When it comes to dating, what is the biggest turn on (and turn off) for you?

Turn offs smoking , drinking
Turn ons miniskirts, good at small talk / storytelling.

Turn ons; intelligence, humor, attractive appearance and kindness

Turn offs: crudeness, smelliness or bad teeth, stupidity

Appearance or personality?

Looking solely at aesthetics, I’m attracted to people with dark hair (bonus points for long and curly) and gingers, with sharp cheekbones, with broad shoulders and defined arms. That goes for tall, short, male female, trans, and all colors.

I’m not attracted to people who smoke cigarettes, or who appear “preppy”, vain, or high-maintenance.

Ultimately, though, it’s all about what is between their ears. I cannot be sexually attracted to someone unless they are intelligent. I can appreciate a beautiful person like a Greek statue without wanting to sleep with them.

@Seek Appearance, personality and habits.

Turn ons: Intelligence and a great sense of humor, I like smart, quirky guys.

Turn offs: Neanderthals and monkey minds.

“Dating is for ugly people.”

-Law and Order episode.

It’s been too long, I can’t remember.

What’s a date?

I like December 25th, not so keen on August Bank Holidays.

Turn ons – Personality. Intelligent, funny, kind.
Turn ons – Looks. Height, lovely eyes and smile, big hands.

Turn offs – Personality. Aggression, dullness and disinterest, rudeness, narrow-mindedness, meanness, controlling behaviour.

Turn offs – Looks. Unkemptness, someone who is fixated on their looks.

I haven’t dated in forever, unless you count when my husband and I go out. On our first date we both ordered Coke no ice. That was a really good sign. Not only was a Coke purist, but it seemed completely normal to him not to order an alcoholic drink, and indeed he very rarely drinks. Big plus in my opinion. If I started dating again today, and the guy had to drink alcohol every time we went out, I’d probably be pretty turned off fast.

He should treat the waitperson well if we are at a restaurant.

Good things include: sense of humor, interested in many topics, enjoys many things, fairly talkative, open about himself and about others.

“He should treat the waitperson well if we are at a restaurant.”

Word.

How a person acts in a service-customer situation speaks volumes about their personality.

Servers especially.

TURN-OFFS
– Having a short fuse. I already have a hard time talking about certain things; I can’t also be worrying about how they’ll react. Also just things like being in traffic together—I don’t want to be around a tense angry person; driving is scary enough when I’m calm.
– Having a self-oriented perspective—so that everything I do (or don’t do) is contextualized by their perspective or their needs.
– Looking for me to compensate for their insecurities. I won’t be able to satisfactorily, but I’ll try to anyway, to both of our detriment.
– Not active. I don’t fare well emotionally without a enough exercise and time outdoors.
– “Unattractive”—I can’t get any more specific than that; it’s on a case-by-case basis for me.

TURN-ONS
– Compatible sense of humor
– Compatible sense of taste
– “Attractive”—I can’t get any more specific than that; it’s on a case-by-case basis for me.
– Intelligent/perceptive/curious
– Talks quickly more often than not (I talk quickly more often than not.)
– Empathic. This one is probably the most important for me—which is why the first two turn-offs, (and somewhat the third) have to do with a lack of empathy. I’ve seen too many relationships lacking this.
– A range of energy levels (not ‘always on’ or ‘always sedate’)
– Active, but not overly or aggressively spontaneous
– Loves other animals
– Letting me be alone when I need to be, and understanding it’s got nothing to do with them

I think the biggest turn off would be if she sat across from me at dinner eating her boogers. The biggest turn on is when she gives the moment her total attention, lots of eye contact and lots of smiles. And no boogers or cellphones.

^^ The booger thing actually happened to my roommate. She met this cute, intelligent guy in a class of hers and thought they were getting along pretty well. Then in the middle of their conversation he just went ahead and grabbed a booger out of a nostril. She was rather surprised. Over the next week she watched as he continued to pick his nose in class… and she no longer found him attractive. He is now known as the “nose picker.” I don’t know his actual name.

Turn-ons: Female, freckled gingers, dark hair, natural blondes, hourglass figure with a little padding, Intelligence, earthy, genuine affection and low maintenance. Able to roll up her sleeves and lend a hand. Easy going.

Turn -offs: naggy, entitled, high maintenance, too much makeup, smoking, drug use, religious, morbid obesity, generally unappreciative ,says things like “where are all the real men” militant in their “causes” such as feminism

Another big turn-on for me is a guy who is handy or at least pitches in around the house. One guy friend was over at my house for a barbecue and afterward just very naturally loaded the dishwasher. I would have been his for life it he weren’t already taken.

I honestly think that I’m nearly asexual. I’ve had, like, 3 real crushes in my life. Luckily my current boyfriend is one of them, so I guess I will mostly just enumerate what I liked about him when I first got my crush:

He’s geeky and not intimidating like the kinds of guys you meet at college parties. There is no part of me that ever thought Matt just wanted in my pants or whatever. I knew he liked me for me.

He isn’t afraid to have or talk about feelings. He doesn’t have some stupid model of “masculinity” in his mind that he feels the need to compare himself to. He can cry in front of me.

This one might not make sense to many people, but I found it attractive that he is not 100% able-bodied. He has a prosthetic leg. This is not a creepy fetishist thing. I am also not able-bodied. There aren’t many people my age who can understand what that’s like. I appreciated that he could.

Turn offs…well, the opposite of my first two points: the guys you find at frat parties who just want to hook up and feel the need to defend the size of their dicks to anyone who will listen. I fucking hate that. “Mansplaining” – that is, men who assume that because I’m a woman I don’t know anything about “manly” things like programming or math or soldering and start trying to explain things to me. Even Matt is occasionally guilty of that one. Immature views about mortality, taking stupid risks to show that they’re brave and manly and cool. That’s just stupid. I don’t want a man who’s going to get himself killed doing something stupid before he turns 30.

@Mariah, he sounds like a keeper. And as for prosthetic legs, Adam Hills has a prosthetic foot and I’d totally do him! He’s funny, intelligent, caring and hot! It’s great that you can both accept each other as you are.

He’s the best. I was, shamefully, nervous to see him naked for the first time, I was afraid I would have some kind of gut reaction to his baby leg. Didn’t bother me a bit. Still doesn’t. He repays me by not caring when I fart on him all night long.

@Mariah You just reminded me of another turn-on; a man who frequently says, “You’re right” or asks me how a word is pronounced or for other factual information.

@janbb Yaaasssss!!

@janbb My husband does that a lot. You remind me that another thing I find incredibly endearing is when he screws up American-English sayings. Gives me the giggles.

@Mariah You don’t sound asexual to me. You sound mature.