How to let guard down around new people?

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems extremely normal to me that someone school age worries a little about being accepted and worries about doing something that might wind up making you feel embarrassed. I wish you didn’t worry about it, but I think it’s normal.

Do you get to hang out with friends a lot? Every week? Kids in school obviously have daily contact with each other M-F and they get to constantly hear and observe what people are doing, so they can navigate what social expectations are from peers. Many homeschooled kids interact with friends almost daily also, so I’m not assuming you don’t, but if you don’t I can see why you might feel a little insecure.

The best is to find friends who like you just as you are. I say be yourself and as you make connections with people who get along with you, foster those relationships, and don’t worry about the people who don’t have much in common with you.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You just need to get to know these people better, until you are in a comfort zone to be able to open up more.

See if they have any common interests and try to establish their type of sense of humor. Then take it from there.

Good luck!

Just be yourself as you are and have been doing do do otherwise would be presenting an image of yourself that is not natural nor comfortable for you. Nothing at all wrong with being an introvert.

You bring up an interesting point about home schooling. One of the by-products, if not goals, of a classroom situation is to have an environment where people learn to do things – work together with their peers. Yes, some home school situations do indeed have such opportunities (when multiple home school parents get together), but definitely not all of them.

And I don’t mean just in the classroom working on projects or chemistry assignments – I mean on the playground, doing team sports in gym, being part of a school-based activity with your classmates. Going on field trips with your class – all of these are socialization opportunities.

Again, I don’t know your specific situation, but I wonder if part of your issue is that you haven’t been part of the ‘community’ of people your age, and you’re trying to make impressions now.

All of that said, socialization takes time and a bit of effort. You have recognized the problem, you know what to do,

I think it’s best to be reserved for a while. Can’t hurt anything.

What you’re feeling is perfectly natural.

People don’t put their unvarnished selves out there until they have a measure of trust. To “let your guard down” is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You’re giving others emotional leverage that they could turn against you if they wanted. Most of us want to feel relatively confident that our vulnerabilities won’t be exploited before we give someone access to them.

As usual, it’s the extremes that are problematic: People who have no healthy sense of boundaries and instantly fling open all their doors often have ample occasion to repent, and people who are never quite willing to let anyone else have a “backstage pass” are trading away friendship for safety.

Don’t worry about being reserved.
We have a resource center for home schooled kids that is run by a certified teacher.
It specializes in music, dance and art in a co-op arrangement (the parents come and help with arts some of them are really good artists).

DRINK! Liberally!

@kritiper I don’t think @CunningFox is old enough !

Oy. So much for responsible advice for our young jellies.

When you feel unable to be yourself or are not so comfortable around new people I think a good time to ask questions. You can prepare yourself in advance with questions – and people love to talk about themselves. This lets you find some common area of interest (maybe) or at least appear to be a “good listener”—which is a phenomenally underrated life skill.

Start compiling a list of questions you think would be appropriate to the situation.. like:
“I’m looking for some new music to add to my playlist. Who do you like?”
or
“What’s the best thing you’ve watched lately?” (Open-ended enough for it to be a movie, or NetFlix or whatever).

My favorite one for being my silly self though is to say:
“Let’s play 2 truths and a lie!”
You say three things about yourself, one of which is untrue..the other person must guess which one isn’t true.
And then it’s their turn.

Just a silly ice breaker. May lead to giggles.

Too young?? Just BE YOURSELF. Relax. Quit trying to impress others, you’ll only make a spectacle/fool of yourself. Don’t fixate so much about getting laid. Have fun!

Something that I finally learned is that if I feel shy or uncertain in a new situation, but I try to be my usual witty self, it always falls flat. However, if I just sit back and watch and listen eventually a moment will arrive where I’ll comment easily and freely. But you have to wait for it to come to you. You can’t force it.

Silence, Padowon. Be still. And don’t listen to those men behind the screen.