In the view of your particular society, is raping a spouse less morally or psychologically repugnant than raping a stranger?

I think that in certain parts of the US, it’s definitely still considered acceptable. Specifically in places that tend to be extremely religious. I’m pretty sure that there are parts in the bible that mention how wives have to sexually please their husbands whenever the men want, end of story. Or if not, I’ve heard so many religious people say/teach it that it’s extremely disturbing regardless.

“Repugnant” is a finite concept not subject to gradation.

I’m the last person to say that someone takes by a trusted partner was “better off” than one assaulted by someone they’ve never met.

To qualify rape or sexual abuse in any way as different or subject to comparison, that is repugnant.

It is gross that this is even a question. No is No YO.

Around 2001 I chatted with a normal seeming dude from Iceland and somehow we turned the conversation into consensual sex thing and he was convinced that if the woman objects after penetration he has in the right to finish.

sigh

No. I’m in the US and both are horrible.

I will say that it’s not uncommon for women to go along with sex with a spouse even when their heart isn’t in it. I am not talking about being tired and not in the mood, I mean the marriage sucks, things are going downhill, or already in the gutter, and sex with him feels horrible emotionally, and physically is just something that happens to you. It feels like they are masterbating inside of you. Some might call that rape, I don’t, although the line when it becomes rape can be sort of fuzzy. If a husband forces himself on his wife or husband it’s rape clear and simple. No means no. Put him in jail.

There’s a lot of outrage in the questions above.

Keep in mind that historically (through thousands of years of human existence, the wife was not much more than a slave, or a chattel. She was there to gather grain and care for the children, but she was also there for the sexual pleasure of husband (family leader) regardless of her own wants and needs.

The whole concept of spousal rape is very recent – only the last 75 years in the US. It wouldn’t surprise me if less civilized countries still didn’t embrace the concept of marital rape as illegal.

So rather than dump on the questioner – which is truly unfair – consider that your repugnance is based an a comparatively new legal construct which is counter to how civilization acted for thousands of years.

The question is not at all out of line,

I’ve been raped twice by people I know. I don’t think it would have been any worse if a stranger raped me. Rape is rape. I know first hand.

The issue is that many people will not even recognize marital rape as being rape. Of course, both are horrible (I would argue that marital rape might even be worse in many circumstances, because you’re hurting someone who is supposed to trust you and who you are supposed to care about), but our society definitely has a hang up with recognizing that you can have sex with someone once or a thousand times but still have the right to say no next time. Also, rape that happens in a committed relationship often receives a form of victim-blaming that you don’t otherwise see – “Oh, you guys were going through a dry spell? Well, he has needs, you know…”

It’s repugnant to me that there are people that think this is somehow OK.

Both are repugnant, full stop – because both are exactly the same crime. Relativity does not apply.

They are equally awful.

No means no. Full stop. They are both equally repugnant in my opinion. I’ve never been married but I used to be with a live-in partner who raped me on several occasions and it took me a long time to admit to myself that it indeed was rape.

I still have PTSD from what I went through, which is part of the reason I think it’s so screwed up that most societies (even a lot of people in the US) don’t recognize intimate partner rape as what it is—rape.

@Mariah :: There is also a big contingent of the populous that views females as property.

@rojo I definitely didn’t think that you asked the question because you personally saw a difference between the two. I took it as what it was – just a question. Hopefully no one gave you crap about it, because if they did, they completely misinterpreted your intent when asking the question.

Amazing question, if Fluther was global and people were honest.

Keep in mind that in parts of the world today wives can still be women taken as spoils of war.

Mormon founder Joseph Smith was legally married to a 14 yo, something illegal and repugnant today as she is/was under the age of consent.
Today, child marriage is still fairly widespread in developing countries, such as parts of Africa, South Asia, Southeast Asia, West Asia, Latin America, and Oceania.

As @elbanditoroso pointed out, female consent is a fairly modern concept, and spousal consent not only even more modern, but not yet widespread.

Rape In India: ‘Epidemic’ Of Sexual Violence Against Women And Children

I’m in Germany, and I second what @Mariah said.