Why have my relationships only last about a month?

I think seeing a therapist is a good idea for anyone who’s unhappy after a breakup. I saw one for a few years myself.

Most people as young as you are won’t be ready for a long or lifetime relationship until years later, so don’t worry about not having one yet. You’re just starting to become involved in the process of becoming whom you will eventually be, so just try to learn from if not enjoy the journey.

Please excuse the insect reference, but you’re a caterpillar who’s on her way to becoming a butterfly.

What part, if any, do you think you’ve had in causing your relationships to not last as long as you’d like them to?

Honestly its always very intense at first, in the beginning, and then it just dies down. in my last relations we always end up seeing each other very often and its great until it just ends. either I’m not satisfied with the person or how they treat me or they did something to hurt me.

Right now with the boyfriend I’m with, he’s a great guy. doesn’t cheat, doesn’t lie… nothing serious. but he was way too curious about my past, tried to get way deep into the harassment and why its happening, why it started which obviously upset and still upsets me since its a very fragile situation i have been in for a long time. he’s very emotional, doesn’t have a job and has that lazy factor to him, judges SO much… about everything. and I’m a very open minded artist so I’m not one to judge about tattoos, smoking, gays.. and he sort of does?...

they’re minor things that I’m not sure if it annoys me, or what… but from one argument to the next i just don’t feel the same with him and it sucks because i want it to… you know?
I’ve tried spending these last few days hanging out with him and today i came home around 12 after hanging with him for like 3 hours & its hard. hard for me to kiss him and genuinely enjoy it, he’s all on me and i just want to squirm away…

it just seems like it keeps happening over and over. i feel so drained

I have had a fucked up life.

If you have the means to see a therapist please do. I see one regularly and it does actually help and it doesn’t mean that you are are broken, it just means that you are smart enough to seek help when needed.

I don’t really want to pick apart your question but there is something going on.

For example my shrink pretty much does nothing but let me vent (I feel that people only care about me when I can do something for them. Once I fix their problem I am nothing). Shrink agrees. I am totally used. But I can vent and that is nice. And I can vent with no blowback. This is important. You can get it all out and the people that anger you will never know.

I have no clue what I am going on about any more. I have Pizza Hut in the fridge so I am going to do that and sleep.

Maybe you’re right to be getting out of relationships quickly if there are good reasons for it. The getting out fast might even be good, if they weren’t working well. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was judgmental, or whom I wasn’t excited about. Maybe the problem is more that you are getting into relationships too quickly, without first finding out they’re not good matches.

It is not simply because you were a single child. I was a single child, and I’ve been in serious committed relationships almost all of my adult life.

Therapy/counseling or other types self-development work, I would recommend to everyone. The better we understand and develop ourselves, the better our relationships can be.

Oh, and you’re only 20 years old. I wouldn’t be so eager/concerned to be getting into relationships. Quality relationships are SO worth waiting for and being choosy about. Just being in a relationship to be in one, is something that looks like a horrible mistake once you find someone you really go well with, and being in a mediocre relationship with someone tends to distract/prevent from finding the great relationships.

It sounds to me like you put more importance on having a boyfriend than on the man.

Is the man really right for you, or is he just filling a relationship vacancy? Just because you and a man enjoy each other does not mean a relationship is going to work for you.

Relationships do have high and low points. Perhaps during the lull you see what you should have before deciding to be a couple. Don’t let the euphoria of something new make your choices for you.

I think you need to take time away from any relationship and figure out with therapy who you really are. I’ve done that and it’s made me much clearer.

You aren’t really interested in having a relationship; you are more enamored of the process of getting a new beau and the heady excitement of someone new.

For a lot of people, that is what dating is in their late teens/early twenties. But you are getting to the point of not being satisfied with that repeating in your life.

So the advice to see a therapist to reframe your thinking is a good one. Therapy works when one is tired of the same things happening in your life and become willing to change it.

You call something a relationship that is probably just hormones, arousal and attraction/infatuation. Slow down. Don’t sleep together right away. Take some time to figure out what you want from someone else, look inside to see what you have to offer, and live your life. A partner will happen… but you have yourself for the rest of your life.

Once you recognize what you bring to the table and what you do/do not want from a partner, you can evaluate potential partners. If someone meets your criteria, then feel free to pursue a romantic relationship. Or a friendship. But you won’t be able to evaluate them if you sleep together right away, in my experience.

Make another goal for yourself. Wanting a partner is a worthy desire… but not a lifetime goal. Learn something. Make something. Do something. Enjoy time alone. You will become more attractive, both to yourself and to potential partners.

aw man i just want to give you all hugs. thanks so much for the great advice and answers. you all seem to be telling me just about the same things. i think its time for me to be completely alone without any dating/relationships at all. being alone is tough for me for some reason, but ill do it for the benefit of myself.
i also think that since my parents have been married for 28 years I’ve always sort of grown up to find that “one true love” and kind of try finding it in everyone.

haha, there can be so many reasons huh? i feel like I’ve listed 20 of them.
thanks a lot guys for giving your time to help me out. you’ve opened my eyes.

~Maybe you are playing on the wrong team? Have you tried dating women?