal-Attack-335443831.html

Another thing that I feel really hard right now…
http://whenwomenrefuse.tumblr.com/

Definitely give Krav Maga a try. It will up your confidence level incredibly.

And let me take a guess here; the Police you spoke to were male, right? And they’re telling you not to stand up for yourself or be confrontational? Yeah, right. That should work out just fine ~~

@LeavesNoTrace I’m sorry to hear about your friend. There’s definitely a serious problem regarding street harassment that still needs to be addressed, no question. The more you speak up about it, the better. And learning some moves so you can literally kick ass is a good deterrent. Learn to fight back and they’ll think of you as less of a victim and hopefully give up attacking you, if it ever comes down to that.

I haven’t read all the responses yet, but @LeavesNoTrace, I don’t see how such treatment wouldn’t lead to you feeling anxious! If you didn’t feel stressed and worried about such activity, you wouldn’t be normal! What you are experiencing sounds terrible. It’s also awful that the police in your local area seem to think it’s okay to make you responsible for the actions of these men. What do they suggest you do? Hire a personal guard? Wear a burka?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What can you do to ensure your safety? Do you have friends in the area who you can travel with? Can your boyfriend pick you up and walk you home from where public transport drops you off? Perhaps you could start a women’s support group. A group of women who keep in touch, and who organise to walk with each other when necessary. Is that something you could perhaps do? One of the good things about today’s communication-driven society, is we all have mobile phones. Perhaps you could look to start a network, so women don’t always have to walk alone. Perhaps taking some positive action might make you at least feel a little more in control until you can move.

Yes, I also thought of organizing some escorts. My friends and I often walk each other to our cars late at night.

The police response (not) is alarming at the very least, and speaks to the classic “she was asking for it” standard. I agree with the others above about KM classes, but if it happens again (with the police) take names and badge numbers and go higher up. With your rent you are paying taxes to the city for protection from the police. This is beyond unacceptable.

And yes, thus is definitely contributing to your anxiety!

Hi all. Thanks a lot. Unfortunately having my boyfriend walk me to and from places each time is just not feasible, although we do whenever we can. I also don’t have a lot of friends in this neighborhood because to be honest most spoiled white girls are not willing to venture north of 96th street ha ha

I’ll admit I’m actually stalling going to work today because I just don’t want to deal with the potential threats from the men in this neighborhood. It’s really affecting my quality-of-life when I feel that I can’t even get from point a to point B without being potential he threatened.

Unfortunately, the city decided to place a lot of methodone clinics and homeless shelters here in the 80s, making it a bit of a hotspot for the sort of crime. It is getting a little bit better ( well, depending on how you feel about gentrification ) because there have been new developments like the building I live in as well as several new restaurants, bars and shops opening in the area.

However, there are a lot of low income housing developments and “micro neighborhoods” not to mention that a lot of people are not too happy about people like me moving in, which could also contribute to some of the aggression.

It’s obviously a complicated issue, with a lot of intersecting parts. And try as I might to put on my most liberal, sympathetic glasses i’ll admit I’m really starting to resent people in this neighborhood for the threats, aggression, etc. I’ve received. I feel empathy for people who are disenfranchised, but the moment you threaten to rape me, or block my path with a baseball bat, we have a problem.

If someone gets close enough to you to be a imminent, physical threat, put a disgusted look on your face, cover your nose and mouth with your hand, and say, “Your breath stinks like a dirty diaper! You really need to do something before you talk to anyone else.” You might even cough in revulsion.

I’ve used this trick with obnoxious men on the street, hoodrats on the subway, and other people looking for unprovoked trouble. Believe it or not, the approach is very effective. Everyone’s shy about bad breath; even the lowest, rudest person is likely to be mortified and back away.

