In the psychology world, is "learned behavior" even addressed any more?

Big change is always an inside job and there is no drug that can invoke some sort of awakenings in a person. Drugs just mask the core issues. People change when they are damn good and ready and not before and everyone has a personal rock bottom. I took Xanax for about 2 years until, one day, bam!, I had an epiphany and realized I didn’t need an anti-anxiety medication, I needed a divorce and a new life.

Just like that, stopped the pills, never looked back and went on to be happier than I had been in years. Depression and anxiety are symptoms that one needs to make changes in their lives, not take another pill. Of course the exception is when someone has a chemical imbalance and their issues are stemming from brain chemistry. Not everyone is insightful enough to take on some serious personal growth work, though that is the proverbial get out of jail card, not free, but well worth it. Self awareness work is tough but it pays off handsomely in the end.

Maybe for some, the “I’m doing what I’m comfortable with” is a cop-out. For example, if she is screaming at her kids, and repeatedly told that’s not best for the kids, but her excuse is “I’m doing what’s comfortable.”

I don’t think anyone actually says, “Being an asshole makes me comfortable,” but in many cases that’s what it is, even if they don’t recognize it on a conscious level. We’ve all heard the term, “She’s not happy unless she’s unhappy.”

I once read that kids are raised to dance a certain kind of “dance” and they tend to look for mates who will dance that same dance…someone who already knows the steps.

Just sharing what I know…psychotropic medications are very specific and will work for some and not for others and the therapeutic approach is a trial and error approach and can take many weeks if not months to see which medicine or combination of medicines works.

Yeah some people definitely seem to get off being miserable. I don’t attend AA, but I know in AA they call it “sitting in your own shit.”

@Cruiser try years, not months.

And come to think of it, have any of you known someone who said their doc took them off their meds because none of it was doing any good, anyway? I haven’t. They may take themselves off, as @Coloma, but that’s not the same thing.

@jca. Hm. So in AA you get to be honest with the folks? Most of us can’t get away with it in real life.

Yeah I think in AA shit gets real.

Would the world be better if everyone were allowed to get “real?” We all have to spend so much time tip toeing around people with disabilities, trying to understand things that I can’t begin to understand, like someone slapping the living shit out of a one year old to get a mosquitoe off of her face. Can’t say anything for fear she’ll go into a mental meltdown for weeks over it, making her family miserable. And it’s all your fault.

@Dutchess_III Honesty is at the core of recovery in AA. It is recognizing the truth of one’s behavior and one’s part in any interactions. AA does not confront people on their behavior unless a person requests it; we share our own truths and what we have found out. As we say, ” if you want what we have…” then you can do what we did.

For many people medication his necessary when the brain chemistry is off, yet a large component of changing behavior is recognizing where it came from and what the results are. There is a difference between mental illness and negative behavior.

@Dutchess_III: If the person slapping the shit out of the one year old were in my family, I’d be taking steps rapidly, if I were you. If they’re not, then you are limited in what you can do, unless you call CPS, which may not be effective because the person will 1. avoid you from now on and 2. minimize the issue to CPS.

Sounds to me like some folks should be in AA rather than counseling.

Someone once said “it only hurts when I change”. For me the truth was/is I only change when it hurts. 12 step programs are successful. They work when you work the steps.

My sister took the 12 step program. She blew off one step….the one where you apologize for all the shitty things you did to people when you were being an asshole.

Well, anyway. I can see where people can feel like they aren’t doing it “right,” when they change. For example, take a parent thinks that their kids obey them because they’re yelling or they have a threatening tone in their voice. If you tell them that it’s the consequences of what will happen if the kids don’t do what you say that is the most effective, and it’s possible to speak to them in a normal conversational voice, as long as consequences for disobeying follow, they just won’t feel right. They won’t really feel like they’re asserting authority any more.