I know little-to-nothing about martial arts or self-defense, although I have read that the best approach is to (1) disable your attacker as quickly as possible and (2) get the heck out of there. Unless a woman’s had years of intensive training and is very accomplished, any physical method will only result in her being seriously harmed. But, if you can disarm your attacker in another way, and then immediately walk away, that might work.

That is exactly what Krav Maga teaches. Plus the instructors are all well padded so the women are instructed to go at them.

It’s not about using brute force to overcome somebody. It about shifting balance and using their own force against them. And it doesn’t take years to learn.

Their classes for women are highly effective. It teaches you how to be smart more than powerful. And once your attacker is lying on the ground disabled, get the hell out of there.

If you’ve ever seen any demonstrations of this technique you’ll easily see the difference between this and standard martial arts training and why it doesn’t require years to learn.

I only skimmed answers above.

I would do my best to not walk alone, especially during times of day when the streets aren’t very busy.

If you are friends with other women who are being harassed you could try getting a petition together and send it with all the signatures to the police department and your local politicians and get some cops out there to walk the beat.

I would seriously consider moving. If there is any way you can. I know it’s so expensive where you live that might not be an option. I can tell you I visit Manhattan one or two times a year and this almost never happens in the areas I walk through. I’m not in the the elite parts of NY, but the areas are pretty nice. On the east side around union square area, also near Sty town, and also in and near China town.

I know I’ll get blasted for this, but if you are wearing clothing that attracts leches, consider changing your clothes. First of all, you absolutely should not be in 4”+ heals. You need to be able to run! You might be in flats every day, I’m not assuming, I’m just saying. Just being a woman you can get harassed no matter what you look like or what your dressed in, but a lot of men think they are complimenting a woman when they catcall. There was a whole report about it a few years ago. It was in the news, and talked about on Fluther too.

I agree with taking a class to help you feel more confident about defending yourself and getting away from a bad guy.

And, to answer your initial question, yes! Of course this might be upping your anxiety. You have to be on edge the whole time walking down the street. Being in protective mode is stressful. It raises adrenaline.

By the way, here are two Q’s I think will interest you. The first has the link to the catcalling video that was in the news. The second is a Q where one of our Latina jellies talks about it being practically a requirement for Latin men to catcall, and the discussion towards the end goes more into the ethnic thing.

http://i.fluther.com/176523/do-you-call-it-harrassment-or-do-you-call-it-a/#quip3037776

http://i.fluther.com/177277/regarding-unwanted-attention-from-strangers-is-it-better-to-ignore-them/

@JLeslie Unfortunately street harassment plagues me in all NYC neighborhoods, not just Harlem. Years ago, I subletting an apartment on Gramercy Park (even came with the coveted key to the park). A man followed me up 3rd ave and into my building where he was thankfully stopped by my doorman.

I understand that some cultures are more outspoken than others. I’ve been able to laugh off some wolf whistles and silly comments, but lately it’s escalated into worse stuff more and more—the man I refer to in my OP blocked my path with a baseball bat, called me a b*tch, told me to “suck his d*ck” and threatened to kill me. A few months ago, a man threatened to rape me and kill my boyfriend if he saw us again.

I don’t dress provacatively. I wear feminine attire like knee-length dresses and jeans and blouses but rarely short skirts or low cut things. And when I do where those things, I’m going somewhere where the venue calls for it so I take cabs. It’s winter now so my wardrobe has mostly been jeans, boots, sweaters and coats.

I definitely think this is bad for my anxiety. I went to the doctor the other day and my blood pressure was 190/40!!!

I’m not saying it’s never happened to me in NY, but I think there are some neighborhoods it might be more likely. Someone following you is not catcalling, as you know, that’s just scary shit. One had that happen too. I’ve purposely changed direction, crossed a street, or ducked into a store. This goes back to one of those Q’s I linked that men have no idea what women sometimes deal with.

Are you walking at odd hours when the streets are fairly empty? You might have said so already, sorry if I missed it. It looks like a lot of jellies had some good ideas and information above.